Stopping breastfeeding cold turkey

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Posting for traffic aibu to think I can do this without totally traumatising my dd? She's 2 (birthday last week) totally boob obsessed eats drinks well enough but every opportunity she is on me pulling my top off. She goes to nursery one day a week and another day with my mum and is fine but all through the night she wants to feed. I'm exhausted and actually can't stand bf anymore. I'm a single mum so no dp to hand over to in the night. We're going on holiday next week for a week with my mother(who she does settle for by settle I mean stop crying not go back to sleep . My mother is 65 and I feel bad about her being up all hours with my child but this has to stop and this will be my best chance. So any tips or advice will be very gratefully received

She's old enough for you to talk to now, tell her 'Mummy doesnt have any milk now, its all gone' then distract her as best you can from now on.

We stopped night feeds by going cold turkey. Advice I got is that it’s actually the kindest way because you’re consistent, so if you completely stop feeding at night they understand more quickly that they won’t get milk and will stop crying and hoping for it. Whereas if you cut down gradually or keep one or two night feeds they won’t understand why they can have it sometimes and not others, so will keep crying and hoping for it.

However I would continue offering milk at other times (eg morning and evening) rather than cutting out all breastfeeding, I think that would be a bit cruel and you could possibly get engorged and be uncomfortable as well.

Have you tried a dummy? Also a bottle (I know she is too old really and its not great advice, but if you are at the end of your tether and tired)

Thank you for your responses. She has a dummy but If I give it to her in the middle of the nights she throws it across the room same with explaining 'no more milk'. All well and good in the day time I can easily distract her if I put the effort in but it's the damn nights!! if we are completely out of routine by her waking all hours and needing to be settled by my mother we will get back to a normal pattern when home yes? It will take a few days? Sorry waffling think I'm going quietly mad!

Sorry we also co sleep which I don't mind but do you think that needs to be stopped? I was thinking of putting her toddler bed up in my room for when we come back from hols so we aren't going in to the same old bed. Bed is a huge trigger for my dd the minute I sit on it day or night she wants a feed

I stopped night feeds cold turkey. It was a struggle initially. DS is just a bit older than yours. Then I start limiting day time feeding. I went down to 3 feeds a day for a week, then 2, now 1. He lives for this one feed so it will be hard to cut it out.
It depends on the child, whether or not you can go cold turkey. Weaning for us has not been easy and DS would have been traumatised if I immediately cut off the milk.

I did this with my 2 yr old recently. She was dreadful at night! Worse than newborn. I said no and offered a cuddle but no boob through the night. It took a few nights but she was happy with a cuddle. My milk then dried up and she tried to feed at bedtime but it just wasn't working. It's been a month and she's sleeping so much better she still sometimes asks for it if she's very tired or sad, but it's less and less and she's soothed with a big huggy 🤗 it's so hard but you know when enough is enough.

You can continue to co-sleep but you need to wear a sports bra or similar so that your boobs are totally encased and she can’t sleepily latch on in the night when you are asleep.

I breastfed my youngest till about 20 months, but by that age it was only at night and to get dd off to sleep.
It might be that your dd waking up has just become a habit and so not really waking up for to be fed. A phase that might not last much longer?, hopefully

Just be careful you don’t end up with mastitis on holiday. You might need to express for relief a few times. Two years is amazing. Well done.

Yes I do think it would be totally traumatic if we stopped completely and night feeds are definitely our worst point! Tbh I do t think I have much milk anyway-my dd seems to suck at one nipple for 20-30 seconds then on to the next then back again over and over. Anyone else experience this? I think this also adds to my irritation for want of a better word if it was just one breast I could lie there asleep!

There's an online facebook group called breastfeeding older babies and beyond. They have a pinned post with lots of guidance on gentle weaning. Dr Jack Newman did a method which many have used successfully, Emma Pickett has also written an article called weaning toddler Bob which you may find helpful. My own experience involved getting my partner to share night duty so she got less used to 24/7 availability. I'd also limit feeds timings wise and say 'just a little bit then it's time to go to sleep'. Over time she gradually woke up less and less. She still comes into my bed to cosleep at some point in the night but wakes up just that once and has recently stopped asking for milk then. Id say go as gradually as you can with little changes but it's fine for your mum to help and it's fine for you to stop if you want to.

I don’t know how you stand it! I think at 2 she gets it when you say no. Wear a bra and offer cuddles and a sip of water. She can’t be hungry and it must be a comfort thing so offer her comfort in other ways

I finished feeding dd at 2.4 years when I was 7 months pregnant and sick to death of it. We went on holiday for a week and the change in routine and late nights meant she actually didn’t ask to feed all week (previously had been every night) and then we got home, first night back she asked for a feed and I said ‘no darling not tonight how about we sing some songs instead?’ She never asked again and we stopped in the most trauma free way possible, I couldn’t believe it! Is a change of routine possible?

I went cold turkey with both of my children. You might have a rough couple of nights but it will be just fine, I promise. Whatever you do, do NOT give in. Not even once for just a few minutes. You'll be so happy when you're done with this.

Just seen you are going on holiday! Here is your chance, later nights and change of routine may make it easier

could you try putting plasters on your nipples and telling her your boobs are hurt/broken?

I had to go cold turkey on my dd, she was 20 months old. I was ill and prescribed antibiotics that I was TOLD by the doctor are not to be taken while breastfeeding. So was forced into but it was the best way. It took about 3 long hard nights (and I smeared my boobs with some white vinegar, the taste made her jump back) but after that she sleeps so much better and we haven't looked back since!

Thank you everyone! She certainly knows what no means she just cries hysterically and I give in! I hope she is now big enough not to be completely traumatised! Shall have to leave all night duties to my poor dm

I am right with you. Just gone cold turkey with my nearly 2 year old. Took a while and he screamed horrifically for half an hour then accepted a cuddle and fell asleep. Its just tiring me out so had to do it. Im hoping it wont take long for him to forget 😴😢 although i do feel awful. Good Luck !

Lulu I have some white vinegar I shall have to try that! As I said I think my supply is low now and it's mainly comfort or more accurately even habit. Praying the change of environment helps enormously.

I don't think putting vinegar on your breasts is a kind way to end your breastfeeding journey, I would hate something which gives so much comfort to be tainted.

I never said 'no' just not now, or later, which seemed easier for DD. Keep covered up too, high neck tops. Easier for me too as there never was a 'last feed'. We'd gone past 2 yrs too and I needed to stop.
About a month after we'd stopped, DD was poorly and asked to feed, I said I thought the milk was all gone but she was so sad, so we snuggled and she latched on, it was nice to have the closeness, but she didn't ask again and seemed content that was now over.

Holiday is a great opportunity. I BF my cosleeping DS til 20 months when I had to go on a business trip. My husband slept with him while I was away and when I got back he was weaned, went to sleep with a cuddle and started sleeping through miraculously which he'd never down before. Could your mum cosleep for a couple of nights while you're on holiday?

Breastfeed and co sleeo here. 22mo. We sucessfully night weaned a few weeks ago. Never though I would say that. Did Jay Gordon methos to some extent. Used to feed to sleep around 9pm, 11, 1 3 etc. Cut out after 11 first. Was not easy and some long nights. The 11pm.was tough too but not quite as bad. The feed to sleep turned out to be the easiest. He has a big bowl of porridge before bed then gets his teeth brushed. Water only. Usually wakes at 5.30 for feed and have to keep him up as he is not allowed feed to sleep due to dental problems. I would not recommend cold turkey or doing it when going away. My lb is sleeping 7 to 9 hrs now!