Father's Wedding - AIBU not to go?

[hehitmeanditfeltlikeakiss]

His partner's hen party was a couple of weeks ago and I agreed to go, but in the end I couldn't get childcare and my dad doesn't feel comfortable babysitting on his own because he doesn't like the idea of dealing with toilet times.. he never did it when I was a child either.

My relationship with his partner has been turbulent at times, and it's fair to say that she's really quite unreasonable. My dad and her didn't speak to me for the first year of dd's life because my mum died before dd was born, and I asked that my dad visit on his own first before visiting with his partner.. I'd just given birth and didn't feel comfortable around her.

Anyway back to this latest situation, she has fallen out with me because I didn't go to the hen party and sent me a few bitchy messages a couple of weeks ago. I let the dust settle and today I invited her to afternoon tea with me and dd to make amends, said it was my treat etc. She said no, and that she's done trying.

My dad is a nice man but he's very selfish and puts her feelings before absolutely everything (apart from his own). Aibu to not go to the wedding at all? I've had enough.

It’s completely up to you. I think you need to think as well about how he will view you not going. It’s could be the thing that ends your relationship completely.
You could be the bigger person and go and I’m sure you will have a nice time and your dd will enjoy being there. Or if you feel like it’s time that ties were cut then don’t go. Only you can make that decision.

Nope YANBU in the slightest.

If you had any hope of a relationship with your dad he has chosen to let it slide. But you seem adult and logical enough to see it for what it is. If she is "done trying" (nice woman) and he won't make a fuss for you then you will have to choose when to cut that last parent/child apron string at some point.

I hope that, whatever you choose to do it works out well for you.

Yanbu. I'd write them off tbh, they sound like a right pair of arseholes with no interest in your feelings whatsoever.

He never makes a fuss for me. I know I'm an adult and old enough to cope with my own issues, but recently things have been really difficult and although he knows all about it, he still never visits or makes an effort to see if I'm OK. However, her (adult) son gets in trouble with drugs etc and he's the first one to help.

I think it's time to cut ties. He's only my dad in the biological sense. He does fuck all to resemble a dad in other ways.

TBF I think YANBU but you do need to consider if you are done with them because that will likely be the outcome of not going to the wedding, I mean she will stop him from speaking to you from the description in your OP.

People keep telling me to go for my dad's sake but why should I when he clearly doesn't give a shit about me?

I would go. As the saying goes better to regret doing something than wonder what you have missed. You can always leave if it’s uncomfortable.

It’s up to you but I think that not going will be fairly irrevocable.

You’ll lose the moral high ground in the eyes of the extended family too.

Personally I might quietly attend and then leave quite soon after the meal citing the children as an excuse.

If you wish to limit contact that’s not unreasonable but I’m always a bit nervous that burning all bridges might be something you’d regret.

Op, is your dad a narcissist?

Is his bride and her son a source of narcistic supply?

If so I’d just quietly let them get on with it all because you’re never going to get what you need from your dad as his daughter.

Would I go to the wedding? No. I wouldn’t. But I’d let close familiy members know why by explaining about the fallout from the hen night.

Will the bride be happy to get your dad all to her and her sons self? Yes. But I’m a believer in the saying - never wrestle with a pig because you’ll both get dirty and the pig will enjoy it.

It all sounds really hurtful OP and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Don't go that's so selfish of both of them