I've NC, I'm feeling really lonely at the moment and really down. Sorry if this is long...I seem to have fallen out with everyone apart from my DH but I feel like it's only a matter of time before he gets fed up!
I have two female friends from school who have always been closer than I am to them...it's never been a problem till recently one of them is very successful (and I have supported that at every level and still do) the other works from home again very successful and again supported that and still do! I am not successful I have had dead end job after dead end job...I am trying my hardest not to give up and eventually find something that brings me joy and motivation to get up in the mornings and go to!
I have been through a very tough time at work and decided to quit...the job before this one again I had a tough time...I have been bullied severely in both jobs and it's really knocked me!! There's days I don't leave the house and when I do I get all panicky and come straight back.
Both friends have contacted me and asked if I'm ok...when I broke down and told them the truth including things what's happened with my mum recently (we have a very strained relationship had a rubbish childhood and only learned to forgive her about ten years ago my husband played a big part in trying to heal us but she's started up her games again) friend 1 turned round and said stop exaggerating, I don't believe you! She has said this more than once and I have no idea where it's come from or why she's saying it...I had a go at friend 1 as it really upset me we have worked in the same field before but in different parts of the country and she knows exactly what the job can be like particularly with the bullying as she's been through it herself...friend 2 was like why do you think this keeps happening why have you fallen out with so many people? I felt as though she was saying it was my fault! She probably wasn't but it really felt like she was...I know friend 1 and 2 talk all the time and can get quite bitchy about people sometimes they don't realise how nasty they sound until someone says something.
I've cut toxic people out of my life and for a while things have been great until my work situation...I just feel so alone...DH doesn't really get it as he's great at shrugging stuff off, ignoring stuff whilst I really take it to heart...I've tried not to but can't help it.
I was looking at counselling but at £60+ for 50 mins we just can't afford it just don't know what else to do.
I have other friends who I hear from once in a while as they're so busy but just want someone I can really talk to and cry it out...without feeling judged or making me feel worse.