Screens, tech and society - hate it

[Flippetydip]

Apologies if this has been done to death - and yes before anyone points it out I am typing this on social media and therefore embracing the "modern age" but I find it deeply depressing seeing everyone buried in screens to the exclusion of all else.

So far I've managed to avoid tablets/phones etc for our DC (7 and 9) but I'm aware it won't be long and then we lose them as well. I hate the fact that they will not live their teenage lives without constant exposure on social media. I feel fortunate to be old enough that I could be stupid and think stupid things when younger without feeling the need to show the world (or have someone else show the world without my permission). I hate the fact that home will no longer be a safe environment for them - you used to be able to switch off from the shit of the day by coming home but now it follows you everywhere.

How do I learn to like it and how do I keep my children safe when the time comes?

I'm with you on this. I nearly ran someone over today because they crossed the road whilst glued to their phone, it gives me the rage!
My take on it is it is social control, we are turning into zombies who stare at screens and see nothing else. Unfortunately children are tech savvy these days, my 11 year old opened a Facebook account the other day, against my wishes and when I told him to take it down he moaned that all his friends are in there! Made my really sad that it's come to this. It'll be hard, but try and keep your children off for as long as possible!

People whined and moaned about: the masses learning to read; women getting jobs outside the home; the theatre, popular music (for decade upon decade); the cinema; television; computer games. 'Screens' is just the latest thing for whiners to whine about. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything.

I think all you can do is try to educate them about the risks involved. I will be teaching dd that what is put out there cannot be taken back, and that being on social media leaves children vulnerable to cyber bullying, grooming etc. I will also be teaching her about mindfulness, and how screens and social media stop you living in the moment and enjoying your experiences. I don't know if it will work, but I don't think banning it all will work either to be honest.

There’s no reason for you to “lose” your children or for your home not to be a safe environment if you implement their use sensibly.

My DCs have access to tablets but the still play with all sorts of other things, play outdoors etc.

They are too young for social media yet so that needed be a concern.

Yes, zombies is how I see it too - it is very sad and I know I'm not immune to this but I hate how it blocks out everything else. It's this that frightens me:

www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/nov/09/facebook-sean-parker-vulnerability-brain-psychology

Storm when do you start having that conversation?

Reanimated - it's the all consumingness of it, not actually "it" per se. I'm not sure at all that it's equivalent to the masses learning to read.

Start by examining your somewhat angst language & hyperbole. You’ve not lost your children
You have a notion of tech as a scary thing you need to shield protect your kids from
When in fact tech is the thing your kids will live with,it’s their world they are immersed in
And it’s a wonderful world of tech that’ll help with their homework, talking to relatives and friends online,making videos,watch movies
Your kids are as safe on,one so long as you have the talk about safety and savvy.
No point being a Luddite make the tech work for you

You can’t mythologise the past were huddled round tv was golden time
Yes,golden time of shite tv,casual sexism and casual racism

This is how the world is now. Schools are gradually using more and more tech, job requirements now need experience in various tech and software. My children use tablets, game on the Xbox and have phones. I see it as important they are used to tech when we live in a world where tech is taking over.

I also do take all tech away at night and make sure they take breaks and go out to play. It's finding the right balance in my own opinion.

When I was young, I was outside all hours, read books, lived in the country. It's hard to accept the world has changed so much in such a short space of time, but it is what it is.

Currently I am on my phone, DS is doing a Starfall reading fame, DS2 and DD2 are playing Minecraft hunger games on Xbox and DD1 is playing Sims on her laptop upstairs.

Yesterday we went to the local islands for a picnic and spent four hours in a local huge play park then took the dog for a walk along the nature walk.

I do get where you are coming from and I'm not trying to say I agree with all the tech these days, it's more just a case of accepting that is the way of things now.

Lipstick yes I agree my OP does read full of hyperbole and angst but can I suggest you have a read of the link above and of this one:
www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/05/smartphone-addiction-silicon-valley-dystopia

It's not a coincidence that many parents who work in silicone valley send their children to a specialist school which does not let their children have tech nor that both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates raised their children without technology. Why?

Colly I'm sure it's a case of getting the balance right, but I'm not sure I'm ready to accept it just because "that's the way it is".

You know fine if you look online you’ll find research to prove any point,any hypothesis
Equally there is research tech is safe, educational & stimulating for kids
I’d suggest you lose the angst and initiate safe and time limited use.discuss online safety

You seem determined to prove your own angst
What do you want?kids playing shuve ha’penny and no tech life

Back in the day angst parents obsessed about mobile phone masts, then about phones now it’s tech and food provenance that the MC get all earnest about

Even when your DC get devices (as they undoubtedly will in future) you can still lock down the security settings on any family devices. Or start them off with basic phones without all the gaming and internet, so they can use the phone for safety and keeping in touch, but don't have the risk of stumbling into the dark web etc.

