To not study for dream job?

[CollyWombles]

I have the opportunity to go to university and complete three year course that will enable me to become a fully qualified counsellor.

I have wanted to be a counsellor for ten years and have been waiting for my children to be older.

The problem I have in the last 5 years I've unfortunately had two severe depressive episodes requiring medication to recover from.

Although I am better the chances of relapses are high unfortunately and I don't feel I can work as a counsellor now.

All I can think of is having vulnerable clients relying on their appointments and me unable to function because of a relapse.

I can't be a counsellor can I? No matter how much I've wanted to be. AIBU?

I don’t know enough about it to offer real advice but I would say no, sorry. That aside, I have to talk to people in different professions and 9 times out of 10 if someone calls me stressed or panicked they are doing a counselling or therapy course. (9 times out of 10 if they are nasty or horrible they are doing a Yoga course).

I wouldnt give up completely. You wanted this before you got depression. I think you need to think about what might trigger a relapse whilst studying and how you could minimise the chances of that happening and how you could minimise the effects.

How much is there left of your course to complete?

Why not complete the course so you’ve done it, THEN decide what - if anything- you decide to do with it.

You may find that seeing it through to the end will give you a sense of achievement which will help strengthen you from the risk of falling ill again.

Finding out what you don’t want to do is as helpful to you as finding out there’s something you do want to do.

You have choices in life, it’s ok to change your mind, but seeing something through will be a positive for you I feel.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

To clarify I haven't started the course yet. I've been accepted and was well when I applied but had a small relapse after illness that shook me up and made me think twice.

I don't have triggers for the depressive episodes, unfortunately it's likely genetic as such as both anxiety and depression run right through one side of my family, along with alcoholism which I believe is a coping mechanism.

I do however know how to help myself and I know things can help make it more mild or moderate by eating, drinking and sleeping enough.

I just think it's a job where vulnerable people can come to rely on you so if you know there may come a time you may not be able to work, it's an irresponsible decision to do the job in the first place.

I have no idea what to do instead, for so long I've just focussed on counselling. When I had my interview for the course. I was asked why I wanted to be a counsellor. I said it wasnt a want as such, it's just what I've always believed I should be.

I suffer from depression. Sometimes the only thing that gets me up and about is the responsibility of HAVING to do things work related. I've never ever felt worse in myself for having to do so, without the responsibility I would stay at home isolated. Could you make the responsibility of your job/clients work for you?

It's hard to say really, depending on how severe a relapse is. The first time I was unwell, I couldn't do barely anything, it took 3 months of seeing the mental health team every day to convince me I was a real person and another 3 months of antidepressants before I could even leave the house. Over a year to recover, thankfully a lot of which is hazy now.

The second time, I recognised the relapse fairly quickly and went back on antidepressants so it lasted about 8 weeks, the first two off work due to the start up of the antidepressants.

The third time I was suddenly physically ill and had about a week of depression/anxiety but still on antidepressants so once the illness went, I was pretty much back to normal.

On paper, I suppose I could say that each relapse I have had has been less severe each time due to medication and coping mechanisms I have learned but I can't assume that will always be the case.

Well equally you might never have another relapse. If you can recognise your symptoms and get help quickly, coupled with actively preventing it with self care, why should you have a relapse?

I wonder if you could test the waters first by doing something similar on a smaller scale. Are there any charities that offer training to volunteers?

How much therapy have you had so far?

I know my therapist had years of her own, as well as whilst training that meant she knows her own triggers and issues well enough to manage mine.

Well, you don't actually have to do a 3 year course to call yourself a counsellor. "Counsellor" is not a protected title. People can call themselves counsellors having done a course lasting only a few weeks. So while of course a lengthier more in depth training is better, you could still "be" one by doing a much briefer training.

I know many people who have become counsellors after (and often because of) traumatic life events. Counselling for yourself is a requirement for the course. Are you able to have a frank discussion with the course leaders about whether it would be suitable?

Can you stay on antidepressants? I’ve been on them twice in my life after depressive episodes but I have a friend who is on them permanently and that works well for her. It sounds like given yours is less situational depression (unlike mine) then the antidepressants might be effective as a long term solution?