I have nc for this
I have a sister who has down' s syndrome. She is in her mid 30s. She still lives with my mother who is in her early 70s. My sister has never been taught to look after herself. She cannot even run herself a bath let alone cook or clean. I am aware that many people who have DS are more than capable of a higher level of independence and I do believe that my sister has never been given this chance as she has had everything done for her.
My mother smokes (in the house) and has a very unhealthy lifestyle. This also means that my sister has a very unhealthy lifestyle too. They don't exercise, their diet is terrible and my sister doesn't even go for regular dentist check ups. She was born with heart problems and gets asked to attend medicals every year to check on her health. Sometimes, my mother will just leave if she feels she has been waiting too long and takes my sister with her.
My sister rarely gets to socialise with other people. She couldn't go out without my mother anyway but she spends pretty much all day in her bedroom with her curtains drawn watching tv. It shows when we try to speak to her - she will often look at my mother to answer for her. She did used to go to a centre every day for adults with disabilities but thanks to funding cuts this stopped a couple of years ago.
Both myself and my other sister have tried to talk to my mother several times about this but it always ends the same way - with my mother in tears unwilling to have a proper conversation about it. Recently, my sister had her PIP increased thanks to the new mobility portion payment of the payment and I suggested to my mother that she use that money to take my sister out more and get her involved in more activities etc but she hasn't listened to me. We can't even invite my sister out without my mother as she gets incredibly offended and gets upset with us.
Now I know my mother wont be around forever. My father lives on another continent and has all but washed his hands of the issue. I am scared for what will happen when my mother does eventually pass away. My other sister and I have both said that the sale of my mother's house could pay for her care but I don't even know exactly what sort of care would be available to her. And it transpires that my mother hasn't even written a will. And who knows if my mother may end up needing that sort of care herself one day and need to sell her house for that reason!
I am the youngest sibling myself and over the years we have tried to address this issue many time but to no avail. I'm really not sure exactly what to do next!