To ask for some much needed reassurance

[Babybrainisreal]

Firstly, I know that my extremely sleep deprived state is making me not think quite as rationally as normal. However, I am due to return to work from maternity leave in July and the thought of leaving DD is making me so anxious I want to throw up.

My experience with my children couldn’t be more different really. DS was happy to be left with people other than me, by which I mean if I left the room. He was not left completely with me leaving the house until he was around 7 months as a preparation for returning to work but again he was very happy to be left. He has an amazing bond with his Nanna, they both love each other dearly and it is lovely to see.
At this point I feel like it is worth noting that he was bottle fed as we just couldnt get away with breastfeeding.

DD on the other hand, who is exclusively breastfed (unsure if this is relevant to be honest or whether it’s just her personality) will scream if I so much as leave the room.
She hasn’t had the same opportunity to bond with Nanna because DS is quite demanding of her attention. Now obviously I realise that it is normal and natural for a child to be attached to their main care giver but unfortunately I do have to leave her to return to work.

I am so so worried that she will just cry the whole time that I am away from her at work and hate to think of her being in distress. I actually really can’t imagine leaving her. She cries when her Nanna even just speaks to her most of the time 😫
Please throw some positive stories at me and put my poor sleep deprived, anxious brain at ease a bit 😫

Have you tried to leave her? For longer than it would be expected for her to calm down?
I would try to take your eldest out for an hour leaving the baby. Just go to a local park close by and if after half an hour baby is screaming nana can ring you and you can return. If not great.

I agree with hiding. You may just need to leave her, to give her a chance to "get over it".

Sorry, I dont have any stories as DS loves everyone, even complete strangers lol

I'd definitely consider doing what nightgarden suggests, and do a few 'dry-runs' of leaving DD with nana between now and July when you're thinking of returning to work - that's several months to get DD starting to be used to time with other family members. Staying somewhere close by, means you can easily get back to her.

Babies are extremely adaptable, it just needs time. Also it will make you feel less under pressure starting with this regime early, so you can get used to it too. If there a few false starts, no worries, leave it a day or two and keep trying!

The other thing is you don’t say how old your dd is, but July is a lifetime away for her right now. I remember getting to a few months before going back and thinking “oh god it’s nearly here” but your dd will change hugely in the next few months. She may well be going through a separation anxiety stage that will naturally improve as she gets older.

Agree though that leaving her for a while with her Nanna (if that who will be looking after her) so that they can both get used to Nanna calming her down and soothing her would be a good idea. Will give you confidence as well, and what sounds like some much-needed one-to-one time with your ds.

This time is so precious. Trust yourself and your dd and her Nanna that it will be fine. You have to go back to work, that’s how it is, she’ll be with someone who loves her and will take great care of her.

Thanks so much for everyone’s reply. DD is 4 months old now. I actually haven’t left her for long (leaving the house) because she breastfed on demand. This is something else that I am going to have to address. We have tried bottles with her but she mostly just chews the teat. I’m not sure if i’m being naive presuming that when she starts on solids she won’t need so much milk and if she’s really hungry she would drink from a bottle?! But again that’s something that’s not going to be great for her if it’s just a wham! See you later i’m off to work you’re with Nanna and here’s your bottle!
So yes I think leaving her and maybe just even popping out for a little while is going to be a good idea. For both of us!

She cries when left with DH too. I went in the bath the other day and had to listen to her screaming downstairs. So relaxing 😫

My eldest was exactly the same! Wouldn't be left with anyone and wouldn't take bottles. Around 9/10 months we suddenly hit a light bulb moment. She still wasn't happy with other people (if strangers cooed over her she'd scream. Even now at 4 she just turns her face to my leg!) but I could leave her with nanny and she began to take a bottle.
There is a light at the end!

When you want to start introducing a bottle, try mimbie bottles. The teat is designed so baby uses the same sucking motion as when breastfeeding. Saves a lot of anguish (for everyone!)

Like others have said it's still early days and she will change a lot over the next few months. You need to get her used to being with other people (Nanna). That can start by then holding baby with you close by. Then gradually move further away. Into next room. Upstairs. In the garden. Out. Gradually for longer and longer periods of time.

And finally you'll have to go for it. It's incredibly rare for a child to scream all day. Normally they fall asleep or just get distracted.

She will be fine. You have plenty of time. X

My two were both ebf and both exactly like this. I tell myself it is a sign of a good survival instinct! Don't forget she will still nap a large part of her day by July and will have started eating so her dependency on you will be less. it is completely heart wrenching but you have to remind yourself you are doing what is best for your family as a whole and she will never remember these days! Xx

Should add my youngest would never ever take a bottle but was using a sippy cup by 6 months so between that and food was fine all day. He had a big bf morning and evening and made up for any missing nutrition overnight (not so good for me but needs must!) She won't go without x

One of mine was very distressed when left. Most people would hand him back to me & focus on his twin, or do a half hearted 'I know Im not mummy but...' comfort. We have a young family friend who was just determined to comfort him herself and would throw 100% into distracting him. Singing, jiggling, lets look at this. My boy who wouldnt be left with anyone else just lit up when she arrived. I know my husband felt a bit rejected at the time, so almost assumed he wasnt enough but once he saw it could be done he gained confidence.

Family friend worked in childcare so I dont know if that helped.

I’d seen the minbie bottles but have read mixed reviews. I might give them a go though. Worth a shot. Although as someone else has mentioned above I could always just go over to a cup at 6 months if she will take that better.

I have been discussing with DH this morning and we have decided to trial leaving her with him and build up to leaving with Nanna. I’m sure it will be fine. I just like to worry 😔