I posted about this issue once before, so here is rant 2.0
For those who have not read, I was physically and mentally in bad shape after birth of our premature baby with reflux and colic. He has been not crying, but screaming for hours each day- and unless you went through something similar, don't judge, but we asked MIL to stay with us for 3-4 days for 3 weeks to help me out. MIL leaves too far to just pop in randomly, and I was in desperate need of help.
MIL is a bit of a crazy character, but I hoped we can iron out our differences and I tried so, so hard just trying to get on with her, as she is, in fairness, a caring and loving person. Unfortunately, she is also a suffocating worrier who does not know boundaries and does not understand privacy.
She is, like many PILs out there, obsessed with the baby to the point I consider unhealthy. When arouod here, I would leave her to play with him for some time each day. My own grandma would help out with childcare when I was little and my Mum worked part time, so I believed it's important to bond with grandparents, as I bonded so well with mine being in their care. The problem was, when I would take the baby, this freedom would not be reciprocated. MIL would spend entire days following me around, staring at us, constantly interfering, asking if I want her to take the baby, etc. She would not want to go out despite me offering to take her to town, nor for a walk, nor wither watch TV on her own as she did not want to miss a millisecond of my son's life, she would just sit in front of me staring and looking for opportunities to take the baby away. When I played with him, she would put some crappy toy in front of his face to get his attention, when I bathed him, she sat behind me constantly making noises and calling out his name, when I had him in my arms when he was crying she would literally run around me to distract him and have him look at her. It felt worse than being on my own, so I told DP I'd rather struggle on my own than struggle with the baby and have to compete for his attention against MIL, which he agreed on a she was constantly looking for opportunities to snatch the baby from his arms in the evening, when he only had 20-30 minutes with the baby before going to bed. When anyone, like her husband or DP os SIL try to hold the baby she keeps on telling them they are holding the baby wrong, to look out for the head, etc, which is ironic as they all hold the baby better and more comfortably than she does.
DP went to visit parent on the weekend, and FIL was telling him how disappointed and sad MIL was not to be asked to stay with us again- we never told her that was that, but she kept on texting me asking if I needed anything, and I just texted her back saying we were doing fine and thank you for helping us for the three weeks and I would get back if we needed anything. She then 'accidentally' rang us in the afternoon, with a crying, sad moaning voice, first pretending she had been sleeping (3 PM) and that she did not ring us, then she tried to tell us she was just trying to ring her sister instead (totally different name to DP, numbers would not be anywhere near each other). I knew she wanted us to go deeper into the story and figure out what was wrong, but baby was having a meltdown, so she was not a priority to sort out and we said bye and hanged up.
MIL and FIL are visiting next week for a day to see the baby and I know that she will try to corner me, as she often does when she wants intel, and get herself invited back. I kind of feel sorry for her, as I know she loves the baby, and that she is ding those things out of love, not maliciousness, but I just irrationally can't stand that attention seeking and meddling. I wonder if I should just tell her why we don't really want her around?