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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to be disappointed about anniversary

15 replies

ringbinder99 · 08/04/2018 10:49

Been with OH for 7 years - our anniversary of meeting was last week. We were on holiday, which was a xmas pressie from him. He was fully aware of the date - he said at xmas that was why he booked it for those days. We went to Paris for a couple of days. It was beautiful.
On the actual day of our anniversary we went up the Eiffel Tower - total cliché I know, but I was hoping for 'that' question....it never happened :(
I suppose I could have asked him....but to me that is not right. So anyway, down we came, went off for a nice meal, another opportunity which just passed by.
I truly enjoyed my holiday with him, but aibu in feeling disappointed that it was only a holiday and there was no hoped for proposal?

OP posts:

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 08/04/2018 10:55

What does he say when you discuss marriage? Do you and he have the same goals?

To be honest, you are a grown-up. If you want to get married, discuss it with him, make plans, make sure that he is on the same page as you with regard to your future. If you want it to be more romantic, plan a proposal and propose to him.

Otherwise, just carry on hoping and being disappointed, I guess. If you’re not prepared to do anything other than wait for him to ask you, that’s all you can do.

TittyGolightly · 08/04/2018 11:01

On the actual day of our anniversary we went up the Eiffel Tower - total cliché I know, but I was hoping for 'that' question....it never happened sad
I suppose I could have asked him....but to me that is not right.

YABU. It’s 2018.

seven201 · 08/04/2018 11:08

You need to discuss it with him. He's a bit of an idiot for taking you up the Eiffel Tower on your anniversary and not realising that you might be thinking there could be a proposal. Maybe he just doesn't ever want to get married; you won't know until you talk to him about it.

g1itterati · 08/04/2018 11:08

If you are disappointed, then you are just that, so nobody can say YABU.

Has he ever mentioned marriage at all? I agree it would have been a lovely opportunity for him to propose and don't listen to the inevitable posters who will tell you to get a grip and propose to him because this is not the point. If you've known him for 7 years, you must have some idea what he's thinking?

LeighaJ · 08/04/2018 13:44

Unless you both were very young when you first met Or didn't start dating until a few years after first meeting, then after 7 years of dating I'm sorry to say that he's likely not interested in marrying you or he would have proposed already.

I have personal experience with that from a past relationship, don't waste your life (and/or youth) on someone who doesn't want the same things you do or want you as much as you want them.

CookPassBabtridge · 08/04/2018 14:19

Have you actually talked about it? And why is it not right for you to propose? I don't understand these threads from women who expect presents and proposals from men who either a) don't know you want that or b) know you want it but aren't that type of person and you know this. It's just a sure way to disappointment. Woman up and propose yourself!

Dozer · 08/04/2018 14:21

How old are you, do you have DC, and have you previously discussed marriage?

Dozer · 08/04/2018 14:22

Unless you have previously been vehemently and vocally anti marriage, his actions on your anniversary were really dense at best!

NoHunsHereHun · 08/04/2018 14:34

I know how you feel OP, DH and I had a few 'perfect' occasions that never happened. When he did eventually propose it was after his run home from work, sweaty, in our kitchen. It was still lovely. This was after 9 years together. OP have you ever discussed it? I never pushed for it or made a big deal because I wouldn't want to nag a man into marriage, but we had talked a few times about it before.

Original poster

ringbinder99 · 10/04/2018 09:54

Have discussed it with him some time ago. He said the time had to be right. this was maybe a year or 2 ago?

Not in the first flush of youth either of us, no DC.

Lots of friends recently engaged/married. We even walked through Hatton Garden about a year ago (not intentionally, we took a wrong turn trying to find a particular pub!) so had a look at the rings and he asked what I would go for if I could choose, but was utterly appalled at some of the prices! I didn't choose expensive ones - but showed him the colours I liked, and the shapes.

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 10/04/2018 09:59

I think you need to let the disappointment of the holiday go.

But act on what it is telling you. Marriage is important to you, so you need to find out whether he is thinking of marriage at all. Saying 'when the time is right' (unless very young) is more likely to be a fob-off than anything else.

When you know what he's thinking, you then need to decide if you're happy with that, and can genuinely go forward into that future. Or if it is time to seek a different path in life.

Dozer · 10/04/2018 10:00

How old are you? If in your 30s, you want DC and to be married first suggest raising the issue and deciding if you’re prepared to stick around if marriage (NOT just engagement) isn’t what he now wants.

RoseRuby26 · 10/04/2018 13:41

How old are you? I remember feeling very jealous when friends got engaged. I waited too. We did discuss engagements but I'm glad I didn't go OTT with him as it was important to me that he felt ready. Are you wanting to start a family in the future?

Allthewaves · 10/04/2018 13:44

Yabu. Sit down and talk wih him about marriage.

OakIsBetterTho · 10/04/2018 13:49

My first instinct is that he simply doesn't want to marry you he fobbed you off before and seems to be just leading you up th garden path with regards to trying on rings etc. Not very fair. You need to have a frank conversation with him and see exactly how he wishes to proceed with your relationship.

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