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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect my 4 year old to sit quietly for an hour

84 replies

Soph88 · 08/04/2018 11:11

All I wanted was to watch the big questions. It's a debate show so need to be able to hear it. She was colouring for a bit (perfect), then started harassing the cat, then the singing started! I tried asking nicely and bribery. I then threatened sending her to her room. I reckon added up she managed 20 mins of being quiet in total.
She just couldn't manage to sit quietly for me and I feel a bit like I was expecting too much from her.
Would you expect a 4 yo to sit for a hour quietly (with toys, colouring etc)?

OP posts:
Original poster
Soph88 · 08/04/2018 11:33

Honestly I wasn't mean to her, by threatened to send her to her room all I meant was I said 'could you go play in your room, while mummy watches this?' And I responded to her when she asked questions etc. She told me I didn't have any best friends! That was mean!

OP posts:
FlaviaAlbia · 08/04/2018 11:34

DS could probably manage sitting and playing for an hour, but not quietly!

Lizzie48 · 08/04/2018 11:35

There's no way on earth DD1 would have been quiet that long, DD2 would have been capable if she was absorbed in what she was doing. I do think you were unreasonable to threaten to send her to her room, though.

I certainly wouldn't find it difficult as an adult, I would just go away and read a book. Bliss actually. Smile

Laiste · 08/04/2018 11:36

DD1 would've easily.
DD2 nope.
DD3 yes, but very grumpily and with a lot of bribing.
DD4 .. ha ha - not even 10 minutes.

Crispbutty · 08/04/2018 11:36

Most 4yo that I know would happily play in their room with toys for an hour.

Saracen · 08/04/2018 11:36

No way would my older child have been quiet for an hour at the age of four. The younger one would.

So if you have looked at other people's kids and noticed they can do it and yours can't, that may be contributing to unrealistic expectations on your part.

SoyDora · 08/04/2018 11:37

My 4 year old is very well behaved, loves colouring/crafts etc but even she’d struggle being quiet for an hour. I wouldn’t really ask it TBH.

ThisBabyIsAnOctopus · 08/04/2018 11:37

Wow completely unrealistic. DS (almost 5) could probably manage 20mins if I put cartoons on but otherwise can't stay still or quiet for a second!

swingofthings · 08/04/2018 11:37

Some 4 yo are naturally calm and can occupy themselves easily, others are not. What very very few 4yo are capable of is to be quiet, self-contained, able to entertain themselves WHEN IT SUITS YOU.

If you want an hour for yourself for whatever reason, you need to plan it. You need to explain it to the child first, let them know when it will be (after lunch, after nap etc...) and the lay out the activities they can do. Even then, some kids will do fine, others are not able to, it doesn't make the latter less of a good kid than the former, kids have different natural abilities.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/04/2018 11:39

She told me I didn't have any best friends! That was mean!

Who is the child here? You sound very immature. Stropping because you can't watch your programme in peace then the comment above.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 08/04/2018 11:39

Totally unrealistic. Record it or watch it on catch up when she's in bed, like the rest of us.

TheUbercornMum · 08/04/2018 11:42

I have a 4 year old who is good at entertaining herself but wouldn't expect her to do it for an hour. I'll get a request to play or she'll want interaction. Same with all her friends. I think it's quite usual ime. I have to admit I wouldn't try and watch a programme for an hour though because I know it wouldn't go well!

SoyDora · 08/04/2018 11:45

I don’t bother putting the TV on unless they’re in bed. If it was on in the day it would just become irritating background noise because no one would be watching it properly.

PussCatTheGoldfish · 08/04/2018 11:45

When I have to have my DC at work the only thing that keeps them quiet is being plugged into a tablet and headphones. They're 7&8 now.
The only other thing that keeps them that quiet is mischief!

When they were smaller snacks sometimes worked but never for an hour.

XiCi · 08/04/2018 11:46

I think that when you have very young children you have to accept that the days of being able to spend an uninterrupted hour doing something are over, a 4 year old requires some level of interaction and of looking after. If you want time to yourself as pp has said then plan it, ask your dp to take her out for an hour etc. If I have something I particularly want to watch I record and watch when they are in bed or out.

Original poster
Soph88 · 08/04/2018 11:46

@DannyLaRuesBestFrock I was joking! But I wouldn't condone my child telling anyone they didn't have any friends it's not nice and I correct that behaviour.

OP posts:
DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/04/2018 11:48

Sounds like a hoot round at your house 🙄

Original poster
Soph88 · 08/04/2018 11:51

Got it don't expect her to sit quietly, I'll ask my DH to entertain her while I watch it. My mum and I like to discuss it at Sunday dinner which is why I like to watch it in the morning.

OP posts:
echt · 08/04/2018 11:52

Why don't you catch up on the programme via iPlayer?

XiCi · 08/04/2018 11:54

The no friends thing sounds like a 4 year olds way of lashing out at you after you've been on and on at her to shut up for an hour. I've still no idea why you couldn't have played with your child and watched your tv when she was in bed.

echt · 08/04/2018 11:55

Should have said some four year-olds can sit quietly for an hour, but to expect it is not reasonable.

kateandme · 08/04/2018 11:55

i quit like the idea of pp of doing the ame to her whilst she watching her favourite.this I think will show her and help her learn more than telling or being angry at the time might.a simple "this Is how annoying it is when we talk over people shows!"i think my dc at 4 would listen and learn from this. for one of my program at least then go back to norm I'm sure :)

Barbie222 · 08/04/2018 11:55

Maybe that kind of thing is what you need to save for your adult time, you can usually watch these things on iplayer later. I'd gently suggest that you need to reassess how much time you can reasonably get to yourself for the next few years.

XiCi · 08/04/2018 11:57

Cross post re recording the programme. So your DH was there all that time? Why on earth didn't he just entertain her for a bit if the programme is that important to you

Gruach · 08/04/2018 11:57

The thing is - you set the TV up as a rival for your attention. So she had absolutely no incentive to do anything but oppose you.

But I can’t imagine a four year old sitting quietly for an hour anyway. That’s like a week to a grown person.

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