To exclude agressive child from playdates?

[upsideup]

DS is 4, since he was about 1 we have been meeting up with 3 other children the same age and their parents. Now they are older we mostly do playdates without parents, rarely can all 3 come so I end up with DS and 1 or 2 of his friends which as I wouldnt consider any of the adults close friends I much prefer doing (I would say that the other 3 parents may consider eachother close friends though)

One of these 3 children lets call them A has always been very agressive but by now I would have thought the constant biting/hitting/snatching/screaming etc would have stopped. When A's parent is here there is no attempt to get A to behave and when I have A on my own it is a nightmare. When DS was a toddler he would be able to forget about being hit or having something stolen from him within 20 minutes but now he remembers and A is a lot stronger so he is starting to really not like A and spends most of the time kepping out of A's way to avoid being hurt. A doesnt just behave like this towards DS but did the same to the other 2 kids aswell who were a bit more inclinded than DS to give as good as they get back, which A's mother was always quick to call out, now A has realised DS doesnt retaliate he is the main target.

As we have somehow become a group its kind of become an unspoken rule than all the children must be invited to everything. When DS is invited to A's house, I always have to make up an excuse to why he cant come but to avoid causing problems in the group I still invite A to everything and they pretty much always come.
What I want to do is to just stop inviting A to playdates at mine and explain to A's mum why I am doing so, is that unreasonable? Is that going to stop DS from being invited anywhere with any of the other kids?
Or my other options are to:
-Talk to the other parents behind A's mum and see if they notice the same and what they want to do about it.
-Completely remove myself from the whole group and make DS miss out on playing with the 2 friends he likes
WWYD?

If your son doesn't like this child and doesn't want to play with him, then don't force him to just to avoid issues with the parents.

I don't think there's any obligation to continue to invite all of them all of the time. I'd just move to inviting one child at a time, and declining any invites where this child will be present. I wouldn't discuss it with the other parents or with the parents of this child unless they directly ask you.

I'd tell A of your concerns and how his behaviour is causing issues for you and your ds and that you feel unable to host him anymore.

If , by some chance, you end up being excluded by the other parents then so be it. Better than your child being hit and bitten.

I would cut down on playdates for sure maybe meet at the park or wherever thing is you can't make these kids be friends and if the kid has taken a dislike to your son that he is upsetting him why would you have him in your house ?

I would just invite one friend at a time now and not invite A anymore. Kids make their own friends once they start school and it is natural to move towards their friends rather than the children of adults yon know which tends to be who babies and toddlers socialise with.

I’d stop inviting A. I wouldn’t have someone be horrible to my own child in my own home. You not even proper friends with the parents so I wouldn’t worry.

Just invite one child at a time.
If A's mum notices and asks, say something vague about A and DS not getting along well at the moment.

If A's mum notices and asks, say something vague about A and DS not getting along well at the moment

Yes to this

Thankyou. I guess I will try and stop invites without giving a reason and hope it doesnt cause a problem with the other parents for ds, He will make new friends at school in september so it wont be a huge loss if he does get cut out.