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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband and I working opposite shifts

18 replies

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:37

Husband I I work opposite shifts. When I’m working he’s off to look after the kids, when he’s working I’m off. This works us, however, it means that we get barely a day off

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/04/2018 18:38

Did you press post too soon?

Original poster

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:40

Oops I hadn’t finished that post then. Lol. Basically wondering how others manage when they don’t get any days off with their oh? For the next 6 weeks we don’t have a day off together. It sucks 🙁

OP posts:

Donthate · 10/04/2018 18:42

Is that including weekends? That’s tough. Hopefully someone will come along with advice.

ElspethFlashman · 10/04/2018 18:42

We have the same routine. We try to be grateful to have two jobs that are flexible enough so that one of us can be home at all times.......but fuck its hard.

Bambamber · 10/04/2018 18:44

My husband and I worked similar before we had a baby. It was difficult, but we just worked through it. We just made the most of the snippets of time we were both at home, even though the only time we really saw each other was when the other was getting ready for work. We messaged a lot when we could and leave notes in each other's lunch boxes

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/04/2018 18:45

That sounds really tough OP. What happens after 6 weeks?

Original poster

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:45

I love that idea of little notes in lunch boxes. That’s lovely 💕

OP posts:

Original poster

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:49

Basically I am part time and oh is full time but works shift work. He’s been nights over the Easter holidays and we’ve only had one day off in two weeks as a family. It’s hard and we end up fighting when we do see each other as we are both so tired.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:49

Donhate- yes including weekends

OP posts:

Original poster

user1498912461 · 10/04/2018 18:50

Greatduck- not sure what happens after 6 weeks as oh will get his new rota

OP posts:

redexpat · 10/04/2018 19:17

Keep the focus on the positives. Ask each other everyday
What was the best part of your day
What have i done that made you feel appreciated
Is there anything practical we need to talk about

1moreRep · 10/04/2018 19:19

the father of my children and i did this for years and it basically killed the relationship, i would advise to make time for each other as much as possible and nurture your relationship

mouse26 · 10/04/2018 19:27

Me and dp are the same. He works nights 6 nights a week, i only work Monday to Friday but as he does Friday and Saturday nights we only really get Sunday evenings together. We just remind ourselves that it's our one night and make the most of it. I'm not saying we don't have days when one or both of us isn't exhausted and irritable, but we've done this for 13 years and we're just used to it now

CombineBananaFister · 10/04/2018 19:31

Same situation here and it is incredibly hard but we just try and look at the positives. DS is lucky enough to always have one of us around (useful as he has a long term health condition) No childcare fees and no stress if the DS are ill trying to scrabble together childcare.
For ourselves we try not to take our holiday entitlement in weeks but in chunks of 3 or 4 days so that it isn't as long as gap between when we get to see each other iyswim. So 28 days broken down into 9 mini hols
We also leave each stupid film quote post it's or buy tickets to the cinema for the other person to watch on their days or buy a nice lunch/breakfast for the other one and put it in the fridge. So even though you're not off together you're still connecting.

ToastyFingers · 10/04/2018 20:04

That sounds really difficult, sorry op. DH and I worked opposite shifts but before we had kids, so we'd stay up late/get up early even though it left us knackered. You say the not-on-shift person is at home with the kids, is there much crossover between you finishing and the other starting? Can one of you work through your lunch and leave a little early, just to get an extra hour together?

Aside from that, we used to leave each other notes, DH would make me food and leave it out ready for when I got home after a shift and I'd do the same for him.

blueberrybubblegum · 10/04/2018 20:38

My husband and I also work opposite shifts. We also don’t get days off together because of our shift patterns. We have done this for years and are kind of used to it but we focus on what we want in life and know we are working towards it being very different in the future. We just try and make the most of annual leave or the times during the day when I’m off and he’s in work later on or when he’s on a day off and spend time together when I’m back in from work. It is hard but we’re used to it a little and we know it won’t always be this way..... hopefully anyway

splendide · 10/04/2018 20:41

We have evenings together as we both work days but we very rarely have a day off together. It is annoying but pretty unavoidable at the moment.

When DS starts school (still 18 months to go) then DH will be able to work Monday to Friday and we’ll have weekends together again.

Redinthefacegirl · 10/04/2018 20:51

Us too! We work opposite 12.5 hr shifts. Not needing childcare is great but it is exhausting.

We make it bearable buy both being slightly part time, if we weren't we would have 1 day off in a 28 day rota together (& organising rotas would be hellish).

Weekends can be lonely but random weekdays off together can be bliss.

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