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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder

23 replies

xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:06

This isn't really a AIBU but I know this is a popular topic so thought I'd post here Wink

Here it goes. I went to see a childminder a couple of weeks ago. She seemed like a lovely lady (but why wouldn't she, she wants my custom Hmm) Me and DH both agreed we would have her as a childminder so we got in touch and arranged a meeting to look at contacts etc. She left the contract here with us to read through and sign, she said to let her know once we have signed it and she will come and collect. We signed the paper work and I messaged her to let her know, about 2 weeks ago. A few days after I messaged her I started having doubts and I couldn't get it off my mind!

When we went to see her for the first time she mentioned another childminder who she is very good friends with and they take all the children out together. I thought this was very nice as my DD would get the opportunity to meet a lot of children and make friends. Recently I found the childminder's friend's OFSTED report online so I thought I'd have a look. There was 2 reports that had been made against her, her last report also got a grade 'required improvements'. I tried to find the OFSTED report for the childminder who I 'agreed' to have mind my DD. But I can't find one, there's no report for her and she can't be found on the families information service either. So I don't think she's actually OFSTED registered but she said she was!

So, what I'm asking is. How do I go back on my word and tell her that I don't want to go ahead with her anymore? I don't want to sound awful I just want to somehow get out of this mess without hurting her feels or making her feel like I've led her on.

She texted me about 2 days ago asking when she can collect and I haven't messaged back as I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to use her services anymore. I think the worst part is that I've already told her that the contract is all signed and ready for her to collect Hmm

Help me out? 😁

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 23:09

Why have you changed your mind, rather than ask her for a copy of her OFSTED report?

HagueBlue2018 · 11/04/2018 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitcorner123 · 11/04/2018 23:11

If she claims to be ofsted registered and isn't I don't think you need to worry about hurting her feelings. She has told you a very serious lie.

I would reply to her message asking what her ofsted registration number is as you can't find her online. If she is a legitimate she will be happy to provide you with the info. All decent childminders would expect parents to properly research. If she is dodgy you will know from her response.

You are under no obligation to her and I think(though am not sure) it is illegal to childmind without ofsted registration .

shouldprobablysaynothing · 11/04/2018 23:11

What haven't you asked to see her OFSTED report?

BetterEatCheese · 11/04/2018 23:12

Could it just be that Ofsted haven't visited her yet? I was a childminder for a while before I had a visit

ThisMustBeMyDream · 11/04/2018 23:14

My childminder didn't show on the Ofsted register either.
After some searching, she was divorced and her registration was in her previous name, not her current name. Also, she uses a shortened name (not obviously shortened) which hampered my search for a while.
Anyway, once I located her, all was well. No problems so far!

Original poster
xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:15

She has apparently been a registered childminder since 2003 so she should of had a few reports by now.

Other reasons I've changed my mind is because on her profile it says she's a non-smoker... she smokes! But apparently not around the children Hmm.. my DD would have to nap on the couch which I wouldn't be comfortable with. There's nowhere for the children to play outside - except the driveway which doesn't seem safe to me!

OP posts:
TheBlueDot · 11/04/2018 23:17

I’d respond as Hague has suggested.

Have you got other childrcare options?

Moonflower12 · 11/04/2018 23:18

Day that you are going to use the new tax credits payments so you need her OFSTED number... then search her on the inspection list.

Moonflower12 · 11/04/2018 23:19
  • day
Moonflower12 · 11/04/2018 23:19

Ffs! SAY

Original poster
xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:19

BlueDot I'm currently meeting up with other childminders. I wish I could take DD to a nursery but they don't open early enough! Angry

OP posts:
BackforGood · 11/04/2018 23:21

YOu don't have to worry about "backing out" as it were, if she has lied to you.
Just ask her for her OFSTED number as Fruitcorner says.
The lying about smoking would be a real concern to me too - not only from the fact she is smoking, but from the fact she is lying. (How do you know now that she smokes, when you didn't at the time ??).
I would definitely count a lack of outdoor play space at her home as a real negative, but again, how did you not know this at the time ??

Original poster
xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:22

MoonFlower I'm not bothered about getting her ofsted number now as I'm not going to go ahead with her anyways.

OP posts:
TinWhistleTunes · 11/04/2018 23:25

She should definitely show up on the Ofsted website, and she should also be on the family information service website.

One tactful way to handle this might be to message her back asking for her Ofsted number so that you can inform the tax credit people about your childcare costs.

If she can't give you an Ofsted number, she is deliberately breaking the law and putting children at risk, so you really don't need to worry about hurting her feelings! However, it might be just that she is difficult to find.

TinWhistleTunes · 11/04/2018 23:26

Sorry, cross post. You should go with your instincts. Hope you find a childminder you're really happy with.

Original poster
xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:27

TinWhistleTunes but what if she actually could provide me with her ofsted number, like PP's have said she may be more difficult to find. If she gives me her number then she will think that I want to go ahead iykwim

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/04/2018 23:28

Christ you could have avoided typing that rather large opening post, and just said she lied about smoking so you've changed your mind.

Just message her and tell her you're looking for a non smoker and she doesn't fit that criteria.

Singlebutmarried · 11/04/2018 23:33

Doesn’t the childminder also have a dog that’s torn up the garden, nowhere for the children to nap, and has said she can have your child for about £15/day from really early as you start work at 6am and she’ll drop the child back at six pm?

If so the other thread was an overwhelming don’t do it.

Original poster
xiKGx · 11/04/2018 23:36

SingleButMarried no that's not my thread, I'll try and find it though!

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 11/04/2018 23:36

Also read the other thread, days ago, where you said you weren't going to use her... So don't!

TinWhistleTunes · 11/04/2018 23:40

Maybe you should ask for the number just to satisfy your curiosity... you can always still change your mind and say you got cold feet. She's running a business, she can't afford to be offended. You win some, you lose some...

Maybe I should not be officious but, if she really is operating with being registered, she ought to be reported. It means she probably hasn't got training in first aid and safeguarding, and won't have had the right safety checks in her home, she certainly won't have public liability insurance and so on. She probably won't be following the EYFS and probably hasn't been trained in child development, dealing with additional needs etc. It's a pretty serious offence to not be registered, and if she has a friend who is registered then she ought to know this.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 11/04/2018 23:50

Just send a simple text ‘Sorry, but we have had a change of heart and for personal reasons we won’t be going ahead with the contract’.

Vague but informative. If she asks why, just reiterate it’s for personal reasons.

Job done.

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