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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about pocket money

65 replies

brookewestbabes · 12/04/2018 17:47

my DD has recently turned 6 and i felt this was a good time to start giving her pocket money. me and DP don't have a lot of money so we felt £1 a week was reasonable. however shes come home from school to tell me that after telling her friends about how much pocket money she gets theyve started calling her mean names, telling her shes poor because they get more. she said one gets a fiver a week which is ridiculous for a 6 yr old! after talking to the girls mums about the name calling, one of them told me £1 was unfair and i got so angry i called her a nasty bitch to her face which i admit was a bit much. what does everyone think?

OP posts:

Turnocks34 · 12/04/2018 18:18

£1 is fine if that’s all you can afford. Even if you can afford more, if you feel that amount is adequate for your child, then it’s no one else’s business.

We give our 4 year old £2 a week, which he normally buys a hot wheel match box car with when we do the food shop.

As with a previous poster, our eldest son also has ‘jobs’ to do. Nothing drastic, he folds his pyjamas up every morning, puts his dirty clothes in the washing basket, and sets the dinner table every evening for dinner. That said his jobs dont reflect his ‘spends’.

moodance · 12/04/2018 18:19

Bless your cotton socks... i understand where you are coming from .. yes you shouldn't of called the other mum a bitch ... but if she was being a snotty bitch then I would of done the same ... me bad. It's just appears that the mother is a snob and the child is a spoilt brat .... I have a 9 year he doesn't get pocket money ... what do you think this is ... so kind of soup kitchen ... children need to earn their pocket money it isn't there given right ... what on earth is a 6 year going to spend x amount of money on? How are you going to educate your child about the value of money if you simply just give her pocket money?

upsideup · 12/04/2018 18:20

You saying £5 a week is ridiculous for a 6 year old is no different to her saying £1 a week is unfair tbh, you both do it differently but you handled the situation very badly and I hope you didnt say that in front of the children.
Personally I thought the whole point of giving pocket money to small children was giving some of the money you would already have been spending on them for non essential items directly too them to organise, budget and spend with themselves rather than giving extra random money on top of what you already spend? My kids start getting £5 a week at 4 and thats never cost us any more than it did before they got pocket money, £1 to me doesnt neccesarily seem unfair but just seems a bit pointless.

Mrsbird311 · 12/04/2018 18:20

£1 a week is fine, I imagine it’s just to go and buy some sweets for herself!! It’s not like she’s going out with her friends shopping, just getting her used to money. The other kids were mean and the mother was a nasty bitch, Maybe not your finest moment but it’s done and at least she knows what you think of her opinions!!
You do what’s right for your family it’s nobody else’s business

XiCi · 12/04/2018 18:22

But giving pocket money is educating them about the value of money. That's the whole point. Otherwise, they are getting stuff bought for them by parents /grandparents etc, they have no idea how much things cost and that money grows on trees!

scurryfunge · 12/04/2018 18:22

Wait until they are teens. My DS regularly came back with " but all my friends get £400 per month spends". That may be so ( very wealthy pals) but it ain't happening in our house. I dispensed with regular pocket money but was quite happy to bung him the odd £20 now and again for weekend jaunts.

Outlookmainlyfair · 12/04/2018 18:24

I am really surprised by some of these comments. My 6yo does not really get pocket money, my 11 yo gets less than £5 a week and they are perfectly happy. This is not an affordability issue.
I would be more concerned about the children being so judgemental!

flamingnoravera · 12/04/2018 18:29

For children in care (I know yours isn't but it's a benchmark) there is a rate table that carers are expected to either give or piggy bank for the children they look after. The rates are in the attached document. I think £1 is absolutely fine for a six year old and tbf any more is too much for a child of that age to manage properly. I believe that if you give children pocket money they need to be free to use it as they wish (within legal boundaries obv). Most 6 year olds buy sweets, £1 worth of sweets is a lot of sugar- too much for a child in one day but if they've bought it they'll want to eat it.

You may find if you look at what you buy for your six year old on a regular basis, such as comics or little toys or sweets, that they could be termed "pocket money treats" for which you pay and the £1 is on top of them- lucky him! Other kids have to use their pocket money to buy such treats.

And ignore other parents telling you you are mean- you are not. It's plenty for a six year old.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2018 18:36

My dds, 9 & 7, don't get pocket money yet. They don't need or want anything. We live in an affluent area, and I don't think many of their friends get pocket money yet.

HighwayDragon1 · 12/04/2018 18:39

We do a pound a week per year of her age, so each year she gets a raise by £1 a week. I think it is stingy, and would seriously raise an eyebrow at being sworn at!

HollowTalk · 12/04/2018 18:44

I can't remember when mine got pocket money but they certainly didn't get it at that age. If I'd given them regular money I would've expected them to buy some sweets with it, so I wouldn't have given them more than £1. I'd rather get them things as they need them or if we're out for the day rather than them having some random amount whether they needed it or not. It's fine if they're the sort who will save, but if they're not, it's just wasted.

