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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be scared of moving Norwich as a same sex family

72 replies

Worriedmover · 11/04/2018 13:45

I know I probably am being unreasonable but I'm really scared about moving from Brighton to Norwich as a same sex family. Here there are visible same sex families everywhere, for example, we already know of 3 families who will have children in the same class as ours if we stayed here. We are moving to Norwich to be nearer my brother who has lost his wife so we can support him and the children. I really do like Norwich, it's a great place but is it gay friendly? Will there be other same sex families in the school (recreation road) or will we be the only ones? Guess I'm looking for some input so I can be reassured or prepared! We will be fine, I know that, it would just be nice not to be the only ones. Thanks in advance for any replies!

OP posts:

RatRolyPoly · 13/04/2018 10:11

Ooh, ooh, can we help?? I love house shopping for other people in my fine city!

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 13/04/2018 10:15

I honestly think the bigger deal you make of this the bigger deal it will become. If you move, set out to make friends, don't make your sexuality the be all and end all of life you'll be fine. Norwich is a university town.

Dozer · 13/04/2018 10:17

maccaroni · 13/04/2018 10:44

You really don't need to worry, my kids have been through that school and the junior school and high school it feeds into. Same sex families are not unusual or even really noticed as being anything different, especially not by the children as they've grown up like this with different versions of families - single parents - through both widowhood or divorce/separation, two dads, two mums, mum and a dad and every other variation of family you can think of really. All my kids have been in classes with children from same sex families at various points in their education and its just a total non issue here in this part of the city especially. I think you'll feel very welcome here and find everyone really friendly.

coolwalking · 13/04/2018 10:48

You don't have to be friends with only LGBT people OP! We are a same sex couple - no other kids in my daughters class have same sex parents. Couldn't care less.
No one cares - everyone just gets on with playdates, after school clubs etc. We don't do rainbow parenting or LGBT groups as it feels like self segregating. We're just average people! We actually moved out of Brighton too as it was too liberal for us.
If you're friendly and happy people then you will make new friends and it will help your kids settle down easily too. Who cares if you're the only same sex couple? Make yourselves different and special and that's how you'll be treated. Good luck with the move

moreDetails · 13/04/2018 11:14

I think that Dairy is talking about the general behaviour of people who live in Brighton as opposed to gay families in particular.

"song and dance and look at me behaviour"

I found it was constant and ended up leaving Brighton after 6 months and commuting from Hackney instead.

Whilst you're probably more likely to be a less typical or common family in Norwich, it doesn't mean that anyone cares.

I've found (straight but uncommon family set up) that people away from Brighton and London care less and judge you on your worth as opposed to how cool or unique you are. Don't be 'a gay couple'. Be a nice, friendly, pleasant couple and you'll do fine.

Ps4hell · 13/04/2018 11:16

I live in Manchester (huge gay scene) and I'm the only gay parent at school. Doesn't bother me though.

Dozer · 13/04/2018 11:41

OP hasn’t said she only wants to be friends with LGBT people! She just wishes to meet other gay parents and is conscious of being in a minority. Why the need to knock that?

Also why the need to criticise LGBT people, in Brighton or anywhere, for doing things or behaving in ways you don’t personally behave or don’t like? Seems judgmental.

pinkhorse · 13/04/2018 11:47

My best friend is a teacher in that school op. I think you'll be fine here

LuxembergerQueen92 · 13/04/2018 12:10

Norwich is a fine, fine city. My daughter has lived there for 4 years since leaving uni and has several gay friends. DH and I visit about 5 times a year and last year watched and cheered the pride march..was a great atmosphere...you'll be fine.

coolwalking · 13/04/2018 12:34

Just trying to offer the OP friendly advice against joining LGBT Rainbow Parenting groups that has been advised by pp as to me that is self segregating. The whole point of having equality is to use it to be just that - equals. Like another pp said the more of big deal you make out of it then the more of a big deal it becomes.

dinosaursandtea · 13/04/2018 12:38

OP, don’t be put off by other posters or made to feel like you’re ‘making a big deal of things’ or ‘self segregating’. It’s OK to want to find your community and families that look like yours! I think a lot of straight people don’t get it....

crunchymint · 13/04/2018 12:46

FFS you would think from some comments on here that there is no anti lesbian issues anywhere in the country - unless you make a big deal of it or flaunt it of course. In reality some people are still anti lesbian and of course the OP wants to protect her kids from that.

coolwalking · 13/04/2018 12:47

@dinosaursandtea I'm gay! So I get it! But this is a wonderful opportunity to become part of a community that everyone can belong and not restricted by sexuality. No family is the same. Sounds like the OP will be moving to a great city and I wish her and her family all the best.

chocatoo · 13/04/2018 12:52

Why not see if your brother could come to you? A fresh start.

BumpowderSneezeonAndSnot · 13/04/2018 12:54

Generally speaking people don't like "look at me im special" attention seekers. They're more tolerant and accepting of you just are. If you go in "look at me im gay behold my rainbow of wonder" you'll rub people up the wrong way if you go in "hi I'm worriedmover these are my kids this is my wife" you'll be fine.

dinosaursandtea · 13/04/2018 13:02

For a lot of people those two are the same thing.

crunchymint · 13/04/2018 13:03

Yes I am wondering what people mean when they say look at me?

FairyDogMother11 · 13/04/2018 13:21

I went to uni in Norwich, love the city, there's plenty of culture and I met so many lovely people! See people holding hands, kissing, everyone is too busy going about their business to notice really. I live in a much smaller town down the coast and there are quite a few same sex couples with their children here, so I would think there would be even more in Norwich good luck with the move

Hillarious · 13/04/2018 13:36

My worry is that we will be the only same sex family and that my children will not see their family unit represented at school / in the area. Surely all parents want their children to feel they fit in?!

We have friends who are a lesbian couple with three teenage children now, and we're not in London or Brighton. We've known them since before the children were born and their kids are friends with ours. They've always been the only same sex family at nursery, primary and secondary school, but their sexuality isn't an issue for anyone, least of all the kids as they've grown up. They fit in with all the other families because they're a family unit too.

There was only ever one issue when they were invited by a mutual friend for dinner, where the husband complained about having to cook for vegetarians.

crunchymint · 13/04/2018 13:58

Maybe people can let same sex families speak for themselves and not tell someone how they should feel when they have never been in that situation themselves?

Dancingleopard · 13/04/2018 14:01

Good luck op !!

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