DH and weed

[Namechangedandfedup]

Apologies for posting in AIBU, but just at the end of my tether really and would appreciate help from the MN collective on how to go ahead.
In a nutshell - DH has smoked weed on and off in the 6 years we've been together, going cold turkey and quitting for mo the at a time then gradually it creeping back in bit by bit.
When I got pregnant he quit abd I was convinced that would be the end. Then after DD was born it was "I'll just have a smoke on social occasions", then "just at weekends" and now it's resulted in smoking everyday for the last 3 weeks.
I have always been pretty liberal and not had a massive issue with recreational drugs (have dabbled in the past myself), but draw the line when things become habitual and addictions form.
Anyway, I don't know why but I seen unable to ever stick to my guns when I bring the issue up - mainly because I have had a relaxed approach in the past so DH always manages to talk me round that he'll "just go back to smoking socially" or on "special occasions" and then it's such a gradual increase that I don't even notice until he's reliant on it again.
But I've had enough now, I don't want it around me, or DD again. He can't control his addiction and quite frankly I don't have any attraction for him at all when he's lazy, demotivated, eating shit etc.
I really struggle to get my side across without either being talked round or it resulting in me shouting etc. I've never been very good at 'arguing' and usually would rather avoid confrontation so just give in.

Please can you lot help me formulate a very straightforward point.
How do I tell DH that if he carries on I won't hang about without it coming across as an ultimatum??
He always seems so convincing and clearly I'm a fucking push over.
I'm embarrassed that I even need help to have this conversation to be honest, hence the namechange.

I'd just give him an ultimatum tbh.Nothing else will wotk.

I don't suppose it matters how you word it, at the end of the day it is an ultimatum (though one I absolutely agree with)
Have you thought of writing everything down? That way you get to say everything you want, don't get upset or sidetracked and DH will have time to consider his response without feeling pressured.
Be sure you are 100% about it being a make or break decision though, as if you back track later all your credibility will be gone.

You don't need him to understand why you are upset, he just needs to know that his actions do upset you. Upset you to the point where you do not want him around either you or your daughter. Upset to point where you are considering separation.

You don't need to argue your point. You can just repeat the statement. Arguing just gives him a chance to talk you round.

And then you need to take action. Personally I couldn't live with this and I would be getting my ducks in a row so that I could leave.

Largepiecesofcrookedwood

That's where I've done myself a disservice, as in the past I've said that and then not stuck to my guns.
Do I just come out with - "I don't want you buying weed again or I'm leaving"?
Then if he does do I just pack up and leave?
I wouldn't even know where to go.
Sorry, it sounds pathetic doesn't it - DH is the first man I've lived with and can't imagine how the breakup would pan out. I just don't fancy or respect him anymore, it's shit.
Do I tell him that?

Yep, just tell him you are finished. And he should be the one to go.

What's your financial situation?

AlphaApple

I'm a mature student on maternity leave, so my financial situation is pretty much shot. My mum lives close by but we don't have a great relationship and she had a dog I wouldn't be comfortable being around DD. Where would I go?!

Basically you either accept it on his terms, or leave. EXDH was a smoker. Didn’t bother me too much initially, but when it became everynight then it became a problem for me. Unfortunately smoking was more important than a wife and baby. You can’t force him to choose/ you can only ask. Ultimately you need to be sure that you are really willing to carry out a threat to leave before you make it, or accept the behaviour. Juts fighting about it is pointless.

Do you rent or own? Could you defer your course and get a job?

Others would know more what benefits you would be entitled to, and you would be entitled to child maintenance.

Sorry you are in this situation.

I’ve inboxed you