To wonder if anyone has built a cooperative household

[Justanotherzombie]

It’s on here and in real life all the time. Mums treated like slaves to everyone else. I was terrible myself and as a teen would actively sabotage my mums request for help like an entitled brat. I don’t want this style of house in future. My DH is well meaning but works 24/7 so we've fallen into the traditional roles. I’ve 4 small kids so they are very labour intensive at the moment but I really want to train them up to be functioning members of the family. AIBU to think nobody has managed to create a family environment where all members see their own responsibility to running the daily life of the family?

What I’m trying to do with the kids now is teach them to do things independently, even if they make a mess. Then they have to clean the mess they make themselves. Also, I try not to do everything for them so even though it’s easier to pick up their coat, I call them back and interrupt them to do it themselves. I also try to talk them through and get them to explain to me the steps needed at various points in the day where they have responsibility to do things so that they can start to think for themselves.

It feels like a relentless task and it’s so much easier to do things myself but I’d be shooting myself in the foot. Has anyone achieved a cooperative house with children that pitch in without being told? How did you do it? I had a friend when little and always noticed how cooperative and respectful they were in their house where I expected my mum to do everything.

But there has been substantial training of kids. Everyone has to know how to do everything and everyone plays to their strengths at crunch time.

My approach to this is, while they're young, never make housework seem like a chore. Put on good music. Get them to have fun with feather dusters or with jay cloths tied to their feet to mop the floor. Have a time (Saturday morning) when everyone in the house does 30 mins housework - stripping beds, sorting laundry, bit of hoovering etc. That's 2 hours work in half an hour if four people muck in.
I never iron for DC unless they're off on a trip. They do their own ironing. Same for DH. he knows how to do it. I sew for them because they all have massive rugby-player sized fingers and can't thread needles, but everything else can be done by anyone.

We started with tasks when they were young. We have a cleaner twice a week so they haven’t had to clean but learn that the cleaner can’t clean if it’s not tidy. We’ve always worked ft so we’re out of the house all day (less chance to mess up). Toys were always confined to the playroom which had lots of storage. Everything was labeled- a picture when they were too young to read - so everyone knew where things were to go.

DT’s shared a bathroom- a nightmare when they were teenagers- but towels always had to go on the rail or into the laundry basket. Beds always made and changed on the appropriate day. Dishes, glasses etc always in the dishwasher after each meal.

They are at Uni now and looking back, didn’t have much to do around the house but it helped, was non negotiable and there was no reward for doing their tasks.

Watching with interest as I married a man whose mum did absolutely everything, he had a surprise when we moved in together.

My 7 and 3 year old empty the dishwasher and take their plates out, put dirty clothes in a basket and tidy up when asked. It’s a work in progress to do other bits though