Hi all,
I'm a FTM, my baby girl is 11 weeks old. I'm currently on maternity leave. My partner and I have basic jobs and are not high earners, we live in a small rented house and have a cat and a dog. We are happy, but poor.
Recently I've felt more and more like I'm the one with all the responsibility and everything on my shoulders and its driving me mad. I feel like I could cry at any given moment and the smallest things are setting me off (like a cushion zip breaking!) I'm also knackered and in constant pain with a bad back thats only getting worse.
My partner works for his mums company - which is about to go under due to lack of money coming in. He's been working for his mum for about 6 years although this was originally meant to help him out for a few months until he found a job, he just never did. Before that he only ever worked at supermarkets. As his job is dying there is literally nothing for him to do all day, he sits in his office on facebook for 90% of the day. Now its obviously the time for him to find a job himself but he acts defeated before he even starts looking. He also keeps putting it off - saying he'll start looking after his birthday or after some other event. Now he says he wants me to help him with his CV. I don't really get why he can't do it himself in an afternoon and crack on with applying. It has to be this big event that he is -now- applying for jobs.
To be fair to him he is very hands on with the baby and we are roughly 50/50 when he is home but a lot of the time I feel terrible guilt for doing things for myself like going for a bath, or I have to say 'Will you watch the baby while I...' and he will respond 'Ok then' in an exasperated way. We take it in turns to get up at night but he's started struggling with getting the baby back to sleep so sometimes I have to step in, now I feel like he gives up on purpose so I have to take over and he can go back to sleep.
We have a dog as I mentioned, its my job to walk her everyday and sometimes I'm just not able to - my back is really very painful and sometimes if its raining its not practical with the baby in a sling (can't take the pushchair as dog is quite pully) so when I don't walk her I ask my partner to, he will sometimes act as though this is the biggest chore in the world. When I don't walk the dog he guilt trips me and says she 'looks sad' or 'depressed' but then he says he can't do it because he's been at work all day.
My partner urges me to go out and be sociable with the baby as much as possible, going to clubs and groups and things. When he saw me texting someone to say I couldn't meet up he had a go at me - said it would have been good for me and the baby to get out etc. but I am knackered and I have enough to do at home! he doesn't seem to get this.
Another thing is sex, he mentions it a lot and says he worries we are becoming less close (no, I'm just knackered!) he is disappointed that we only do it once a week.
So basically I feel like I'm trying to balance caring for an 11 week old, a needy dog, getting by on low finances, getting by with terrible back pain and depression, being sociable, keeping my husband close and helping him find a job. Theres no time for looking after myself at all and if I make time for it I feel guilty.
I'm not sure how to address this - I love him and he's a brilliant dad but I think he's a little blind to my needs atm.