Starting over again

[Intwomindss]

I’m 29, three DC under 7. Been separated from ex for a year, I have no interest in having a relationship right now. I wanna study, work and travel tbh, when I’m done with my degree and worked for a bit I’ll be around 36-37, when all my DC are grown up I’ll be early 40s. I’ll get my life back, travel, sleep, work abroad, go out with friends do whatever.

But my problem is part of me really want another baby and I’d have to have one around 36-37, if I do have a baby I wouldn’t be able to do the things above and would have to start over again. I just don’t wanna be 50 years old and regret I didn’t have the baby when I had the chance, don’t know what I’m trying to say with this post tbh, just wanna hear from people who’s had babies and started over again while having grown up DC.

Anyone?

Three children aren't enough? Why not?

I’d perhaps wait and see how you feel when you are nearer 36 (I think I understood right that this is when you are thinking of having dc4?)
Life doesn’t always go the way we plan and you don’t know where your life will have taken you by then. Also in another 7 years you may have changed your mind about having a baby. And if you haven’t, then it’s time to make a decision then.
Don’t get too ahead of yourself, and keep your options open.

Good luck

I've had a baby after a gap of 5 years and it's tough work! I've forgotten most of what happened last time round and feel like I'm back to square one as it were. We were just starting to have some resemblance of a life again but It's only my second child and I wanted my child to have a sibling but if I had 3 there's no way I'd have gone back again! Pregnancy was also much harder on my body this time round! Best of luck

Why do you want another baby so much do you think?

I think you shouldn't use "wanna" so much. It's just as easy to type "Want to".

It trivialises what you're saying.

how do you afford 3 kids as a lone parent and you want another

I don't know why I want another baby,I think I've just always seen myself with 4 DC, I just don't feel complete with three. You're right, things could change by the time I'm 36-37. On the other hand I just feel like a selfish cow and should just be happy with what I've got.

You'll get lots of comments asking why you want another baby. It's sort of irrelevant why you want one, as you do. The only question is how much you will want one in 15 years' time, and who knows? You may not want to go through the young baby years again much later on. Just wait and see.

No disrespect with what I am about to say as its prob true of myself - is the longing for another so you can choose a better dp /be seen to get it 'right' this time?

I used to think I wanted a mother baby. I was 29 when I separated from my ex, with 2 DC. I was convinced I wanted 3 children. I'm 42 now and DC are late teens and I'm loving the freedom of not having young children and being able to do things I want to do. I wouldn't dwell in it too much, just live your life and see what happens.

*another baby! Not a mother baby!

OP, you’ve been through a lot with the separation and part of the role now is go work out who you are. It appears that you had kids in your early 20s and do much of your identity is associated with being a mother and there is nothing wrong with that at all. It might be that you get older and do stil want it have another but it may be that subconsciously the future is a little daunting and so holding in to your identity right now makes it a little easier.

You may change your mind, you may not, but I would just get on with life in the meantime and sit down in 5-6 years for another think about it. You sound sensible and in control. I think you'll make a good decision when the time comes.

April yes that's properly true, my ex was lazy and abusive, never did anything around the house. I did everything, maybe I do want to know what's it's like to have a DH who did his share of housework and helped with the DC, and do the night feeds. I've never had that.

Violet oh gosh you sound like me in 10 years time. Do you have a DP just out of interest? Or did you just stay single?

Calvin yes I have been through a lot and that's why I'm not interested in having a relationship til I'm at least late 30s. Yes I had my DC young and missed out on a lot, in a way I'm glad I had them young because they will be all grown up when I'm in my early 40s and still young.

Butterymuffin thank you. I'm a bit of a planner, and like to have an idea of where I'll be in 5-10 years from now, but only time will tell I guess.