Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to pay for seat allocation on a short flight

119 replies

PookieDo · 08/04/2018 15:44

This isn’t a thread about the rights or wrongs of seat allocations on flights in general. I want to know if you think AIBU to my 16yo DD.

I have booked a short domestic one hour flight this year with my 2 teenage DC. I got an absolutely grear rock bottom price for return flights within the U.K. I hate flying and have never flown with my DC but they have flown a lot with their father. I can’t afford holidays usually to be honest but I’ve budgeted this one on a small scale. I flew recently a very short flight to see if I could do it at all and although I hated every minute of it (not just anxiety it makes me feel ill) I can probably tolerate it for a short period.

I did not reserve the seats on the plane when I booked because it’s £25 for all 3 of us both ways and it is 1 hour! I think this is a silly extra price that’s only worth it on a long flight or small DC. We will be in the airports longer than we will likely be on the plane. My DD16 thinks that I am being unreasonable, as she might have to sit next to a stranger 🙄 and I think she’s lucky to be going on a holiday and that we might all get lucky at check in/when we board and I can ask that at least the DC sit together. If not then just put headphones in and ignore the stranger next to you.

AIBU?

OP posts:
PookieDo · 08/04/2018 17:38

For anyone who is worried about my DD, she’s had counselling for anxiety before but she wasn’t very keen to engage so I in part do agree that she needs to (gently) learn some life lessons and sometimes we all do things that make us feel a bit uncomfortable. She has actually flown more times in her life than her own mother Blush
Ear plugs are a good idea, thanks

I’m not complaining about the price it was an absolute bargain I was very chuffed to get it!

OP posts:
CuboidalSlipshoddy · 08/04/2018 17:39

A shameless way to get a further few pounds out of us

Or, alternatively, "there's a cheap bare bones service you can have if you just want a seat on a plane, but the price for something approximating a legacy airline is rather more".

When I've looked at flying on RyanAir, by the time I've added up the things I want so I'm comparing the door-to-door prices, it's usually no cheaper than legacy alternatives. For people for whom it is cheaper, great: they get a bargain. For people like me for whom it isn't cheaper, great: it's keeping the other airlines competitive.

MadisonAvenue · 08/04/2018 17:40

I wouldn't pay for a short flight but I think now that I would for long haul.
Up until recently we've never had a problem with not being seated together when flying to the US.
We flew out to there two weeks ago with Virgin and my husband and myself were allocated seats together on check in (I always go online ready for it to open). While on holiday I found out that if you're a member of their Flying Club you can choose your seat 72 hours in advance so I tried and it let me choose mine but not one for my husband, despite the booking being made by me, as he's not a Flying Club member and it would be £30 to reserve a seat for him. We just assumed that he'd be allocated the empty seat next to me. I did my usual and was online ready for check to open for the return flight and he'd actually been allocated a seat 22 rows in front of me! And the seat next to me was still empty.
We were able to swap his seat so that we sat together but had we not checked in online as soon as it opened I very much doubt that we'd have been able to, and there were only single seats remaining at that time.

bigKiteFlying · 08/04/2018 17:41

My DC are a lot younger but are frequently difficult on buses and trains about sitting next to strangers and have even stood for long periods of time because of it. They are slowly overcoming it’s caused by nothing other than their natural shyness.

They see adult family members sitting next to strangers and they’ve met some lovely people who’ve gone out of their way to make them feel comfortable. It’s very slowly getting better though it often adds complications and stress for us on extremely busy trains.

Currently I’d probably pay rather than deal with additional stress – but by 16 I’m not sure I think it would depend how I stressed thought they were by the prospect.

If it's going to be a major source of worry I’d pay rather than over shadow the holiday. First time I flew with DH and IL I was in economy window seat and person in front I later realised had seat quite far back and it triggered my very slight claustrophobia - last few days of the holiday I had a rash and back neck arm pain I get when stressed and couldn’t sleep mainly at thought of flight back.

honeyroar · 08/04/2018 17:43

Could you find something that you all could do with the £25 and get her focused on how not sitting together (possibly) will mean you can do that? I'd also mention it to the crew on boarding. They may not be able to do anything but they will keep an eye on her.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/04/2018 17:49

Looking at it positively, if Ryanair do split you all up, @PookieDo, that means there is every chance that one of the three you will end up sitting next to a woman, so that your dd could swap to that seat - maybe if she thinks about that, it will help quell her anxiety somewhat.

