That I’ve come off Facebook and then everyone forgot my birthday

[MedicinalGin]

It was my birthday 9 days ago- my husband remembered and baked me a cake which was really lovely. But none of my friends got in touch except for one who has a special diary just for writing down people’s birthdays.
I’m such a loser and keep checking my phone and the letterbox every day in case people have sent something, but it’s time to give up now isn’t it. AIBU to feel sad that people only thought of me because they were prompted to by a social media utility?

Do you know all of their birthdays?

People do rely too much on Facebook, I suppose - for those of my friends who don’t, I have a note in the calendar. Both paper and phone. The notification is four days in advance if it’s someone who I send a card to. Maybe people aren’t very organised or rely too much on Facebook.

Did you get any texts or calls from other family members?

I don't remember friends birthdays, only family. It's the FB thing of a million birthday wishes which is false. Adults don't do that in real life.

OP,
Yes time to give up.
Your DH sounds great and very thoughtful.

Happy belated birthday.

Did you mention to any of your friends that your birthday coming up? Surely you dont expect everyone to keep everyones birthday in their head? I'll admit it, I my know my friends birthdays by heart. If I want my friends to remember mine, I remind them. It's quite simple.

I actually do remember other people’s birthdays for the most part- I’m such a people pleaser that I fanny about sending cards and presents for stuff all the bloody time. It’s mostly my close friends I’m sad about - I’ve known them for over twenty years. I suppose life gets in the way and stuff and it’s only a birthday- I’m not completely devastated and am realistic about things (am just being a bit childish and self-indulgent). I think my Facebook removal does illustrate a wider point though, in that it can make you feel quite connected to people but in reality, you’re not really. Sorry for the pity post!

That's one of the reasons I love FB, because it is my birthday calendar. I'd really struggle to remember the old fashioned way now. To be fair, I don't really expect many cards these days either, as most people do FB or online posts.

I don't think you are a loser though - maybe just a bit unrealistic. Happy belated birthday.

Thank you, Latte

This is one of the reasons I gave it up. The fact that I had 34 messages wishing me happy birthday from people who had to make no effort/I went to school with or I barely knew. So odd. And then being frankly disappointed by even most of my family forgetting of not realising. (A text would've been fine! I don't expect flowers and gifts!)

I really have so much to be thankful for- I’ve had my moment of pity so I’m going to park it for now.

On the topic of Facebook, though, it’s great having quit it- I can’t believe I spent so much time watching cat videos and scrolling past crap on local selling sites.

I am the other way round!
I came off Facebook and have realised I relied on it far too much!
My closest friend was talking to me about her bday. I know what month it is but the actual date escapes me. I know its one of 2 dates...these dates are 12 days apart. She did tell me, I forgot again!
A year on, her bday is coming up and I have no idea which of the 2 dates it is. I am scared to ask her, just cos she will laugh at how crap I am.
I need to start writing it on my calendar!
I have no idea of any of my friends bdays. Their kids, I know all of their dates! They are not on Facebook, I obviously subconsciously remembered their bdays as I had no reminders.

I don't remeber birthdays (apart from close family) unless they're on Facebook or mention it - i sometimes know the month but never the date. I used to, then Facebook remebered it for me, like my phone remembers phone numbers - i used to know all my friends numbers off the top of my head.
Happy birthday - it doesnt mean they don't care, just that knowone remembers birthdays anymore.

I understand it might be upsetting if you’re a birthday rememberer and a card sender, but the fact of the matter is, most people aren’t!

Don’t take it personally

Yes I’ve noticed this too. I have Facebook set up not to remind anyone about my birthday.

The year we all turned 40 all my friends had long lists of friends wishing them happy birthday on FB. I didn’t purely because of the lack of a prompt.

It didn’t bother me because my close friends and family texted/sent cards etc and that’s more important to me than Facebook messages but it did highlight (to me) how invalid “Facebook life” can be.

People receiving loads of happy birthday messages feel good because they feel like people like and remember them. But in reality the vast majority of those people wouldn’t have given them a second thought without a prompt.

Yep, same here.My bday was last week, nothing from my dad or my brother, even my "boyfriend" forgot, although that wasn't down to facebook, more to down to him being a tit. But, i have to say, my closes friends remembered as did my Dsis so most of the people who forgot I'm not too fussed about.

Don't take it personally, I think things such as facebook just make things easier to remember so we don't invest in writing such stuff down anymore.

It was my birthday this week and only two friends wished me a happy birthday. (I'm on fb but my birthday isn't). A bit disappointed as I send cards to more people than that! Oh well.

I actually find it a bit irritating when it's my birthday and a ton of people post on my Facebook, "Happy Birthday Dahlietta!" as if they might otherwise have cared!

It’s easy enough to change your settings so your birthday is private Dahlietta

I think my Facebook removal does illustrate a wider point though, in that it can make you feel quite connected to people but in reality, you’re not really

But you are. You are now less connected to people than you were when you used FB. That is literally what you are finding out.

I am on FB but my birthday isn't up there. I don't mind that people don't remember - I wouldn't remember theirs either if FB didn't remind me. I give my close friends a heads up in advance in order to organise an outing, so they all know when it is and they send me cards/presents. Why don't you do that OP? At least give them a chance! If you remind them and they don't remember, then you can get a bit annoyed! I always appreciate it when friends remind me of their birthdays :)

You really shouldn't have your birthday on FB anyway, it's a data security risk (misses the point).

My DH and his family, and DC always remember, and DSis/DB, 2 of my friends, but that's it. No one else knows my birthday. My parents obviously know but do seem to forget sometimes.

That's true, PinkCalluna, but deep inside I know that it will then be revealed that nobody, not even my mother, knows when my birthday actually is , so I have to stick with Dave I did my PGCE with many moons ago wishing me a heartfelt happy birthday!

I invited a few friends round for my last birthday - thought it would be nice to see them and share cake etc. They all turned up with a card and present which I hadn't expected at all. It was a lovely evening all round! Leaving fb is very clarifying - you find out who your real friends are but, you might have to remind them and take more initiative than previously. Why not organise a birthday get together?