Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be relieved Social Services are involved?

16 replies

possiblysolo · 14/04/2018 01:04

Hi,

I've had a lot of problems with my husband which have become worse since our baby came along - baby is 1 now.
Not drugs, not drinking or hitting me, but husband doesn't behave very well, is very unhelpful and in short - worrying about his endless crap takes up all my time and headspace.

I disclosed this to the HV, and SS came and have told me I need to engage with something called Child In Need programme. SW said they could also support me to leave if the help they give me around 'mediation' with husband does not help.

AIBU to be really relieved that someone has actually offered me some help? That maybe - even if I leave - that I could sort this out?
I know having SS involved is usually seen as awful and a failure, but I'm disabled and struggle to know what to do, and my baby's happiness is everything to me.

OP posts:

Custardo · 14/04/2018 01:06

if it helps you and you feel better about it - then thats a good thing. glad you got some help i bet it was a long time coming

MsJolly · 14/04/2018 01:07

Well done you for having the courage to address this and to do the very best for your child and yourself. Good luck, a better life for you both is around the corner

PrettyLittIeThing · 14/04/2018 01:10

It's personally something I would hate but if it helps you then it helps you. That's what they are there for I suppose.

Original poster

possiblysolo · 14/04/2018 01:16

Why would you hate it, Pretty?

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 14/04/2018 01:25

probably the stigma?

a disabled child is automatically a child in need.

5plusMeAndHim · 14/04/2018 01:29

The op is disabled not the child

Bambamber · 14/04/2018 01:29

I think there is a really bad stigma around social services that often overshadows the good work they do in supporting families in need

Hidingtonothing · 14/04/2018 01:30

I'm not generally a fan of SS but they're definitely not always the big bad wolf and I really hope they can help you OP. There's absolutely no failure in needing help and support, we all do at times and I really hope things get better for you soon

squoosh · 14/04/2018 01:34

It certainly sounds like a positive step for your situation, OP. It's giving you hope and practical assistance and that's a good thing. It can't be easy juggling a small child, an unhappy relationship, as well as your own disability. Prioritising your child's wellbeing is definitely the way to go. Good luck to you both.

Original poster

possiblysolo · 14/04/2018 01:35

Thanks for the good wishes! I really need them right now.

Unfortunately baby is probably also about to be diagnosed with a disability, so I guess if that's so, we'd have had them around anyhow.

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 14/04/2018 01:43

possibly CIN is the lowest level of SS intervention. It's voluntary, so you or any of the parties involved don't HAVE to do as they suggest.

However, if they're not happy, they may go for the next level up, which is child protection. This is mandatory, so you all do have to do as they suggest. Or they'll go for the third level, which is going to court to get children removed. You would normally get a LOT of warning before this happens though. But this is why people fear SS.

In your case, if you appreciate the intervention, be wary of them 'stepping down'. (In my area to a local team). No SS involvement equals less help and support.

Original poster

possiblysolo · 14/04/2018 01:50

Thanks, Keep. What is 'stepping down' and why would that happen?

OP posts:

DropItLikeASquat · 14/04/2018 02:02

stepping down is when social care have helped you as far as they can and believe that you no longer need their help as you have engaged with the services/processes that they have signposted you too.
its a good thing.
I had my son on a CIN for a short while as before he got his ADHD/ASD pathways accepted by CAMHs both myself and the school were finding it hard to help him with his more extreme behaviour.
it was brilliant, they got me some respite care for him, found out about some support groups and went with me the first few times and pushed my gp to get his referral sorted as for over a year the GP was telling me it was a phase/behavioural/just his age etc.
after that SS stepped down as CAMHs took over.

DropItLikeASquat · 14/04/2018 02:04

I imagine for you they will help you engage with services that can support you to work out or end your relationship, support with your anxiety, signpost to domestic abuse services if that is needed etc

Ginkypig · 14/04/2018 02:04

Ss are not there to punish they are there to help. Children if the parents can't or won't and families who want to change things but need help to do that.

I'm very glad that your getting the support you need possibly.

In your circumstances it's great that they have offered to help you if you decide to leave. so many mothers feel trapped because they don't have that help and noone who can show them how. You know that isn't the case for you.

Good luck!

YimminiYoudar · 14/04/2018 03:25

That sounds really positive. No one becomes a social worker just for the giggles - they genuinely want to help and don't deserve the fear or stigma.

It sounds to me as if social services may be recognising that your partner is emotionally and/or financially abusing you? Not all abuse is physical but it can be just as damaging both for you and for your child. I am glad they are offering you support - do embrace and accept that support.

Flip