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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sad my child hasn’t been invited to a single party since he started pre-school

23 replies

SauvB123 · 09/04/2018 22:00

Just that really. Moved to a new area, new nursery and child hasn’t been invited to a single birthday party in over six months... We usually drop off late and pick up early so DC isn’t in nursery for extended hours so I don’t know any of the parents, unlike his previous nursery where we had play dates with a few different children.

Just feel bad for them as the latest put down among the kids is “your not coming to my party”.

OP posts:

Tailfeather · 09/04/2018 22:01

Aaw. It would break my heart too. How old? And when is their birthday?

BarbarianMum · 09/04/2018 22:04

I don't think nursery parties were a big thing when mine were little - it all really got going in reception. At nursery age parties consisted on the children of your mum's friends.

I wouldnt worry yet OP. Honestly.

PrettyLittIeThing · 09/04/2018 22:07

Does this actually happen IRL. I'm not being funny but I've never heard of whole class parties IRL only on here. I have two kids in school one in year 1 and one in year 2 and neither has ever been invited to a school party.

NoAprilFool · 09/04/2018 22:10

“You’re not coming to my party” is often used regardless of whether or not there is an actual party, whether the child’s birthday is 10 months away etc.!

RepealMay25th · 09/04/2018 22:11

Pre school? Thats just people inviting their friends kids, not friends of the kids. You don't know any of them so you don't get invites, nothing nefarious about it.

Fruitcorner123 · 09/04/2018 22:14

If they are only 2 or 3 I wouldn't worry. I threw a little party for DD when she was 3 and asked her to name some friends. She named three people but when I asked at the pre school they suggested completely different children. My DD just said some random names she could remember at the time. By 4 i think i had an idea of who she played with from her and from chats with other parents but it may just take longer for your child's name to be one the other mums recognise.

FittonTower · 09/04/2018 22:14

My little girl didn't go to one party in the 4 years she was at nursery. She's at primary school now are shes got 4 parties in the next 3 weeks. There just might not be a lot of parties going on, most people i know didn't start parties with friends until primary anyway.

mamaduckbone · 09/04/2018 22:15

My ds went to one party during his whole time at preschool. He has plenty of friends now! Try not to worry. Is this also a bit about you wanting to have contact with some of the other parents? That’s understandable too.

Backinthetallgrass · 09/04/2018 22:16

Like a pp said....there might not be any parties. My son never got invited to any before starting school and now he's been to 6 this year. When he was 3 / 4 he was constantly telling me who was / wasnt coming to his party despite it being months till his bday. Other kids would do the same with him.

TokyoSushi · 09/04/2018 22:16

Pre school/nursery parties weren't really a big thing here either. You usually got invited to and invited the DC's whose parents that you knew/spoke to.

If you drop off late and pick up early, I think it's highly unlikely that your DC is not liked and simply that the other parents are much less aware of them.

The children hardly if at all choose who is invited at that stage.

I think DD went to about 3 parties in the whole of nursery, now in reception I currently have 6, yes 6 invitations on my fridge!

Fruitcorner123 · 09/04/2018 22:16

And my DS says "you're not coming to my party" to his sister. She obviously is and his birthday is in november but it still upsets her.

AlphaApple · 09/04/2018 22:16

Pre school parties are usually the parents' friends/family and their kids. If you've never met the parents then YABU.

Seriously, you have a decade of kids party-politics ahead. This is not one to get your knickers in a twist over.

clumsyduck · 09/04/2018 22:20

Are they having parties ? I think ds went to one in pre school ( same school as his primary ) then BOOM reception year as they all turned 5 and had a "big" party he was at one almost every weekend at one point no exaggeration! Remember a couple of weekends were he went to 2 parties ! ( large year group) After that the parties have seemed to drop to small parties inclusive of the smaller friendship groups (his parties included ) ( thank god!)

clumsyduck · 09/04/2018 22:22

Oh and "you're not coming to my party" is the desired insult used by 4//5/6 year olds . Even if there is no party . Relax honestly

snowagain · 09/04/2018 22:22

Why not have one for HIM, and invite all the kids in his class?

If you're worried about him being left out?

That is what I would do.......

4GreenApples · 10/04/2018 00:33

My DC1 used to do a lot of that “you’re not coming to my party” stuff in preschool.

Largely because of when in the year his birthday is, he didn’t actually have a party while he was at preschool. So he was excluding children from a party that didn’t exist

I think I ended up saying something along the lines of “Miniapples isn’t having a birthday party this year because of his inconvenient birthdate” to almost every parent I could identify as a classmates parent, because just about all of his classmates were either off the imaginary invite list at one point or other, or had been told that they were invited to this non-existent party

Original poster

SauvB123 · 10/04/2018 08:07

Thanks for all the replies. Child is 3, and birthday not until August. We invited 8 children from last nursery to 3rd birthday and I know numbers are usually restricted to friends of parents at this age, I just want him to have friends and be happy. We will be having a 4th birthday, but lots of children will be pulled out for Summer after their “graduation” in July so not sure how many will still be around. Guess things will settle down when school starts, so I’ll try not to stress about it!

OP posts:

Tailfeather · 10/04/2018 08:17

Do you know for sure they gave had parties? Most of my friends didn't have parties for their little ones until they were 5 - before then maybe an NCT group gathering or just family. My boy is 2 and we haven't bothered with birthday parties yet.

thegreylady · 10/04/2018 08:20

Could you organise a play date with his chosen pals?

mindutopia · 10/04/2018 08:27

My dd was in the same nursery from 8 months but her 4th birthday was the first time we ever invited nursery friends. Before then it was just our friends and friends she knew from other places. It sounds like you were just in a really social nursery (where maybe there was more pressure to invite everyone). Mine didn’t get invited to a birthday from nursery until the summer before school started so after her birthday party when we invited nursery friends. And we knew parents of other kids for 3+ years by that point. It sounds normal to me, though other kids being mean about it isn’t.

happystory · 10/04/2018 08:30

Work in a preschool and I agree with noAprilfool

comfortandjoy · 10/04/2018 08:35

Agree with others . Small parties at that age. I just invited kids whose parents I’d met , chatted to. At that age it isn’t drop off so didn’t fancy complete strangers in my house.

bumblenbean · 10/04/2018 18:19

Aww OP just want to give you and your little boy a virtual hug, even though I’m sure he has plenty of friends 😊 my DS is due to start nursery soon and I’m already thinking about him making friends and being happy! They’re so little and vulnerable. I’m sure you have absolutely nothing to worry about!

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