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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My brother is smoking crack

30 replies

Dbisadruguser · 13/04/2018 01:12

I didn't know where to put this, my brother has been smoking crack for at least a year maybe longer and I need to help him, he came to my house the other day and he looked awful it made me feel like crap just seeing him with suken eyes, grey and spotty skin stinking and dirty.
My mum is burying her head in the sand about it and I have no clue what to do, I cannot afford to send him away for rehab.
I'm scared he's going to kill himself he's only 29.
Please help

OP posts:
MrsJackHackett · 13/04/2018 03:53

You won't have to pay to send him to rehab, the first hurdle is him saying I have a problem and want to change. Then by all means look up places local that deal with addiction, if he's willing take him, they will take it from there. They often also have services for family too, so you get help in what you've dealt with, a whole multitude of things.

They will find a rehab unit often far from home, this is to make sure family can't enable the patient, as when you see a person suffering your instinct is to help.

The first hurdle is him wanting change. You can't force it on him unfortunately.

I dealt with a sibling with an addiction, supported them through it all, supported them through relapses. They really have to want to stop, or they won't offer treatment.

My sibling wasn't on drugs, but I've helped a few people and seen people on drugs, I've seen people who have tried rehab.

If you look into Russell Brand he is a person who does a lot for addiction charities. He was quoted on c4 news as saying addiction is anaesthetic for the soul, so alcohol or drugs, there's an underlying issue that needs sorting, thus rehab & post rehab services.

I don't even know what crack does, but volunteering I came across people doing all sorts who told me their stories, it all made sense as to why mentally they were suffering, thus self medicating.

Any support I can give you please don't hesitate to ask.

Bumshkawahwah · 13/04/2018 15:09

Clarioncall, ginkypig and chick, everything you guys are saying is striking a chord with me. Ginkypig, my brother is your sister. Not using heroin but not clean, living in limbo. Chick - god, those are the just like conversations I have. It drives me crazy.

Sorry I’m hijacking you’re thread a little, OP, but just hearing what other people have to contribute is making me teary. No one outside my room immediate family knows what it is like - the guilt, the frustration and the utter sorrow that my brother, who at his best is kind, funny, clever and lovely is living a life where he has never really grown up and taken responsibility and as someone else said, anesthetises himself with drugs. I wish so much that things were different for him.

OP, we know what you are going through :(

Dbisadruguser · 14/04/2018 19:45

Bumshkawahwah hijack away, maybe we could all come here just for some support, not even for a reply but just to let out all the emotions.

Anyway a little update from me
I haven't called any drug helpline yet but will do first thing Monday morning, my ex spoke to db yesterday and has said he wants help and that he is also willing to help me support him, which is funny because he barely supports me and our d's but that's for another thread.
So we will see how things progress.

OP posts:
GirlsBlouse17 · 14/04/2018 20:42

Does he want to be helped OP? I'm sorry you have had to see him destroy his life. It must be heartbreaking. I've watched a few episodes of The Jeremy Kyle Show in the past couple of years where he pays for drug addicts to go into rehab for a while. I know it's a programme people love to hate but the programme did genuinely help some people with their addiction. Might be worth considering as a last resort

pointythings · 14/04/2018 21:08

He has to want to stop. That's the bottom line, and until he really wants to stop, you can't help him. You need to set boundaries - don't allow him in the house around your kids when he is using, don't give him money, don't enable him. Do support him in attending appointments, getting into rehab etc. Look into getting some support for yourself too - contact info here - you cannot do this alone.

I speak from experience - my STBXH is an alcoholic. I couldn't help him either. He is still not in recovery, though he no longer lives with us. Getting family support has been a lifeline for me and has allowed me to do the right thing for myself and my DDs. You need that too.

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