I suffer from anxiety, and I know that, even when you know that your worries are groundless, it is very hard to overcome those intrusive thoughts.

A couple of things that really helped me that I learned during Cognitive Behavioral Therapy were meditative, mindful breathing, and visualisation, and these are both things your dd could practise on her own, and might help her.

With the breathing, you close your eyes, and breath in and out deeply. Focus on each breath - the sensation of the air moving in and out, the movement of the muscles, the rise and fall of your stomach - and just keep on doing that. Thoughts will come into your head - maybe anxieties, maybe just things that are on your mind - don’t worry about them, just acknowledge them, mentally put them to one side, and refocus on the sensations of the breathing.

Visualisation - again, close your eyes, and take some relaxing, deep breaths, like the meditative breathing above. Then think about your anxiety - picture it in your mind (my therapist suggested seeing it as a dark cloud, but I tended to sense it as a feeling of weight in my head - there is no right or wrong here). Once you have that picture, look at what you can do to change it and make it better - if it is a dark cloud, picture it lightening at the edges, with the light gradually eating away the dark until the dark cloud is all light. For me, I visualise the sensation of the weight getting lighter in my head - pressure lifting - and that helps me feel better - less anxious.

Raven88 · 08/04/2018 17:53

It might be good for her to face this fear. I've got GAD and I get really anxious around strangers. But I used to fly alone until I met my husband and I think it helped me gain confidence. An hour is nothing and she could download a film/audiobook and she will be there before she knows it. Make it a teaching moment. Sometimes you have to do something you don't like to get to where you want to be.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 08/04/2018 18:01

It might be good for her to face this fear.

Not on her own on a plane full of people. The person who ends up sitting next to her isn't guaranteed to be sympathetic, and also isn't themselves guaranteed to be a confident flyer.

"AIBU to be extremely upset that I, flying for the first time in years as I am quite frightened of it, had to deal with a sixteen year old in tears next to me because her mother wanted to save a few quid?"

friendshipfloss · 08/04/2018 18:07

I flew with Ryanair last week with my children- 13 year old son & 16 year old daughter. We were all split up as we did not pay extra for allocated seats.

On boarding for the outward journey, the lady seated next to me realised her child was seated next to my daughter 16 rows away. So we simply swapped seats. I thought my daughter would be delighted but actually she was dug in with her kindle etc & was looking forward to a peaceful couple of hours. I never heard the end of it! So on the return flight, when I also had the chance to swap again, I declined!

My son was reseated on both flights as they won't let an under 16 year old sit without a parent.

It was really no problem at all & we all enjoyed the flight. If your daughter really doesn't wish to sit away from you, it is quite possible that you will be able to swap with someone else when you are on the plane. The flight crew were very accommodating.

Want2bSupermum · 08/04/2018 18:15

DH flew Norwegian with DD aged 6 back to Denmark from here in NYC. It's an 8 hour flight and they didn't have two seats together but there were only separated by a row. DH said he boarded the flight with DD and sat her behind him so she could see him. He told her to be on her best behavior.

Well she did great and I've decided to give Norwegian a go this summer. I'm not paying to sit with my kids who will be 7, 5 and 2. I'm going to have them all over the plane and take a break.

OP, on a more serious note, I would be having a talk with her about what she is worried about. It's not normal to be so anxious about being in public spaces like the cinema. Might be worth talking to her GP and getting her someone to talk to.

OriginalGeordie · 08/04/2018 18:26

I suffer from anxiety and have been flying alone since I was 16. I really think your DD needs to face her fears, I understand anxiety more than anyone but in this instance I think YANBU. It’s not like she’s totally alone, you and other DC will be on flight, just maybe not right next to her.

On short flights I never book seats and my kids are 4,11 & 13. I have been split from my older two a couple of times and they just put their head down and read their book.

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 08/04/2018 18:34

@CuboidalSlipshoddy - I'm usually the first one to stand up for Ryanair and the bare basics you pay for.

However when there are rows of empty seats at check in and they purposefully seat you 14 rows apart from a teen so you have to pay to move them how is that not an excuse for taking more money?

If it was automatic it'd just fill the seats up row by row.

