AIBU to resent my mental health

[Kittycuddles]

I have suffered with mental health problems since i was 11 years old. OCD. Anorexia. Depression. Self harm. Suicidal thoughts. In college was in 3 abusive relationships. One physically violent relationship. One rape. One sexual abuse incident. One kidnapping. One mental abuse relationship.

In the past few years I got really mentally ill again. Crisis team x 3. Sectioned. Personality disorder. OCD. Eating disorder. Panic attacks. QUASI psychosis. Self harm. Skin picking. I got PCOS and kidney/bladder problems. I recently over come a drug and alcohol problem. However. My mental health team told me that they had been planning to discharge me for months due to me not getting better mentally quick enough. After ending up in hospital through drug overdose. Even through starvation of eating disorder to the point of not even being able move properly without nearly fainting or not being able to breathe. I was asked to consider hospital again. I saw the mental health team for under a year before they started to plan my discharge. They denied all knowledge of phone calls from me or my parents about drug overdoses. No phone call record about when 'voices in my head told me to climb my roof'. Now not even half a year after hospital. They have even told my GP to start giving my prescriptions every two weeks not every month to encourage me to go and get the meds. I'm agrophobic. I dont leave my house or garden. They did home visits as did my GP. Recently my bladder has been playing up and i have been having near total urinary incontanance. Ignored. I have spent hundred of pounds of piss soaked mattresses being replaced. I'm embarrassed of being a young women who is too panicked to go out. Smells like piss. Has no mental health care because i didn't get my mental health better quick enough. I am covered in self harm scars across my face and arms and torso and legs.
And all of a sudden all my mental health care is gone. And it's my fault. And you know why I went downhill mentally again? My Grandad was in ICU for over 2 months. Died and was ressussated twice. My nan then got bacterial meningitis and went to hospital. Grace of God they are both home safe and well now.

I feel like a failure. I'm fed up of being scared of my OCD all the time. Of panicking. I'm just so tired of all the worry and anxiety.

AIBU to feel so disheartened by mental health. Nearly 11 years of mental health problems. It's just so hard.

It is. It feels like you’ve been cheated out of the chance for a decent life with partners and friends or work.

Could you trying contacting MIND to see if they would help advocate for you in your treatment?

Most places including MIND need you to go to them. Being agrophobic I no longer have acsess to care. They have even influenced my GP to start withdrawing care. My Mum is in charge of my medicine dosages. My Mum is the one who along with my Dad has to help me change it one soiled matressess.

Speak to mind. They would have heard of agrophobia and may have resources for a home visit that they dont advertise on their website. Your gp shouldnt be influenced however they are qualified and have assessed you. They dont have a vindetta against you or out to ruin your life they are working with the funding and guidelines they have.
Speak to your gp again and contact mind.

Hope you will be okay OP. Mental health is such a fucker. You will get through this, you wouldn't have posted if you didn't want to. I'm in Ireland so I don't know of any help there. Ring your GP and get a home visit or get them to refer you to someone that will come out to you. Don't be afraid, you're not well and sometimes services fail us, don't give up

Thank you for your kind words :) x

I know its not a personal things with the Mental health teams but they didn't want to continue my care because of my taking over 3 months to recover from the metal problems. They sent my GP a letter saying the medical problems such as /Asthma, swollen glands, urinary incontanance, purple legs/ was all 'made up in my mind and it would be helpful for me to be told that by my GP essentially. Which means less GP home visits and the Mental health team dont have to to answer to him about why my records were lost and why they didn't record drug overdoses/suicidal thoughts. I think we were put in contact with MIND and we HAD to go to their building to see them for an assessment :(

Btw I can assure you I DO have swollen glands as a DR has confirmed that! The same goes for purple legs/PCOS/bladder cysts.

I dont like being made to feel like I am mental and thinking I have a medical problem with my bladder when in fact I KNOW I have a problem with my bladder. I was due an op for it a few years back now!!
We were told i was going to get specialist OCD care a year or so ago and then after the initial assessment the man never came back and we kept being told that they were waiting to know where he was. In fact at my last app my Mum got upset because it was denied so heavily we ever saw him that she got me to Google him so we could prove to ourselves we did see him!!

I feel you OP, after years of anxiety attacks, numerous disastrous relationships, failed jobs, skin picking, wreckless behaviour - I had a meltdown and attacked someone a couple of weeks ago. Finally, I've been diagnosed with BPD alongside ?bipolar ?PTSD. Only took 20 years for someone to give a shit.

Dear god op. You are being hugely let down by a range of health care providers.
Do you have anyone that could be an advocate for you.
They could speak to the gp receptionist to arrange a home visit? Your medical needs must be tended to regardless of having MH issues.
It’s shameful what is happening to patients with MH needs these days. Truly shameful.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much, and not getting the treatment you need. Wish I had some great advice, but I'm kind of in the same boat (C-PTSD, BPD, ED, anxiety in variety of ways, depression etc). As are thousands and thousands. :( I honestly just don't think proper mental health care on NHS exists anymore, sadly.

I've given up on trying to get the appropriate help on the NHS - it just won't happen when you're "too complex". Especially as soon as anyone slaps down a personality disorder dianosis on your files. It's a diagnosis lottery, really. DH has a bipolar diagnosis, and despite being able to work full time and being fairly functional, he has regular psychiatrist appointment and there's never a mention of him being discharged. (Which I'm glad about!) I'm much, much more dysfunctional, but with my random range of umbrella diagnoses, just don't "qualify".

If at all possible, I'd recommend trying to find private help - an option that a huge amount of the population obviously won't have. There are providers out there who make homevisits and engage via phone and internet.

And YANBU to resent it! Life robbing bastard of a thing!

@Vedder I am sorry you had to get to that point of mentally unwell to get treatment!!
@Prozac I feel you on the complex front! I got denied HA help once because i was too 'vunerable' mentally!!

Personality disorders are so hard to live with. It was implied the other day that the reason I didn't get help for a drug problem was because as someone with a personality disorder I will always be self harming basically. So there was no point in them helping me with drugs or self harm.

I dont have the monatiery funds to pay for private mental health care unfortantly. Being agrophobic I have realised that if i ever want to go out its not a non panic option!! I'm so scared that one day my eating disorder or psychosis will get the better of me and kill me but scared it would be too late because of the Mental health team ignoring me or implying I am just mad!
I'm Sorry anyone on this thread has had to suffer mental health whether it's their mental health or someones they know. And i super appreciate the replies thank you. X