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Original poster

Maintenance payments: who’s right me or ex?

26 replies

Emboo19 · 09/04/2018 18:37

Is it expected that non resident parents would still pay maintenance if they take their dc on holiday?

DD is away with her dad this week and when he picked her up he mentioned he’d only be able to pay his basic amount this week. He usually gives more but he’s not done much overtime and his holiday pay is only basic, said he wanted to give me a heads up in case I was relying on more.

But I was thinking about it and if he’s got her all this week and he’s feeding her and everything. Surely he won’t pay me anything this Friday or maybe he shouldn’t have paid me last Friday.

So I text him that, but he said it doesn’t work like that and he should still pay and so he will do.
So I know not a issue as such but it got me thinking and I want to know if he’s right or I am.

OP posts:
kimlo · 09/04/2018 18:42

he's right.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/04/2018 18:43

He should still pay.

Grumpyoldblonde · 09/04/2018 18:45

He is. You still have rent/mortgage and the bills. You keep the roof over her head and bear the general cost of her upbringing.
He sounds a responsible man.

Helpthem2018 · 09/04/2018 18:46

He is right, he should still pay but if he is struggling and you are not it's up to you

Schlimbesserung · 09/04/2018 18:46

He is right, because the fixed costs are still the same (housing, heating etc) even if she isn't there.

follybodger · 09/04/2018 18:46

Wow. An ex that pays more than he should frequently. Sounds like a decent father

Original poster
Emboo19 · 09/04/2018 18:46

Really? I know I shouldn’t complain. But I haven’t sent anything for dd, other than what she was wearing to go and her coat and shoes, he will have probably bought more clothes as he usually only as her one night and he’s taken nappies and everything, and obviously he’s feeding her.

OP posts:
DragonMummy1418 · 09/04/2018 18:49

If you have the child 50/50 then I wouldn't expect money at all.
But he does sound a good man and if you don't need the extra money then maybe just put it to one side or get your dd some more clothes in the next size up?

Original poster
Emboo19 · 09/04/2018 18:49

He is good with paying and I know if I was ever short or anything he’d help out. I don’t need it and I know he won’t be skint as he’s good with money and always got a fair bit saved, but he’ll be short for him. But if he’s supposed to pay he won’t not do even if I say don’t bother this week.

OP posts:
Namechangingfornow123 · 09/04/2018 18:50

Lucky you. I wish he was my ex.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 09/04/2018 18:51

Yes, he still pays. Your maintenance is not calculated on a week by week basis but on the number of nights she spends with him a year (and these work, if I remember well, in groups of 53 nights)

Viviennemary · 09/04/2018 18:52

I don't think there is a right and a wrong here. I'd say he shouldn't pay this week if he's taking your DD on holiday. And he will have bills to pay at home too.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 09/04/2018 18:53

His solution is perfect - he pays you the basic amount but not the extra, as he's the only incurring extra costs that week.

Maintenance payments aren't for "treats" but for all the costs incurred in being a resident parent including rent/mortgage on a bigger place, more bills, etc than you would have alone.

Don't feel guilty about taking the money.

PrettyLittIeThing · 09/04/2018 18:54

I wish this was my ex. Yes he should still pay.

LongWavyHair · 09/04/2018 18:58

I think he's doing the best thing by just paying the basic amount rather than the extra on top while he takes the dc on holiday.

donners312 · 09/04/2018 19:22

Well he seems like he normally does the decent thing so whilst i think he should pay if he doesn't really have it as a one off then for the sake of good relations then I would let him off.

He sounds nice so keep a good relationship with him, more important than a few quid.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 09/04/2018 20:10

I guess if he paid the csa legal amount that would be fair enough. But his basic payment is more than csa anyway so I don’t think he should pay really.

But I text that I don’t need it and he can just use it to pay for dd to do some lovely things while away and his reply was: ‘I’m not skint, just haven’t done overtime so can’t give you what I haven’t got. Just wanted you to know so you knew how much to expect this week. But I can afford to pay for my daughter and she’ll have a lovely time, thanks x

So I guess that got me told!

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 09/04/2018 20:11

I was trying to let him off donners he wants to pay 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 10/04/2018 09:12

Different question and not actually for me. But does anyone know if cms is calculated from each weekly wage so whatever percent of what they earned that week or is it just a set amount based on what they usually earn so say £100 every week, regardless of what they actually earned that week.

I know my ex is generous with payment but don't think I realised quite how much. A friends ex pays a lot less for two children and he does a similar (pay wise job) to my ex. I think he's playing her a bit really but not sure how it works has we've just arranged ourselves.

OP posts:
MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 10/04/2018 09:16

Ah @Emboo19 I'm going off topic but I remember your previous posts.

Glad to hear that things seem harmonious in your life and that your ex is really a decent father.

Did you make it to Australia in the end?

AnathemaPulsifer · 10/04/2018 09:19

He is right and he sounds lovely. Keep it simple as could get much more complicated if an unpleasant partner comes on the scene in future.

Treezabreeze · 10/04/2018 09:24

My ex paid me £100 an month, less than what he was supposed to be paying me, and even that was a struggle to get! You have a good deal there!

Original poster
Emboo19 · 10/04/2018 09:54

Ha @MickHucknallspinkpancakes we have maintenance sorted and he’s very good with that! The rest not so harmonious. I don’t think either of us has a clue what we’re doing to be honest. We did go to Australia though, yes and it was lovely no problems then.

OP posts:
jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 10/04/2018 10:02

He needs to pay - otherwise his holiday will be costing you money. If it was the other early round, there would be parents denying holidays for £££ or parents using holidays as a way of not paying maintenance. The parent not going on holiday will save money while the child is away but it will balance out when the NRP doesn't have the child because they are holidaying with RP

NeedsAsockamnesty · 10/04/2018 12:19

It’s calculated usually on his income for the year but obviously if a big change hapoensncan be recalculated

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