To just hate my life

[summerwillcome]

I know I might well be and I’m trying to count blessings and think of positive things and at least I am not homeless or starving or any other terrible things that could potentially happen.

But I am feeling rubbish. I feel like I am just waiting to die because I am just excess space and surplus to requirements and not really needed or wanted anywhere. I know this is very self pitying and I probably do need a kick up the arse.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this

What is your daily routine? Do you work? Have dc’s?

I think we all feel like that sometimes. You haven’t said any details about your life so I can’t comment on that BUT if you feel this way then it’s in your power to do something about it. Become helpful. Perhaps do some charity work? Help food banks or animal shelters maybe?

Also try a few mindfulness days to help find your inner peace. You have the power you just need to use it.

That’s part of the problem. I’m so peaceful I’m practically in a coma. But it isn’t really peace I feel, it’s numbness.

I do work, go through all the motions of living like a normal person but then it’s not and it’s too late to make it so.

You are allowed to feel shit. Don’t apologise. What’s led to this, is it a new feeling or have you always felt like this? You’ve hinted (or I’ve incorrectly picked up) you are surrounded by people who aren’t supportive. Is this the case or do you have someone anyone around you can feel comfortable with?

You don't need a kick. You need a hug. And maybe a chat with your GP?
The feelings you describe are classic depression symptoms.
You don't have to justify your existence - you are a unique human being, valuable in your own right, and loved by God. All the negative thoughts about being a waste of space are just the depression talking, they're no reflection of the real you.
Please seek help, before this gets any worse. Confide in a friend or relation, or phone the Samaritans, or see your GP. There is plenty of help waiting for you out there. And in the meantime, I'm sending a hug for starters.

That’s really kind. Thank you. Unfortunately I know that the quickest way to lose friends is to whine at them! I don’t really have any relatives I can confide in either. GP would just try and stick me on ADs which isn’t a route I want to go down. I know I am going to be one of those extremely frustrating Mnetters! But it’s all just shit, and nothing can help!

Have you tried ADs before, OP? If not, might it be worth trying before dismissing, especially if nothing else is helping?

I need to feel less tired, not more! No, really. It’s my life, it’s not depression. Does that even make sense?

Are you sure you can’t moan to friends - I’m not saying you are wrong -after all, you know your friends better than I do ;) but it is a normal part of friendship that you can go to each other and have a moan. My favourite past time is moaning it seems at the moment.

I have a few friends that don’t show or talk about difficulties in any detail. They are a bit suck it up and move on. Which is fine, but sometimes I wonder if they feel they can’t moan to me rather than they don’t want to. And I feel I am not being supportive enough. Is there any chance your friends may feel like this?

I’m sorry you feel so bad. It’s like you need something to caputure your attention and make you feel alive.
What about exercise - that may help with tiredness? I’m going to churn out all the usual stuff now - any groups you can join, any books you can read, options for travel, hobbies to take up? New challenge at work? Different work?

I’m not going to be able to phrase this the right way, so bare with me - but do you think you ironically have too high expectations? Ie feel like you should be doing something amazing, surrounded by amazing people all the time (kind of like how Facebook portrays people’s lives?) . If you feel you can’t live up to high expectations that could leave you feeling flat and like life is just one big mundane experience.

I don’t mean it in an - oh just shut up and count your blessings way. But sometimes I catch myself wondering if everyone else’s life is more exciting than mine and when I start thinking like that, I feel flat. A bit of a projection there.

I know GP will likely offer ADs and you don’t want these, but how about a referral to a counsellor. Could be a platform to explore what maybe you could try changing to feel less bad.