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Original poster

Found out something on fb...

32 replies

Misslu · 08/04/2018 13:02

Last night whilst browsing fb a post popped up that my mum posted on a health page that she is on. It says that she is currently undergoing tests to find out if she has leukaemia.

She hasn’t told me anything about this and we are generally very very close, speak daily and see each other most days. However she is also quite private about health issues.

My question is I don’t know how to move forward with this, she obviously doesn’t know I’ve seen this and isn’t very tech savvy at all.

I’m devastated about this but i haven’t told anyone due to how to found out about it.

Should I tell her I know or just wait for her to tell me about it.

OP posts:
Emma198 · 08/04/2018 13:04

If you're close I would ask her directly. If she's not telling anyone she'll probably want to delete her post and as you're so close to her you probably owe it to her to let her know others can see it, as well as of course letting her know you want to be there for her.

JazzHotBaby · 08/04/2018 13:07

I would tell her, for no other reason than that by posting this and Facebook has showed it to you, it may have shown it to a LOT more of her FB friends. If she's private about health matters wouldn't she want the option to remove her post? It may be better for it to come from you if you're close than it is if other friends started messaging her about her illness.

Sparklesocks · 08/04/2018 13:10

It might be that she doesn’t want to worry you until she has the results and is trying to protect you and the family until then.

I would gently bring it up with her and let her know the group posts are public on fb, be supportive and encouraging but also prepared that she might not be willing to talk about it.

KirstenRaymonde · 08/04/2018 13:12

I’m very close to my mum too, if this happened to me I would outright ask her about it, and also to explain how closed and open Facebook groups work. I hope everything is ok with your mum Flowers

SomeKnobend · 08/04/2018 13:12

Yes ask her, and let her know those posts are visible to everyone on her friends list as it sounds like she hasn't realised this and wouldn't want that.

Original poster
Misslu · 08/04/2018 13:12

Selfishly I also feel really angry and hurt that I read something like this on Facebook. Which I know is completely unfair but I just didn’t expect to be browsing and read something like that. It has knocked me for six.

OP posts:
KirstenRaymonde · 08/04/2018 13:12

Not all group posts are public, many are closed so only members can see posts

Aoifeaye · 08/04/2018 13:13

You should speak to her. Tell her it popped up on your Facebook feed. If it was me I would text my mum and tell her what I'd seen and ask if she was ok. I think texting might be easier, give her a chance to take in that you've seen it in private. Also I'm just awkward on the phone about talking about this kind of thing. You can also give her advice about how to stay private on Facebook. She might be able to change her settings so her posts don't appear to friends like that.

Sorry op, must have been quite a shock for you to find out that way. Flowers

LimonViola · 08/04/2018 13:17

I would respect her privacy and her decision not to tell you yet. There's every chance that you going in and telling her what you saw will make the situation even worse for her and leave her feeling even worse than she already does.

Sometimes in life we have to suck up feeling upset or worried for the sake of those we love, who in this situation is going through an even more difficult time than you. This is one of them. Keep quiet until she's ready.

MrsJayy · 08/04/2018 13:17

She probably doesn't realise how her Fb settings work she would probably be horrified you can see what she put in the group, I would mention that you saw her group page and maybe she will tell you,

pinkflamingo121318 · 08/04/2018 13:18

My grandad has recently had tests for cancer. I only found out once they came back clear.
My mum found a lump a while ago and I only found out once she knew everything was okay.
My assumption would be that she didn't want to worry you.

But if I read something like that - I would have to tell her that I'd seen it because of her comment.. preferably in person so you can show her how to keep things private on Facebook and it seems a very delicate subject, so in person is always better.

Original poster
Misslu · 08/04/2018 13:18

I am seeing her later for lunch but I won’t bring it up in front of the whole family.

We are very close but it is also very much she sees me as a child still and not her adult daughter is very protective of my feelings so it makes it even more difficult.

OP posts:
dayandnightshapes · 08/04/2018 13:21

Tbh I would go and speak to her early and let her know she's not alone and you want to help. What a worrying secret to carry around all this time.
I understand how hard it is to find this out on fb. Hope you and your mum can work it out and help each other

Zaphodsotherhead · 08/04/2018 13:25

Well that's weird. Surely anything health related should only be discussed in a 'closed group'? Otherwise she runs the risk of being bombarded with adverts for alternative treatments, life insurance, will making services etc etc etc.

Why would she be discussing this sort of thing in a 'general' group? Does she not realise?

MrsJayy · 08/04/2018 13:26

Don't be too upset it is sometimes easier to say stuff to a bunch of strangers than loved ones your mum just needed that "stranger" support because if she told you then she would have your worry to deal with Iyswim

Original poster
Misslu · 08/04/2018 13:28

It was posted on a page related to another health issue she has which was posted by them under her name which she then commented on when someone replied. I’m not sure why it came up on my timeline probably because I generally like all of her posts.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 08/04/2018 13:31

Just say to her, 'Mum, there was something you posted on fb which all your friends can see and I'm not sure if you want them to.' Then tell her what you saw and if she doesn't want to talk about it, respect her privacy but let her know you're there for her and you want to help if you can.

Tell her that you can handle it, she doesn't have to hide it from you. Help her change her fb settings if she wants you to.

reallyreallyreallytired · 08/04/2018 13:35

Is anyone else at lunch going to have seen it too? It may be a awkward lunch for you all

Cherrypieface123 · 08/04/2018 13:37

How can the tests take so long? With my relative it was known within the day.

Dailymailisshite · 08/04/2018 13:41

What a shame you saw the notification. Im sure your Mum will tell you properly in her own time but please dont ask her about it before then.

She has her own reasons for not telling you about the tests and it is kinder to allow her that space.

LoniceraJaponica · 08/04/2018 13:51

But Dailymail I think she needs to understand that other people can see what she has written. Especially if she doesn't want them to know.

NerrSnerr · 08/04/2018 13:56

I think the issue is that the OP’s mum needs to know that others on her friends list may have seen this too. I would quietly mention it before lunch.

Original poster
Misslu · 08/04/2018 14:36

I know from the post she gets results on Wednesday I’m not sure when the tests took place.

I think another reason for possible secrecy is we had had some other news about another very close family member this week which has deveststed the whole family. With this she has been very open telling me all the details.

I’m crossing everything that this is just a scare

OP posts:
Elephant17 · 08/04/2018 15:09

Oh Op I do hope she’s ok. I’m in a similar boat with my own mum, she’s always secretive about health concerns and I’ve told her before that it upsets me and I’d like her to be open with me so I can be there for her.

I found something out recently and persuaded her to tell my sister about it too, we’re waiting for the results at the moment. Sad

I think you should tell her you know x Flowers

burnoutbabe · 08/04/2018 15:09

you still need to tell her that you are seeing her posts to X group and she may want to hide them.

you don;t need to say you saw THAT specific post.