Daifuku9 · 12/04/2018 18:48

You give her what you can afford and so she can a) feel happy to treat herself to something now and then b) learn to save up for something special c) learn the value of money
Everything she needs, you provide for her, so the amount doesn’t matter.
Try to blow off what others say, it’s not their business and their nasty behavior is on them. Yes, you were a bit nasty yourself, and you acknowledged it’s wrong. Now you know to take a deep breath and control your temper in the future.
I didn’t give my sons allowance until last year, and only because they started asking for more video games/downloads/add-one/toys. They use their allowance for “fun” stuff like that, and now learn to save.

Daifuku9 · 12/04/2018 18:48

Oops, sons are 10 and 13.

TeenTimesTwo · 12/04/2018 18:52

DD, 13 gets £15 per month.

But she doesn't socialise independently yet, so e.g. I took her and a friend swimming over the holidays and I paid. I took her to a craft place and I paid. DH took her to the cinema and he paid. We went to a local walking place with tea room, and I paid. We pay for clubs and extra curricular activities.

When she starts socialising independently then we will probably up pocket money.

irregularegular · 12/04/2018 18:55

£1 a week sounds fine to me. You need to think about what you actually want her to do with it. Mine could spend it on anything provided it wasn't edible! I wouldn't have wanted to give them much more than that to waste on silly tat. They got 10p per year of age until secondary. Then £4 a week. It's still that at 14/15. If they want more they need to earn it babysitting etc.

I wasn't aware of anyone giving 6 year olds £5 a week round here.

irregularegular · 12/04/2018 18:58

And it definitely isn't an affordability issue for us. I just didn't/don't want them wasting too much money on whatever the latest craze was. Those £1 add up surprisingly quickly. We bought them weekly sweets on top.

PinkHeart5914 · 12/04/2018 19:02

I wouldn’t say calling someone a bitch is being a ‘proud mummy’ tbh , I’d say in life some people always have diffrent ideas on how to parent children and calling her a bitch was way over the top! So you ended a discussion about name calling by saying she was a bitch? 😂

Yes £1 is enough for a 6 year old

SweetMoon · 12/04/2018 19:04

£1 is fine. 6 year olds don't need pocket money anyway but I realise in the uk this is common. £5 a week at that age is ridiculous. Mine started getting pocket money (£5 a month) about age 10.

flamingnoravera · 12/04/2018 19:05

There is research to suggest that the more pocket money a child gets the less likely they are to save.

simplyfostering.co.uk/how-to-be-a-foster-carer/pocket-money/

But it was not ok to call another person a bitch. That's aggressive and not something I'm sure, you'd want your child learning to repeat.

Tcga745 · 12/04/2018 19:27

Oh this is interesting!!! I think I may have done everything wrong!
Only my 12 yo gets pocket money . She asked for it and suggested £5 per week was appropriate. Sometimes we both forget and she gets nothing.
Every now and again I give the 17 yo money (£100).
The other two are not interested.
We are reasonably ok financially and they have what they need, presents outside of birthdays and Christmas are rare.
I absolutely will not pay them for doing stuff round the house like emptying dishwasher and making beds... I think that they should help as part of a family not to get paid.
I also couldn’t care less what other people give their children and think it is bad form to comment... it almost seems like showing off.

Babyplaymat · 12/04/2018 19:32

Our 7 and 6 yr olds get £1 a week to spend on sweets, and one magazine a month if we remember. I'm in the process of trying to set up one of those Go Henry cards each to earn a few pennies for other things, and for Christmas/birthday spending money to go on.

If they need clothes we get them, they get the odd little toy or treat or whatever on very rate occasions so they really don't need anything else.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 12/04/2018 19:35

My kids do chores and I would never pay them for doing what is expected in a normal household. It's bizarre to set that trend. £1 for a 6 year old is lovely of you.

Greggers2017 · 12/04/2018 19:35

I started pocket money about a year ago. I give ds who is 9, £5 a week. Dd and dsd who are 9 and 10 get £1 per day for when they go out with their friends after school.
All can earn more if they do jobs etc but are All very good at saving.

elQuintoConyo · 12/04/2018 19:42

My 6yo doesn't get weekly pocket money, is that bad?

£1 sounds more than enough, i used to get 30p at that age and £5 when i was 16-18.

DS did have some spending money last year on holiday, he spent it on those rides outside shops (that all seem to be broken at home ) and the rest on coins you can buy from different castles or villages (France) so he now has quite a collection.

Lucyccfc · 12/04/2018 19:45

My 13 year old DS gets £5 a week plus his £13 a month phone contract . He has to do chores to earn it though - teaching him you get nothing in life if you don't work for it.

He generally saves it all and buys new football kits each season.

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