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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people judge you when your not working?

38 replies

Louiseob33 · 12/04/2018 15:07

I’m not very well at the minute but I’m hoping il be better soon.
I went to the dentist a few weeks ago and got the judgemental eye roll when asking if I pay for treatment.
Just been to Specsavers and she asked if I pay and I said not at the minute.
She looked at me as if I was something she stood in.
Anyone else ever had that?or felt that way?
I didn’t choose to be unwell and I hate not working.
I’m itching to get back.

OP posts:

Spangles1963 · 12/04/2018 19:36

In general,I don't find that I'm judged by dentists,opticians etc. The only time I can think of when I got the impression I was being judged was quite a few years ago when I phoned my bank about a payment of Incapacity Benefit that had not appeared in my account,which the DWP assured me they had made. The woman I spoke to on the phone was helpful and pleasant,until the moment I mentioned the words 'Incapacity Benefit'. Her tone instantly instantly changed to being very offhand and dismissive,to the point that she more or less said that it was my own fault that the payment wasn't there because I was a benefits scrounger.

HumptyD93 · 12/04/2018 19:53

I gave up work to be a sahm. No tax credits/nhs exemption as dh worked. Yet a close family members wife (who happened to be a teacher) told me to "get off your fat arse and get a job".

yet if I worked I would have earnt £17 a day after paying for childcare....so it wasn't worth it.
(not factoring in the £5 in buses to get to work, if dc was poorly I would have still had to pay for childcare yet not get paid at work, Plus I worked in the baby room in the nursery he would have attended so I would literally be paying £40 to look after my own child.

People don't work for many reasons....Whatever your reason for not working, it is no-ones business and they shouldn't be making you feel guilty

friendlyflicka · 12/04/2018 20:29

I think it is partly how you present yourself. I can't work due for reasons of health. But to people I don't know well, I just say 'no, I don't work' in the tone of voice that suggests I am lucky rather than giving reasons and being apologetic. It has taken me six years to stop feeling like I need to make excuses for my lack of employment. I had to coach myself a lot at the beginning.

GrannyGrissle · 12/04/2018 21:03

I happily declare that no, i don't pay and we have the NHS to thank for that, what with 4 doctors misdiagnosing my (blatently obvious) brain disease then a trainee screwing up a lumbar puncture (a mere 5 attempts). Don't give a crap what people make of that - i'd sooner be working any day of the week!

He11y · 13/04/2018 08:11

In my experience, some people are judgemental. Years sago, I was ill and my husband stopped working a few years to look after me and our children. In that time, we were treated dismissively by a dental receptionist and also one of the people who fit glasses at the opticians.

We realised the dental receptionist treated us differently as we could see how she was with other patients but we weren’t as aware of the person in the opticians until we were back in work and she started falling over herself to help us!

It was an eye opener for sure. I actually complained to the practice manager and refused to ever go to her again.

The dental receptionist did the same but, after many occasions watching her over the years, we put her down as a social climber and just laughed about her.

He11y · 13/04/2018 08:11

*Years ago

user1495884620 · 13/04/2018 08:23

I used to work shifts. Often used to get "that look" when I opened the door to a delivery driver / meter reader / random cold caller at 2 in the afternoon in my dressing gown.

Jordan4531 · 13/04/2018 08:27

I felt awful when I was on benefits for a bit when I was single and putting myself through college to get to uni. I constantly felt the need to explain myself to people especially since I was a young mother. Some people are just rude, ignore them and their small minded ignorance. They probably religiously read the Daily Mail and bang on about immigrants if they're that judgemental

Elusiveone · 13/04/2018 09:03

Yep im a carer to my adult dd. Im use to this now but ignore them. Infact unpaid carers save the economy billions each year and i tell them that fact and they shut up.

TeasndToast · 13/04/2018 09:09

After my divorce, before I got a job I was so afraid of the stigma I lied and paid for my prescriptions when I didn’t need too. I also paid for my kids school dinners even though I was eligible for free school meals. I refused those vouchers they give single mums for milk and veg for the baby because in order to claim them I’d have to go to my health visitor and tell her I was now a single parent and I didn’t want to tell her my business. I was also eligible for income support but I couldn’t face taking my children in the job centre and being spoken to like shit by the staff so I didn’t bother. I lived on housing benefit and tax credits until I found a job.

JaceLancs · 13/04/2018 09:12

I was unable to work for many years due to poor health - I only manage to work full time now because I can work totally flexible hours and from home when I need to - still wipes me out some days so I can do little else including cooking cleaning and self care
I claim DLA/PIP which I don’t mention unless I have to as people judge you if you ‘look Well’
When I didn’t work at all I just used to say ‘sadly I’m too ill to work - although I would love to’ and found that shut any judgers up

GoldilocksAndTheThreePears · 13/04/2018 09:42

I've had this. Even had disbelief that I wasn't working from the consultant I'd just spent ages telling the amount of pain I'm in, how difficult it is to stand and how limited the use of my hands is. So you still aren't working yet? Hmm yes find me a job I don't have to shower and get dressed for, don't have to hold or carry anything at all and can lie down because I can't sit for more than 5 mins. I can't even find anything online to do.

Also hate that judgmental look on delivery people's faces when I take ages to maneuver the door open then struggle to sign, in PJs in day time.

Although I am entitled to a disabled badge I've never applied, I just can't face the judgmental looks. Can't drive myself anymore anyway, but would make hospital visits a lot easier.

pinkdelight · 13/04/2018 09:58

I find they're generally surprised that I am paying for it myself. Not that they're making assumptions based on how I look - just that so many people don't that they assume that as standard, certainly for prescriptions. Dunno if it makes a difference that it's London and there is a fair amount of deprivation, but I think with the volumes of people they're seeing, they soon get past any judging (if they ever did) and it's just something they ask and then get on with the job. Sorry if it's different where you are, but there may be an element of overthinking - your inner voice (wrongly but still) judging yourself maybe. There's certainly a lot of judginess in the world that it's hard to avoid.

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