To want to reconnect?

[QueenofSerene]

I had a friend, about 7-8 years younger than me and we hit it off in an instant. At the time I was with my ex-DH and she used to take glee in announcing us as her 'married friends' but my marriage fell apart and it feels like she was collateral damage.

Before I met my now DH, I had a relationship with a man who was emotionally, financially and physically abusive, to the point I've been to court and have a restraint of him. In that time I met my now DH and we've had two DC's.

Early on in my relationship, which admittedly was quite soon from the abusive one, my friend was dubious. She even tagged me in some stupid meme on FB about how 'enabling a friend through a bad relationship isn't being a friend at all' and I phoned her up and on speaker phone, in front of my now DH, asked her what her problem was. Her excuse was not wanting to 'pick up the pieces' again for another failed relationship (referring to me and my ex-DH not the abusive relationship..) which I assured her wouldn't be the case.

I fell pregnant with my now DH about 2 months into the relationship - we were trying and overjoyed - when I was about 8 months pregnant she invited me to a sales pitch (MLM) and I declined and she promptly deleted me from FB and got her husband to do so as well, but she still has me on snapchat and views my 'stories'.

Since then, my DH and I have been together for over 2.5 years, we've had two DC's (yeah I had back-to-back pregnancies..) and we're still going strong, but I miss this friend greatly as she now also has two DC's and I've no real friends who have kids.

Is it unreasonable for me to send her something so innocuous as a snapchat to say 'I miss you'?

Yes. She sounds awful.

Don’t do it. Better to be without friends than with totally unsuitable ones. She isn’t a nice person, that’s the bottom line.

No don't. Find some new friends who are nicer.

You were trying to have a baby with a man you'd known for 8 weeks.

You had your second baby within a year of knowing him.

You called her up to confront her with your boyfriend listening on speaker phone.

If I were her I may well be spent and glad to be away. Try something more mature than snapchat. I don't think you're unreasonable to initiate contact but I'd be prepared to be ignored or kept at arms length.

It is another abusive relationship. She sounds flaky as all get out, upredictable and a bit of a user from what you have said.
Ask yourself what it is your are missing and if it was all that.

Your relationships sound like car crashes and even this latest one is still fairly new.

Maybe she was fatigued from supporting you through it all.

As much as I hate MLM, perhaps she thought “I’ve supported her through 2 abusive relationships and she cant support me with my new business”... ?

Leave it. Don’t contact her. In fact, delete her off snapchat and whatever else. She’ll be in touch if she wants to be. Find some new friends.

I think you need to search within yourself to figure out what it is within yourself that makes you feel the need to be connected to people.. it sounds as though you can’t be alone or you thrive for attention/affection. I’m just basing this on the fact that you committed to somebody very quickly after coming out of a bad relationship. Have you seeked some therapy or supportive help? Your friend was worried about you but she did it in all the wrong ways- publicly humiliating you on Facebook about your past abusive relationships is not being a sensitive friend. Though are you one to broadcast your news anyways? you did the same to her on speaker phone. So in my eyes you are both as bad. I think if you miss her you need to get out into the world and meet new people- sometimes it’s better to say goodbye to something but be forgiveful to yourself for doing so and let go. Good luck and I really hope this new relationship works for you.

Find new friends with kids. This relationship is done.