MsGameandWatching · 08/04/2018 18:40

I'd pay it because I like my daughter and wouldn't want her to feel anxious while she's flying. I'm not keen on flying even though I do it regularly with minimal fuss, and I prefer to be seated next to someone who cares about me. I don't really care what anyone thinks about that. I was a horribly anxious teen, I am now an assertive and confident-ish adult. It's not something you'll be doing every day is it? Probably one of the last holidays she will come on with you anyway at her age. Help her out.

At 16 she’s classed as an adult. If she can’t act like one on a plane should you really be rewarding that kind of behaviour with a holiday?

Hmm
Evie0865 · 08/04/2018 18:41

Are you kidding me? I lived alone and had a full time job at 16.

MongerTruffle · 08/04/2018 18:44

If it was automatic it'd just fill the seats up row by row.

They don't claim that it's automatic. They have said that unless you pay, they will seat you apart.

PookieDo · 08/04/2018 18:47

I was very grown up at 16 myself and moved out at 18. She’s just not like that. She’s more like 14 in maturity. You can’t alwaya force maturity. Lol I feel like I need to defend her 😂

OP posts:
willynillypie · 08/04/2018 18:51

I can't believe how many people are not paying to sit with their young children (one PP said 2yo!!!) and instead expecting random passengers on the plane to parent their children so they can "get a break" - Wtf!! You can't just dump your kids on someone else because you are tired of being a parent. So selfish and entitled.

MsGameandWatching · 08/04/2018 18:52

Good! Keep on doing that, defending her that is. She will be off in a few years. In the grand scheme of things does paying for this really matter?

PookieDo · 08/04/2018 18:56

No it doesn’t really matter, she thought I was being unreasonable and I thought she was being unreasonable so I thought I would ask for opinions!

OP posts:
lunar1 · 08/04/2018 19:00

I think people are being extremely harsh on your dd. We are all individuals and some people find different things harder than others. Given your own anxiety about flying you really could be more understanding to her feelings.

It doesn't matter that half the posters here were globe trotting alone while still in nappies. They are not your dd and she is telling you this is too much for her.

clarrylove · 08/04/2018 19:01

We never pay to sit together. Fully expect to be split up but sometimes not. My boys are now 8 and 11 but we have flown many times sometimes longhaul and we have been separated. Never an issue. They watch movies and we check in with them multiple times. They are now confident dealing with strangers, my 8yr old just walked up to a waitress and asked where the restrooms are. We are currently in Orlando and have done single rider queues to avoid waiting times too. We compare notes afterwards!

BertieBotts · 08/04/2018 19:39

Ryanair WILL split you up - it's their recent policy. Last flight I went on with them was full of people standing up and going to chat with their mates in the aisles because they'd been seated apart! Barking.

This is why they force you to book seating if you're travelling with younger children - the children get their allocated seat free but the adults have to pay. You can't allocate a child's seat without allocating an adult's one either, so at least one adult is forced to pay for seat booking. At least it saves arguments about people being seated away from small children, but it does mean with teens you have to make the choice, and it's not a gamble with Ryanair any more, it's not done in a systematic way, it works that way on other airlines but they specifically make it less comfortable because they know that people will then be more likely to add the seat booking.

I think you can do allocated seating for some but not all of the party if that works for you. I think asking her to contribute or cover the cost of the seat booking portion would be fair, as it's her preference and the rest of you don't mind.

GreenTulips · 08/04/2018 19:42

You can't just dump your kids on someone else because you are tired of being a parent

Well yes you can

I love all the 'you most pay' people where they assume that all your party will be sat next to each other when in reality it's quite possible you can have a 2 year old on the end - and no nobody expects you to deal with them - but you aren't immune to single children in flights.

They may not have been able to pay due to last remaining seats or couldn't afford it or like me refuse to pay extras on short haul flights

You would complain if you were on a bus at being split up and the journey time being the same. So why all the fuss about a flight??

Crunchymum · 08/04/2018 19:49

So you know your daughter is anxious and young for her age, but you won't pay to sit together? Nice!

Only on MN does parenting seem to end with your child hits 16 on the nose.

My kids are younger but I'm pretty sure if my DD is an anxious person and young for her age, then I'd pay to sit with her.

Booboostwo · 08/04/2018 19:50

By the by I have the same problems with motion sickness as you do and Dramamine is a great help. It does make me very drowsy though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread