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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hotel Bills

64 replies

wingingitwithkids · 13/04/2018 09:49

Husband has been very odd about his phone and security of it over the last few years to the point that he wrestled it out of my hands once. He has been very grumpy to us all. He used to leave it out, years ago now it has fingerprint all sorts galore functions. I've been too busy with the children and work to deal with it all. I was in our office, sorting out paperwork and came across a hotel bill for when he was last working away. Everything was fine apart from the number of guests - which said 2. He was staying alone. I am sure this is a genuine mistake by the hotel, is there any way I could find out? I have invoice number etc? Don't want to be paranoid. But he may have to go away for the next few weeks again and suddenly he was all nice when he was telling me. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

silverbirches · 13/04/2018 23:31

Your husband runs his own business, but doesn't allow you any access to the accounts or business records? Never mind the issues with the phone or the double booking, I wouldn't stand for that.

MollyHuaCha · 13/04/2018 23:37

Hope there's an innocent explanation.

SlimGin · 13/04/2018 23:37

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Apologies if I've missed it but can you/have you asked him about it? Otherwise you may simply never know.
I work as a reception manager at a hotel so will give you my input:
Number of occupants can easily be an admin error whether the booking was directly made on the phone or on a booking website. It should be amended on check in especially for fire evacuation reasons but sometimes is forgotten and will show as 2 people on the invoice.

Some hotel rates will differ for double/single occupancy. Some hotels, like mine, the rate stays the same.
'#2 Dkt#0003' could mean a variety of things such as table 2/ 2 people/ 2nd order of the day and dish number 3, 3rd order of the day etc.

Unfortunately without asking the hotel for a full breakdown of occupants/charges you might never know. In my experience these sorts of requests are prioritised if they are complaints. So if you email them stating there is error on the bill and you need the bill explained they may get back to you with the answer you need, but might cause a bit of unecessary stress for them. Again, even if they investigate the answer may not be 100% accurate.

Sorry for long answer!!

ToadOfSadness · 13/04/2018 23:41

Dkt = docket I think

Fruitcorner123 · 13/04/2018 23:54

His reaction over his phone is dodgy. If i was on my husbands phone he wouldn't acccuse me of not trusting him, if anything he would accuse me of being nosey but in a light hearted way. He would know that I wouldn't be checking up on him.

Unless you have a history of not trusting him why would you looking at his phone instantly lead him to that conclusion? It's the guilty who tend to react like this in my experience.

condepetie · 14/04/2018 00:00

Really suspicious. Talk to him about it. You found the original item by accident and if he has nothing to hide there isn't a problem, right?

QuoadUltra · 14/04/2018 00:00

I think the hotel bill is a side issue. Your gut is telling something that you’ve been too busy (‘didn’t want’?) to address but now are ready to.

Why do you know so little about his finances? I would start there are ask a bit more about money (not about hotels) because you need that info.

Fruitcorner123 · 14/04/2018 00:03

Talk to him about it.

I don't think you should do this. He will deny everything and you have no way of knowing and will have alerted him to your suspicions.

GreenTulips · 14/04/2018 00:06

Do you know where he's going next? Which hotel city?

You could call as see if 'Mrs X is staying and ask to be put through on the phone?'

Daifuku9 · 14/04/2018 01:04

Stay strong, OP. I’m sorry your going through this and hope there’s an innocent explanation. Whatever it is, I wish you well and hope it all works out for you and your kids.

Seniorcitizen1 · 14/04/2018 01:09

When I work away and stay overnight I always say me and DP are staying to ensure get room with double bed rather than a twin bedded room or a single bed room

snewname · 14/04/2018 01:37

I'd wait and find some way of checking his next hotel visit.

Margomyhero · 14/04/2018 06:35

Could be a genuine error on the bill.

The reaction to you and bus phone is not good though. Phones are private, me and DH do not use each other's. However such an extreme reaction does look like he has something he doesn't want you to see.

