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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be happy we chose a mixed school

14 replies

smallsuccesses · 09/04/2018 13:13

(Just feeling happy and wanted to share - not doing down others' choices).

We rejected an all-boys grammar in the next town for a small local mixed comp, for several reasons, but not least because DH hated his all-boys school and wanted DS to go somewhere with girls. DS always got on well with both boys and girls as friends at primary and it just seemed like a much better choice for him.

He's now in Year 9 and we haven't been disappointed - he's flying high academically, has a lovely mixed group of friends and is far more sociable than either DH or I were at the same age. Yesterday we came home from a day out and found a huge parcel at the door from one of his female pals - a big stack of books neatly tied with a ribbon, and an effusive handwritten note telling him exactly why she loved every single one of them and why he should read them. How lovely is that? Perhaps I'm too cynical, but I'm sure he could never have made such lovely friends at an all-boys school - especially one where students travel from a wide area and never see each other outside of school. When he's with us he's a normal grunty teenage boy, but when he's with his friends they just never stop talking and it's just so lovely to see.

OP posts:

Jessturnerbabyblues · 09/04/2018 13:15

Good choice.

I teach at a mixed primary. My view is that all boys and all girls school just invite segregation.

Puffycat · 09/04/2018 13:20

I agree it’s very much a personal choice. We opted for coed prep which was fantastic, dd now at all girls secondary and remains friends with some boys from prep along with their friends, plus all the new friends she has made at new school.
I feel it’s a good mix.
Glad your DS is happy and thriving!

bryheresse · 09/04/2018 13:25

I prefer girls only for girls, and mixed for boys.

It's what worked for my dc.

CallYourDadYoureInACult · 09/04/2018 13:42

She fancies him

toomuchicecream · 09/04/2018 14:05

My DS spent 3 happy years in an all boys school and then moved to a mixed one. As soon as he changed schools his social life went through the roof, so I asked him why. He patiently explained that the girls organised things and told the boys where to be!

mikeyssister · 09/04/2018 14:56

Mine all went to mixed primary as it was local.

They are all going/went to the secondary that best suits their needs.

Take a pat on the back for being a good parent OP, I know I am. The type of school s really irrelevant if it's the right one for your child.

Original poster

smallsuccesses · 09/04/2018 15:00

Exactly toomuchicecream. They are also more emotionally literate and encourage the boys to be open to new things.

Our school had a craft fair and encouraged the students to book a table. The girls in DS's friendship group encouraged the boys to get involved. I think my normally-non-arty DS thought he would make some money out of it, but either way I came home one day to find him googling Christmas crafts and making a shopping list for everything he needed. They then all went round to one of the girl's houses for a making party. I was amazed!

OP posts:

TammySwansonTwo · 09/04/2018 15:03

I went to an all girls school. In year 11 I was asked to help the boys school out with a GCSE drama performance so I had to spend time there for a week or so. I was absolutely stunned by how disruptive and badly behaved they were (this was a boys grammar) compared to the girls school. At that point I was so glad I went to a girls school!

I have twin boys now though so no idea what I’ll do for them!

JacquesHammer · 09/04/2018 15:09

YANBU to be pleased with the decision you made for your child.

Perhaps I'm too cynical, but I'm sure he could never have made such lovely friends at an all-boys school

The thing is, you don't actually know this. He may well have made great friends and had a different education experience.

My daughter is at a co-ed prep and is moving to a single sex secondary. There is a boys' school next door and they have separate lessons but put on productions, do projects and generally mix which I think gives the best of both worlds.

Original poster

smallsuccesses · 09/04/2018 15:11

She fancies him

They were semi-officially BF/GF for about 6 weeks in Year 7 but then decided just friends was much more sensible given they were going to be in all the same classes for several years to come. They got on with each other much better after they got that out of the way, and it made it easier to form the wider friendship group too!

Longer term I'm not sure she's his type - too girly and emotional - I hope he finds someone a bit more grounded eventually. But it is interesting for them to be thinking about what makes a good friend and how that might be different to what makes a good GF/BF. It's good to start working that out sooner rather than later!

OP posts:

flaggerblasted · 09/04/2018 15:11

I used to love the humour of the boys in my mixed comp school. It was a great antidote to some of the girls bitchiness and highly dramatic interpretations of relatively minor events (not all girls like that , but a lot of them were and I couldn't be bothered with it). It's all about balance I think. My DS who is 12 regularly goes his (female) friends house to make cup cakes and short films! He has grreat fun. He's equally happy round at his male friends house playing Xbox. So pleased I chose mixed school for my DCs too.

Dozer · 09/04/2018 15:13

You were lucky to have such good choices available to you.

rocketgirl22 · 09/04/2018 15:18

I think it works well right until they get seriously involved with relationships (around 15/16) and then it puts a real strain on GSCEs. On one level it is good to mix, but I think the other sex being around is distracting for most teenagers by the time they reach late teens. Your ds is still young so maybe you should consider evaluating at the end of his academic journey.

Dozer · 09/04/2018 15:24

I went to a mixed sex comp, had no male friends (we deemed the boys idiots) and got sexually harassed frequently. Many lessons were a write off because of boys behaving badly/dominating. Hopefully things have moved on a LOT since then!

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