You can also limit web access to certain times of day via your router, and put certain sites onto a white list (friendly sites) which excludes all other web access, via parent filter software.

Op what’s your job,you must see that tech has changed your role for the better
The same tech that can send results to GP and hospitals immediately
Tech & Apps used in physiotherapy, tech & apps in Speech therapy
Home technology that enables older adults to,safely remain at home,tech to prompt to take medication, tech that can alert family of older adult falls at home
The technology has revolutionised our life’s for the better

And Oh the irony of going online to search articles to prove how,umm dangerous online is

Lipstick I did already mention in my OP that I was aware I was online and therefore embracing modern technology. The question perhaps I could have phrased better is how to stop my children becoming social media zombies along with the rest of the world. How to stop them looking at their phones to the exclusion of normal conversation. How to stop them becoming depressed. And say what you will about online statistics you cannot argue with the fact that teenage suicide has gone up exponentially since the rise of social media.

Of course all technology is not bad. I would never be stupid enough to suggest it was. But certain tech is, in my mind, a scourge.

Read your own posts scourge,zombies.youve hyped it to a dystopian hell
You’re probably the sort of person who’d have worried about phone masts in past and gone out to find research to prove it too
You’ve absolutely convinced yourself tech is a scourge,and plenty flakes out there will concur with you

nor that both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates raised their children without technology

Holding Jobs up as some sort of model for parenting is pretty ambitious:

www.quora.com/Was-Steve-Jobs-a-good-father-according-to-his-children-If-so-how-was-he-a-good-father

Lipstick if you met me IRL you would realise you are way past the mark on what I'm like. You're not actually providing me with anything concrete, you're just arguing. I at least have provided something to back up my fears. You've also picked up on two words to the exclusion of all else without even engaging with the rest.

how to stop my children becoming social media zombies

Alternatively, how to phrase questions without using wildly emotive language which pretty much indicates the sort of answers you're looking for. "How to enable my children to make effective use of modern technology" is the same question, but with a rather different framing.

How to stop them becoming depressed.

How to stop their mother from begging the question, perhaps.

you cannot argue with the fact that teenage suicide has gone up exponentially since the rise of social media

In 2001, 240 people aged 10 to 19 killed themselves in the UK.

In 2016, 231 people aged 10 to 19 killed themselves in the UK.

Tell us again about that exponential rise, eh?

No,suicide & self harm has not exponentially increased in the least
There is no direct cause & effect between social media and suicide/ dsh

I stand corrected on the UK stats. That's good news. I was quoting US statistics for which I apologise.

Self-harm is up 68% over the last decade though, so not so good.

Fine cuboid perhaps read my first post which asked:

How do I learn to like it and how do I keep my children safe when the time comes?

Which is not in the slightest hyperbolic. I picked up Zombie from another poster and it's a term I think sits well.

You’re entrenched Op,and any contrary view you’ll see as arguing.not my business to disavow you of flaky views
however I feel compelled to dispute your made up stats and research

As a responsible parent you model & demonstrate behaviour and values you align with
The only reason your kids will be zombies is if you fail to set boundaries,and don’t offer alternatives
Tech is a medium,a portal to access stuff.thats all it is.dont confer power it doesn’t have
You can and should discuss mental health,not in a here come a TOPIC way,just naturally
You can set the passwords,you can set safety settings,you had the control
You somehow fear you have no parental control to the all subsuming web.why?

Me & kids have been up since 6,shopped,been out,made food and now watching tv,on iPad and ds

So when you said "you cannot argue with the fact that teenage suicide has gone up exponentially" what you meant was "I haven't bothered to find out, but no-one should argue with me, because of my feels and confidence in being right".

Self-harm is up 68% over the last decade though

Can you perhaps think about why that figure, if true (we've seen above your casual attitude to unarguable facts) might have some confounders? Would you perhaps accept that social attitudes and understanding of self-harm have changed and therefore reporting rates are up?

Autism rates are up. Do you think that's social media, too? Perhaps it's vaccinations? Or perhaps it's more accurate and sensitive diagnosis of a previously hidden condition? If you want to do some useful research rather than just wailing on the social networks you affect to despise, why not do a PhD in that and find out?

I was quoting US statistics for which I apologise.

Can I just say "really?".

Here's the US suicide rate per 100 000 population, 1975-2015. Could you point to the "exponential rise" (I do not think that word means what you think it means) associated with social media?

Taken from: www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6630a6.htm

Then let's consider that younger people have rates of suicide considerably lower than other age groups, particularly middle-aged men.

afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/