AIBU to ask how long you would wait?

[Twickerhun]

A friend is supposed to be coming round to my house today. She wanted to meet up to talk about her latest relationship issue. She chose the time to meet. She’s late. I’ve got a fractious toddler who needs a nap, I also have stuff I need to do later, so I can’t afird to delay things too far. If I take him upstairs to nap I won’t here the front door. How long do I wait before carrying on with my day?

Text her and ask when she is coming?

Can you not stick a note on the door saying “just getting x to sleep will be down in 10 minutes” or send them a text to the same effect?

I'd try ringing them and asking if they were still coming

She hardly ever checks her phone :(
Note on the door might have to be the solution.

How late is she?

Phone her.

What has she said so far (ie when you’ve asked when she is coming?)

Is she on her way (so wait another 15mins) or has she not left yet (get on with your day)

Yes, stick a note on the door.
I hate lateness. What time was your friend suppose to arrive?

She’ll check her phone if she gets to yours and you don’t answer. Can you text to say you’ve left the back door open and she’s to come on in?

Due at 11. Now 41 mins late.
I can’t get hold of her but that’s not unusual

Do you need to stay upstairs with your baby when he/she sleeps? Just put that baby to bed

He takes 10 mins or so to settle. Additional needs. You can just gaurentee that the time I’m upstairs for she will arrive.

I’ve messaged again this time to say I assume something came up and that we will meet some other time.

I’m just annoyed that she chose the time and day and she has no children/Work. Further she’s not shown up or contacted to say she’s running late or cancelling. My time is always pushed due to juggling stuff - I’m not saying it’s more valuable than hers but it is tighter.

Just chill?! It's really not major.

Oh I know it’s not major. But I’m sure you can allow me to be mildly annoyed for a few minutes that I’ve been stood up with no explanation. I’ll be over it in a moment.

Your text was spot on. I have sent similar in the past.

We all run late sometimes, but a quick text to you saying 'Sorry, got delayed, will be about 40 mins - still ok to meet up?' It's not a big ask is it?

One friend was so slack, I once didn't answer the door. But she was coming to me to have lunch at one. By half two I was starving so I sent her the 'assume' text and got on with it. No reply. She eventually knocked at twenty to four, and suddenly remembered how her phone worked. I didn't pick up.

I know it sounds petty, but she was this late to meet ups 90% of the time. She knew damn well I take a lot of medication at various times, so I need to have some sort of routine for the pills to be taken with food.

Good for you - being late is fine with no message if it’s just five or ten mins but 50 mins is taking the piss. And if you need to put your child down for a nap there’s only so long you can wait. Hopefully she’ll be more organised/thoughtful next time.

I just wanted to know if 20 mins/40 mins /1 hour was reasonable to wait before giving up.
Probably anyone else I know would have been in touch to say they we’re running late or I would have been able to text them for an eta.

If I’m in my own home I give friends about half an hour, just incase they are stuck in traffic etc. 40 min with no contact is pretty rude, I’d have left a note on the door and gone to sort out DC. If they don’t value my time I’m not sure I would feel guilty about wasting a few minutes of theirs.

I wouldn’t have even left the note on the door! I’d have sent the text you did op and got on with my day. Far too much to be getting on with to wait around for someone who can’t be bothered to let me know they’re running late/ not coming.

I'd say half an hour to 45 minutes with no heads up is my limit, depending how far they are travelling and mode of travel.

You've waited long enough! Send a polite message saying you've got to get on with your day now so you're no longer available but she can make an alternative arrangement later if she likes.