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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Tracking someone with a mobile app

20 replies

Flipflopdontstop · 14/04/2018 14:14

Was giving a friend a lift home the other day. She's one of those people who seems to have her phone permanently stuck to her hand. Several times during the journey she informed me of her DH's whereabouts ("he's in X so should be home in 20 mins" etc). She then announced he'd stopped off at his mum's, less than 5 mins from where we were, so asked if I'd drop her there instead. We approached his mum's road just in time to see him pulling out of it so had to follow him flashing my lights so he'd stop and let my friend jump in. I initially thought it strange that he'd leave knowing his wife was just around the corner & about to be dropped off when the penny dropped that she'd been tracking him the whole time using an app and hadn't communicated with him at all!

I get that these apps could be handy for keeping tabs on your kids or if someone was suspected of being up to no good (which I seriously doubt in this case). Otherwise, AiBU to think this is weird, controlling behaviour?

OP posts:

Change9944 · 14/04/2018 14:17

Yep its controlling and weird.
I know a couple that both do it to each other and they are both paranoid weirdos.

WhiteCoyote · 14/04/2018 14:19

I use one of these, it’s actually really useful if used the right way and both parties are completely consensual in its use. If used for the purpose of paranoia and/or controlling someone (I’m so fucking thankful they weren’t around when I was with my controlling ex) then no they’re awful.

frenchknitting · 14/04/2018 15:11

I use one of those. DH put it on my phone because he kept leaving his phone at work/on the bus/etc, and wanted to be able to track it. At the time I had GPS disabled, so he couldn't see me.

Now I find it really handy, being able to see if he's on the bus yet if I'm trying to time dinner for his return. It's the equivalent of texting to ask when he'll be home but just easier.

I don't think either of us are controlling. In fact we'd normally go all day without texting or speaking. It's just handy.

BeachyUmbrella · 14/04/2018 16:01

I have Find my Friends with all my kids....
They are perfectly free to turn it off, but it's quite handy to see when they are on their way home etc.
When they are going miles away to a party, I like them to keep it on (16 and 19).

BlondeB83 · 14/04/2018 16:06

I find it weird and very controlling! I would hate for someone to be tracking my every move and imagine it’s the beginning of the end in a relationship.

ilovesooty · 14/04/2018 16:14

The whole concept gives me the creeps I'm afraid. I would be calling time on any partner who wanted to use it.

southernNights · 14/04/2018 16:39

I have the find my friend thing for DH but have rarely used it. The last time was when he wasn't answering his phone. He was drunk in a pub and his phone was on silent.

I don't find the notion of tracking unreasonable. The only time I've wanted to keep my location secret since being married is Christmas or Birthday present shopping. Using it day-to-day is weird though.

Original poster

Flipflopdontstop · 14/04/2018 16:43

Glad it's not just me who thinks It's really odd! I can see it could be handy sometimes, such as when he's driving and she's trying to time dinner, although it could backfire if he decided to take a sudden detour, esp if it was to buy her some flowers or something What I don't get is why she didn't message/call him to say "I see you're at your mum's - hang on and I'll be there in a few minutes"

OP posts:

cedoren · 14/04/2018 16:44

Totally weird

inabitofapickle · 14/04/2018 16:47

I use the find my friends and tracking if I am out cycling or running and want to be found . In this way Yanbu I’d find it a bit freaky !

Buttongo · 14/04/2018 16:52

Weird if it's done between adults. Why not just talk to each other? Or text at least. Different with DC with regards to safety.

Doesn't it drain your phone battery like fuck having GPS etc kept on all the time?!

Biscusting · 14/04/2018 16:54

Me and DH have this! It’s brilliant, we only ever seemed to txt to update on location as for work etc we were both always moving about and plans would change everyday and we’d be home at different times.

Saves faffing. I also let my mum track me, as she has terrible anxiety about being lost or something happening and I know it puts her mind at rest just knowing where I am.

Neither of them use it in a controlling way or weirdly show up at my location. It just works well as a bit of piece of mind.

I can see how it could be an issue though for some people!

Pollaidh · 14/04/2018 17:04

We use Find My Friends to see when the other is on the way home, to help with timing food. Also useful if in town and I want a lift and I can figure out where he is (en route home from nursery), so put myself in the right place to get picked up. Easier than constant calling whilst driving, especially as traffic awful so things can take a long time.

I also just check he's made it to work as he has a cycle ride along a busy road, and I get anxious. He's happy for me to check he's made it, and it's less annoying for him than remembering to text when he's always running straight into a meeting.

Entirely consensual. I don't use it the rest of the time. Anyway, only seems to work in the UK and one or the other of us is often out of the country working.

Mrsbird311 · 14/04/2018 17:16

Yeah we all have these!! We put them on as my eldest lives abroad and I just like to check he’s home safe after going out clubbing!! Mine often shows me on a boat in the sea for some reason which is quite funny!!i find them very useful, my husband never answers the phone so I can see if he’s on the train so I can pick him up from the station. No stalking at all

WhiteCoyote · 14/04/2018 17:30

My dp is a bus driver and can very rarely answer his phone, it’s useful to see if he’s stuck in traffic and running late which is pretty much every day

If our relationship ever got to the stage where I was I using it to check if he was cheating then I wouldn’t bother being in that relationship. Been there, done that, got the tshirt.

ilovesooty · 14/04/2018 18:00

Surely if your child is sufficiently independent to live abroad you don't have to check on how he conducts his social life?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/04/2018 18:03

Me and my partner both have this on each others phones. Means I can see when he's going to be home, means he can see I've made it to my night shift safe

We don't obsessively check it.

ICantCopeAnymore · 14/04/2018 18:40

We all use it, me, DH, my parents and DD. We all love it.

We are all happy to use it, we all like it, none of us are remotely controlling, we are not weird and it has no effect on anyone else, so why would anyone care?

iloveanicecake · 14/04/2018 18:43

Used consensually here with myself, husband and teen. Love it as it saves texting or calling when driving, I can see they have arrived safely to work or school, and when on way home. We have nothing to hide from each other and all have access to each other's tracking.

Mamabear4180 · 14/04/2018 18:47

I use friend finder with my Dad! (I live with my dad) It's a great app lol, I know where he is without having to text and vise versa. I could see how it could be a problem in the wrong hands but if people are ok with it and it's not for stalking then what's the harm? (although my sister does call it the stalking app)!

Flip