DSS blanking DH all of a sudden

[Joker2Thief]

DSS is 22. Up until recently weekly access arrangements were still in place, I always thought it was a bit not quite right that a man in his 20s was arriving with a backpack every weekend after being picked up by his dad but I never said anything and within the last year DSS started missing weekends here and there and now, we've not seen him since Christmas. I think this is normal considering his age but DH is really upset about it.

What's making it worse is that DSS now appears to be blanking DH completely. The last we heard from him was a reply to DH on Facebook where he says he'd failed his driving test. DH (rather awkwardly IMO) immediately set up a family Facebook group where he announced that DSS had failed his test and urged everyone to send positive thoughts for the next one. If I had been DSS I would have felt humiliated and irritated by this and I'm wondering if that is what the problem is. Since then DH has sent numerous messages:

Hi son, how's it going?
Hi son, how did the job interview go?
Hi son, did you book your next driving test?
Hi son, watch this funny video!
Hi son, what are you Upto?
Hi son, do you fancy going to cinema at weekend?
Hi son, hope you're ok, I'm missing you

Etc etc

All of these messages have been seen by DSS over the past few weeks and totally ignored. DH has always bent over backwards to keep this lad happy and I know it's doing his head in that he's now ignoring him.

AIBU to think DH himself might actually be the problem here? Unintentionally of course.

That does sound strange, infact cannot be right that access arrangements were still in place when his son is in his 20's? It does sound as if your DH has gone about it the wrong way in his offering of support, so yes he possibly had the best of intentions but has gone about it the wrong way in showing his support. Hopefully it will resolve itself in time.

My DF can be a bit clingy like this, I make an effort to see him weekly because i know it's just because hes lonely and misses me.
It can be intense though and in the past it resulted in us not talking for a few years.
Tell your DH to back off for a little bit. Then give him a ring and try to organise a regular date maybe once or twice a month. And maybe go to a pub or restaurant instead of a home visit? Try to connect with what his sons interests are now

I’d be so hurt and upset if my dad told everyone I had failed my driving test. I think he needs to apologise and back off a bit.

How was their relationship when DSS used to come at weekends? Did they get on well?

DH has always treated him like a child, running around fetching drinks for him etc while he was here. The lad has very limited interests and doesn't socialise, lives his mum and works voluntarily. The last we heard from him was when DH announced to everyone that he'd failed his driving test. I know he meant well but I cringed when I saw it. He's not been in touch since.

They get on well but as I say, DH treats him like a child so it's very much a son and parent relationship which I think DSS is starting to outgrow.

I think he needs to send his son a heartfelt apology for that crass Facebook post. Poor fella must have been scundered. He could say that he’s been thinking about it and realised, although he meant well, that it was a silly thing to do and he’s sorry if he embarrassed him. It does sound as if he is sulking over this.

I can't understand what he was thinking. I know he was trying to gather a support network for DSS but it literally opened with "DS has failed his driving test" - DSS was added to the group but never acknowledged it or posted on it. DH is so sensitive if I mentioned that could be the cause of the sulking he'll go off on one but surely deep down he must be thinking the same?

DH is so sensitive if I mentioned that could be the cause of the sulking he'll go off on one but surely deep down he must be thinking the same?

So he’s sensitive, but doesn’t think about how sensitive his son would have felt after that Facebook nonsense? If he can’t face up to his mistakes, then I can understand his son’s feelings tbh.