Hope it's something and nothing OP.

jkl0311 · 14/04/2018 07:03

Maybe just ask him, you could gauge the reaction pretty quickly. If it's genuine or if he flys off the handle.... hiding something

Original poster

wingingitwithkids · 14/04/2018 20:41

Silver Birches, I’ve asked before for business info in case anything happened to him but he’s got stroppy with me. Often says you know what goes into the bank acc (pays a salary in from his business.) I stopped asking because of his reaction. Now - he’s awaiting where or if he is going next week, his industry is often last min but would usually know what doing at least by now the following week. I’m so tempted to say something.

OP posts:

PeanutButterSquash · 14/04/2018 20:46

Ime the guest number is a maximum.
So, for eg, a single person in a room with a double bed = 2 guests iykwim? So I don't think that's an issue, tbh.
The rest (phone secrecy and snappy about money) would make me very suspicious though

Original poster

wingingitwithkids · 14/04/2018 21:26

Thanks Peanut Butter Squash. I phoned the hotel (see earlier post) and gave the receptionist the invoice number and she was adamant two people. But didn’t have details of other person.

OP posts:

snewname · 14/04/2018 21:28

Wait and watch. You need proof. It could be lots or nothing. Either way you need to take steps to get greater transparency in your financial matters.

Original poster

wingingitwithkids · 14/04/2018 21:32

I am struggling to act normal. I can’t bear to talk to him or be in the same room. I completely agree about the financial transparency but don’t know how to approach and now feel lik I’m acting weird.

OP posts:

mehhh · 14/04/2018 21:32

Phone secrecy is weird..

I'd maybe call the hotel and say you're someone from accounts or something and you want to clarify if there is 1 or 2 people

Original poster

wingingitwithkids · 14/04/2018 21:40

That’s what I did. Said I was doing tax returns/expenses for a client and wanted to query the two guests. She said def. two but didn’t have any details of the other guest. Said no children. Maybe I’ll phone back on Monday and speak to a different receptionist to dbl ck. maybe all just an admin error.

OP posts:

Voice0fReason · 14/04/2018 21:55

If she didn't have details on the other guest then I suspect it was because there was only 1.

Littlewhitedove · 14/04/2018 22:08

I think it would be worth phoning the hotel he next stays in when he goes away and trying to find out if he is alone. I would get the proof before talking to him or he may become even more secretive.

Happygummibear · 14/04/2018 22:43

Just from experience. I had an ex that suddenly got all secretive about his phone. He then started going to London for lads weekends, i checked his bag and found his tacky thong he said it was a joke. He stopped sleeping with me and got a Valentine's card which he brushed off as a bad joke.

Anyway turns out after we broke up he admitted that he had been seeing someone else... a friend he had introduced me too and I had let stay in my house.

It tore me apart but was also the best thing to have happened for me.

I hope there is an innocent explanation but imho there shouldn't be secrets like this between partners. Me and my husband can look at each other's phones if we ask and know the pins for emergencies but also respect and trust each other to only look at the others phone if requested or we ask the other.

Original poster

wingingitwithkids · 15/04/2018 13:12

Ok so I’ve still not said anything about the hotel bill but have approached him about finances so thank you ladies for advice.

I have also found a bill for the other time be stayed at said hotel - clearly says 1 guest for that booking. I was out all day with the kids yesterday he has since tidied office and filed away hotel bill.

Last night I bought up about me applying for staff roles and my car lease. I said we need financial transparency and he bit my head off again. It did not go well. I have give him an ultimatum. Be honest with me. He has sent me an email today (we are not talking in front of children) saying -he’s been stressed because of the business. That

As a director he has understimated how much tax he personally had to pay back in January
paperwork wasn’t submitted to PAYE on time So no money in the business hence he’s stressed. This is not the first time ‘tax’ has been messed up. But he pays an accountant so again I’m unsure how payments could be late and how this could happen???? How likely when you’re a limited company Director is it?

I’m not sure I believe him. Given the hotel bill. I’m madly applying for staff jobs now as an really worried. My phone, car etc through the business. I work freelance and do bits for him but I don’t earn anywhere enough to support me and the kids. Considering I am well educated, have a degree - I have been a fool. This is someone I’ve known since I was 11 married for ten. Yet I don’t think I know him at all.

OP posts:

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