Do all young kids "level out" weary from a pushy mother..

[grassnotgreener005]

Just that, a mum I know who has young dc the same age as mine is so tiresome... We met at a toddler goup & since the first meeting it has been a competion about who has the most advanced child. Actually it wasn't a competition as I smiled & nodded & clearly there was only one winner!
Our first borns are now in the same activities & other mum is raging as my daughter is excelling at one of them. Yesterday she baraged at me how she would't be sending her 2nd born to preschool as she is clearly too advanced & would be so bored & unstimulated!
The sad part is her dc are so lovely & get on great with mine. What is wrong with this woman & why the need for competition. Also she is very condescending to my dc... What the hell is wrong with her? I avoid her when I can but we were at an event yesterday & was impossible to avoid..

She's insecure.

I would'nt care but her dc & mine are both clearly thriving as the majority of kids in the activities are but that's not good enough for her.. If it makes any difference she's a teacher who left her job to be a sahm but that does not excuse the constant comparisons, it's not about my kids either "when I see little Rose (not real name) compared to Jimmy it's so obvious how advanced & clued in she is, I always do x,y, z with her you see"....

Just agree, every time.

X is doing so well and Y is so far behind.

Yes, X has good genes and great parenting but Y is from dodgy stock and is being brought up all wrong.

It will drive her mad. She won't know if you are serious or taking the piss.

I don't know if they'll level.out but I do know she will be in for a whole world of trouble when they're teenagers

It's so annoying & she is quite aggressive when she is talking about their "advancement"! However the kids are just lovely & seem oblivious to the competition !

She feels inadequate at a very deep level. It must be really uncomfortable for her, but a massive pain in the arse for you too.
I don’t think I’ve ever come across such unhinged behaviour as i found in toddler groups. Something about it just drives some women nuts, and they act out.

Just breathe, agree, change the subject and avoid if you can.

I had awful parents and used to be ashamed when they started kicking off in public. They were trying so hard to present us as a perfect family unit and were oblivious to how people reacted.

It's just that she see every other child as a threat & nearly an annoyance as they clearly aren't as intelligent as hers... the next few years will be interesting... i'm really not sure how she is seeing her dc as more advanced as how can she compare them with kids that she sees for only an hour per week max!!

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I think for some women who have left their careers they need to feel validated in what they’re doing. Society doesn’t particularly value being a SAHM so it’s like being able to point to a successful output. Like your child being advanced means you’re doing your job well. She is probably not very happy.

I could have written your post, though our sons are just 10mths at the moment. Her son was a very early walker and is very active whereas my son has been a little slower with sitting, crawling etc. Her son was earlier with mama dada too. However, my son is very tall and heavy (95th centile for both) and she is always comparing their size, wanting to know how heavy DS is now etc. Her son is not small by any means but she seems to dislike that DS is bigger.

I knew how competitive new mums can be so i feel like i went out of my way to avoid comparison type conversations, but i've ended up with this situation anyway. I do like her in all other ways but i hate the comparing.

I think for some women who have left their careers they need to feel validated in what they’re doing. Society doesn’t particularly value being a SAHM so it’s like being able to point to a successful output. Like your child being advanced means you’re doing your job well. She is probably not very happy.

LovesLaboursLost has hit the nail on the head. For some women their sense of self-esteem and validation takes a hit when they switch to 'just' being a Mum so they turn into overly competitive terrors who'll put children down just to make themselves feel superior.

The thing to do is to point it out every single time. Say something like "blowing out other people's candles won't make yours shine any brighter, you know" til she realises what a knob she's being.

There's always someone like that. You'll get s group of self deprecating mums and then they'll be one who's completely at variance to this and goes on about their perfect child. Oblivious to everyone else going . I had an acquaintance who did under the guise of being amusing. But it was still tedious and I'd try to avoid.

Just avoid. It's boring

Yep I do avoid at all cost, dh takes dc to the activities so I don't have to run into her. She can't seem to say anything nice about any other kids, as I said up post her kids are just lovely which is a pity as my dc really like & get on well with them. She seems to have taken a real dislike to my eldest dc & tries to put her down when she can in a condescending way...

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