Dating AIBU

[TheTimeToChange]

Met up with a guy from online dating a couple of times and received a message from him earlier asking me if I’d like to meet up again.

Although I enjoyed seeing him both times, I’ve really thought about it and would prefer not to meet up again.

I really don’t mean this to sound harsh at all, but I can’t think of a more diplomatic way to say this for now - I didn’t really fancy him that much and during both times that we met, it seemed that we didn’t have that much in common.

Of course, neither of these things on their own is a be-all-and-end-all, but I’m also not very excited by the thought of seeing him again, which is how I think I should at least partly feel.

I think it would be harsh to ‘lead him on’ by saying that I’d like to meet up again, and would prefer not to ‘ghost’ him as I think that would be quite harsh, so I’m thinking of messaging him, but I’m finding it hard at the moment to think of how I can politely explain how I feel in a diplomatic way.

Can anyone help please?

Thanks :)

Just say “you’re a really nice guy and I enjoyed hanging out but I’m afraid there’s just no spark for me.” Or something

I'd just be honest! If it's online and you've only dated a couple of times, I'd just tell him that you don't see him romantically but you enjoyed his company for the two dates.... you don't owe anyone anything x

Hi X
It was very nice to meet you recently but I have to be honest that there just wasn’t a spark for me/the right chemistry *. Thank you for a lovely date and best wishes for the future.

*choose your preference

Or any of these (you have to scroll down a bit):

goodmenproject.com/featured-content/10-ways-to-turn-down-a-second-date/

You're a great guy, but unfortunately I'm just not feeling there's a spark there and would hate to lead you on. I've really enjoyed meeting you and wish you all the best for the future.

Thanks for your replies :)

I still haven’t messaged him. I’m still unsure about what to say (even though you’ve all been really helpful - thank you!!) I really, really don’t want to come across as patronising or anything like that. I just feel so nervous about it. I don’t want him to hate me

I think if you keep leaving it you might as well be ghosting. Just get it over with then he can move on and you don’t have it hanging over you.

Dear God, how can people get to their mid-20s and not work out how to let someone down gently, especially if they've been online dating.

We've given you some perfectly good words to use and you still won't use them. You really need to get a bit of a grip, otherwise dating ain't gonna be much fun but just you totally stressing about how to converse.

This is what ghosting was invented for

Ghosting is cruel.

Personally I hate that word spark.

I have said before something like, it was lovely to meet you but I don't feel the need to meet up again. Best of luck to you, ....

Whatever you do, get on with it!

I didn’t really fancy him that much and during both times that we met, it seemed that we didn’t have that much in common [...] Of course, neither of these things on their own is a be-all-and-end-all.

I disagree. Not being attracted to someone is pretty much the be-all-and-end-all.

It's not patronising to tell someone that you're not interested in them romantically. It's kind, and basic good manners.

If he's a decent person, he won't mind you saying no, especially if you are clear. And if he's not a decent person and is likely to react badly to you letting him down, he's not the kind of guy you'd want to be in a relationship with anyway.

But he won't hate you. He'll be grateful you were decent and straight with him, in all likelihood. Anyway, why do you care what he thinks? You're never going to see him again.

Personally, I would say something close to what you put in your OP: I've thought about it a lot and I would prefer not to meet up again as I don't think we have much in common. All the best for the future etc.