To Tell Fil to Back off re 11+?

[Alpacinoshoohaa]

Dh suffered with self esteem issues and depression, he said Pils always tried to push him at school, he never felt good enough.
Pils are wealthy, materialistic and very pushy, fil is very pushy.

I mentioned dd was doing really well in school and he was asking questions like % and have we got her tested.

Their friends talk to their dc in multiple languages during lunch and have tutored their dc to to the hilt for the 11+. They are very pushy and pils worship them.
We are putting DD in for it - but in a casual way, we have told her this, we have an extremely good local school, however the grammar is slightly preferred, we like the school, teachers and atmosphere as did DD. We dont have the ££ to tutor her to death, she may get some in the summer, on exam technique, and last min stuff.

I almost hope she does fail and our lives with be far easier with her at the local school.
Last time I saw Pils - fil had me locked in conversation for ages about dd her aptitude etc..he is very competitive and today he saw dd and was asking her about school and 11+.

I want to talk to him to ask him to back off and be quite clear why. i e self esteem - pressure on our children...its not OUR WAY we dont want to pressure her. I dont want him to mention it to her or anything to do with education. He has tried to undermine us - put our choice of school down, they are feckin nightmares....Mil is in a constant state of misery because we cant afford things like they could for dh and his sister...
It astonishes me after DH problems that he even mentions this sort of stuff to me or dd! One would think some humility etc would come into play but I think they lack total self awareness. So I want to be clear or should I just ignore it and DD will be fine?

Your approach sounds reasonable OP. My PILs were also very pushy parents, and their golden boy (DH) was their pride & joy as he came top of everything he ever did. I can't stand it when they probe our kids progress. Our eldest is on track for a really good RG uni...but they wanted to know why we hadn't considered oxbridge like other family members. Our youngest is particularly bright, and the questions they ask are ridiculous. I specifically told DH not to discuss her school progress in conversation..because you can almost sense a narcissistic edge to MILs pride....her GC could be nothing but the best, as they stem from her. Good luck to your daughter. Hope she does well!

Mum 2twotoo yy

I get told this all the time, why dd is good at x y z. Mil tried to claim reading a book to youngest is key to her progress (much younger). Is This sign of narracisitic then bringing everything back to them?
But Mil doesn't say a word when I have reported on PE. Which has been rare.
In fact she almost gets bad tempered esp when I mention her dad reading prowess and fil looks confused and says, 'oh that's odd I was never a big reader

I think before you next see them you and DH should tell PIL that you don't want them to discuss her 11 plus with her as you don't eant her to feel any pressure. Then if they do they will have gone against your wishes and you will be able justifiably have a much firmer chat.

We don't have the 11 plus where I live and frankly I am grateful considering some of the responses on here. You sounds like you are doing a fine job of being laid back about it for your DD. The fact that people spend fortunes on tutors is just evidence that the grammar school system is unfairly biased towards those on higher incomes.

Thanks fruit. They already go agaisnt wishes all the time which is why I was thinking of stiff chat now.