To ask how old is too old to actively seek to get pregnant?

[SerenDippitty]

Science is making it possible (though not easy) for women past natural childbearing age to become pregnant (with donor eggs). Is this a good thing? What age if any should be the cutoff point - 60? The world’s oldest verified mother was nearly 67 when she gave birth to twins, but there is an Indian woman who was an unverified 72 when she had a son.

Where do we draw the line? Isn’t it a bit selfish to seek to have a baby when you know you won’t be around for most of that child’s adult life?

That ‘s a tougher one. I doubt whether someone with a life limiting condition like MS would be allowed to adopt. But as to having a child naturally it would depend on the nature and likely prognosis of the illness.

It's not like there are thousands of women in their 60s having babies I hate this attitude that older mothers are selfish because they won't be around for as much of their kids' lives. You could be hit by a bus or get cancer or have a life-limiting disease - doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed kids.

Even with medical intervention, women almost never fall pregnant beyond their mid 40s. Anything later is so rare that it's hardly worth worrying about. As long as older mothers are given the necessary help to have healthy pregnancies and babies I see no issues.

I think if there is science enabling women to have children I don't see how you can cut off. Naturally menopause does this, but if you let science then it's very difficult. A woman who has a child at 60 could live to 100, a woman who has a child at 20 could die at 21, there's no guarantees. And there's some bloody awful people who are parents, so if a child is well cared for and loved is that not better by an older person than for a child to be neglected by a younger parent. Elton John was late to have his children and they seem very happy privileged children who will be well provided for.
From a physical point of view, I had a child young and had so much energy and tiredness was manageable, I had a child many years later and I'm much more patient but completely exhausted all the time! So I imagine at 60+ it would be very hard work.

There is also the increased risk of disabilities in children born to older mothers. Yes there are very many anecdotes of mothers in their 40's having children with no problems but statistically it is higher.

I guess it is also tied in with the debate over whether it is everyone woman's 'right' to have a child or not.

For age I think let nature decide, it would usually be around late 40's.
You ask where we should draw the line...I see daily on MN women who are parenting with disabilities or with life limiting conditions. I often wonder whether they made a conscious decision to become pregnant or whether the condition resulted after pregnancy. Not that this is any of my business I guess but I do think about it. Would I bring a child into the world knowing I was ill?

I know someone who had their first child at 49 and second at 51 (through fertility treatment with doner eggs) and it certainly otherwise seems to be a normal family set up with her partner and kids and doesn’t appear to make much difference (I don’t know how she feels physically though and the kids are still very young).

Anything after 50 is too old imo. Even 50 is old as many women are menopausal tjen. The spanish lady with the twins actually died when they were very small.

While I sympathise with some women’s desire to have a child in later life I do think it is unfair on the child when it goes to the extremes. My parents were 40 when I was born. They have not been in great health really and I don’t know how many years I’ll have with them that they can enjoy their grandchildren etc. I think I noticed a deterioration from their mid 50s when I was a teenager. They had to give up work early because of ill health and that was financially more challenging with a dependent child. Of course I wouldn’t have denied them a child at 40 but I wish they’d have had me a decade earlier (that was the intention but they struggled) so I could have had more time with them at their best.

I have made a conscious decision to try and be done with babies by 35 because of my experiences with my parents. That is very personal to me (and I’ve been lucky with fertility etc) but obviously wouldn’t be right or possible for lots of people. In terms of a cut-off in general, I think I’d go up to about 45-47. I think the 50 plus territory is selfish whether you’re male or female.