That People Just Don't Socialise or Communicate As Much As They Used To??

[Consideringbeingamom]

I'm in my early 40's, no kids, would like them but having a bit of marital problem and used to have a lot of really good friends. One friend completely went nc last Summer. More recently my best mate pretty much replaced me with another lady and flaunts it on social media. I cannot see where I've gone wrong-I make the effort to send messages to so many family and friends so often asking them how they are and get generic "let's meet up soon" responses or just nothing at all! I'm told I'm kind and a really good laugh. Is it our age group? Is it social media killing relationships?
I admit I get quite lonely and seem to be ignored by friends who only now socialise with their dc's friends parents. Is it me or are many of you experiencing the same thing? To be honest it's hurtful ....by the way I totally don't harrass anyone, I send friendly monthly messages to make sure I'm not being a pain!

Ah I'm sorry to hear this, are they all close by? Distance can make it harder if not

Maybe say which days you're free when you next message them and really put yourself out there! It's hard when you feel lonely and isolated, & feel left out.

Are there any volunteer groups you could join where you could make some new connections etc? Church groups? Book cubs? Walking clubs etc?

It isn't you, sometimes people prioritise other areas of their life & when they've things in common with other people aka kids it's easier to meet up etc.

Perhaps message the best friend & say how you could do with a girly night & catch up ?

I have a friend who texts me constantly! She says she makes more effort than me, it could be a case where you need to text a little more and so does she - depends on your personalities - some friends I'll never meet up with unless they ask me because I'm terrible at that!

Spice sounds interesting! if nothing else you made me go to their website.

Sadly, 40 is the age when people tend to have young kids, my friends have seriously stopped bothering with me, I'm trying not to take it to heart, maybe one day they'll come back once their out of the fog.

Thanks Hunting, you sound much like me xx I have heard that Spice is amazing! What hurts is the nc friend had thanked me after the birth of ds for still making an effort when their other childless friends had forgotten about them! I think it's the same sort of treatment single people often get.
Those with busy relationships and families assume that the rest of us are all shanting it up in nightclubs evety night, not realising there's a lot of loneliness out there.....

No problem at all always gets me when people are feeling lonely etc, as I have been in that position myself. Ahh so you've the friend who starts up new friendships all of the time, that's never the best one to keep around!
Honestly, some people just don't do the "are you okay" thing! I'm terrible for it sometimes I'll text all the time sometimes rarely.
Don't completely give up though, do give them a text to arrange meet ups & if they continuously blow you off then definitely search elsewhere for better friends..
Spice sounds great! I would absolutely join that as well, just to make some new connections. Helps to cure the loneliness when you meet some new friends
Yah that's true people always think others are living it up or busy, but that's never the case. Everyone craves for some company xx

Thanks Tay xx you're so right xx

Meetup.com is a lower key version of Spice. Might be worth a look Anyone can post an event and see who might be interested. Start searching for an interest say book group or walking. Once you show an interest in some activities you start to get offered other similar or ones liked by people with similar interests.

Finally that is brilliant advice thanks! I really try to organise stuff like walking groups on Facebook to lukewarm responses. It'll be great to get in touch with like minded folk! thanks

40 isn’t typically a time of having young kids. Depends on your friends, but the average age is 30 in the UK and I’ve been more social since my youngest started school.

I know friends have complained of similar but they are always busy too. People seem to work more these days and are more protective of time alone. It is much easier to waste time with the internet. Plus going out can be expensive when many are feeling the pinch or are more cautious about spend8ng money. I did read that young people are drinking less and having less sex which was linked to the internet.

Yes Shasta you're right. A simple five minute visit or phone call doesn't seem to suffice for people now. It's all expense all of the time with the focus being on documenting it all on social media with the chosen few "lucky" enough to be invited. I find it all so odd!

Ps Meetup IS good, just signed up FinallyHere x

Best advice I can give you is to delete all social media and be yourself, and get out to do the things you want to do yourself.

Sadly most people are only really interested in themselves. I said most!

I'm afraid I am a bit of an introvert, so the thoughts of being in a group having to talk and interract all the time doesn't appeal. So I volunteered with a reading group for disadvantaged kids. SOOOOOO rewarding but bloody hard work! I just did my training and in I went.

We do have evaluations and meetings with others doing the same thing, but that is fine and we are all on the same page.

I think the so called competitiveness of SM is debilitating for people like me, maybe you also? I don't know.

I am not sure that I said anything useful there at all! But friends do move on for genuine reasons, and lives go off in different directions. It is the butterflies I have no time for!

Wise words Ophelia, so true