Not to help ex

[Crazycatladyx5]

Backstory..My hubby left me in July 2016 to be with the woman he had been having an affair with. They bought his dad's house cheap & live over 10 miles from me & DD. He picks DD up from school for tea one night a week, his dad drives her back from his that night, & she stays at his every other weekend. He picks her up and either him or his dad bring her back through.
He's now decided I should be helping out with getting DD back & forth to his.
Way I look at it is him & OW chose to live so far away. He only works 1 shift a week....if he needs more money for petrol he could work more. I have always worked full time. He did school runs but very little else to contribute towards house....like cooking, cleaning, gardening, DDs homework, playing with DD. Was all down to me so that bit isn't much different. But I now have to fork out for ASCs for DD. And pay for everything for her with very little maintenance.
He is trying to make me feel very guilty for refusing to help him see DD. I don't plan to drive her to his. I can't afford the petrol but AIBU?

YANBU you're doing the majority of the parenting. If it was 50/50 then I'd say travel should be equally shared.
When you're doing pretty much everything he can't expect you to then be put out for him to see her too.

Id say to him either he does the travelling or to let you know if he doesn't want to see her but that its not your job to do the travelling when he wants to see her.

You are making sure DD is available for access visits, you should not have to help his lazy arse to collect her!

A lot of people do a 10 mile trip each way to school every day twice a day so hardly a long way is it really.

He should be having her to stay over on a week night anyway so may be suggest he does that & he can drop her off at school the next day that will save one trip.

Just remember
"NO is a complete sentence!" or
" erm no that doesn't work for us"

YANBU

Yadnbu!!

YANBU on top of doing everything he wants you to do the running around on the one night you have a moment to yourself.

Really? I have a friend whose wife left him for someone else and moved 150 miles away with their child but as she is the main caregiver he still has to collect AND drop off on his weekends.

Don't do it and don't give it a moment's thought.

Thank you everyone. Wish he didn't still have the ability to make me doubt myself.

Crazy It's a legacy of the controlling arsey behaviour you escaped from, and the reason he's your ex! Takes quite a while I found to stop that self judgement, and your reaction to it.
I've been divorced nearly 10 years now & ( happily) minimal
contact with ex from when my kids were 17+.

However, sadly, circumstances recently led our paths to cross, & it really upskittled me that I still somehow allowed him to push my buttons.

Luckily I quickly realised & took a step back from the situation before it undermined my confidence yet again.
Takes some practice but you'll get there 😁

YANBU. My exh collects and drops our DC and always has. At one stage he (or more likely his ‘D’P) tried to kick up a fuss insisting I should share this responsibility but I refused saying if he wants to see his children, he should make the effort to do so.

You are doing the lions share of the parenting by far as it is, you should not also be helping him have his access.

I commute 200 miles a week, which is pretty much a full tank of petrol.

So, depending on prices around, £50.

So a total trip for him would be 20 miles, so a tenth of that (£5 per trip , £2.50 each way).

I know this is only approx but maybe pointing out to him the small amounts he is quibbling about might shame him into shutting up!

Exactly Greenfingers !

Very good point Greenfingers.
He was always tight though.
Thank you for your comments & support everyone.

10 miles is nothing. I bring my son and collect from school 15 miles away so works out 60miles a day. Tell him to do one