To be upset about losing friends

[Tomboytown]

So this week has been the most traumatic week. Serious life/death situation.
And some people just haven't even text me.
I know they know

On top of all the 'friends' that haven't bothered with me since my husband died.

Fuck em all.
You really learn who your friends are

You're right, you really do learn who your real friends are at times like those.

I've been there OP.

Fuck em'! Maybe in time you will find better friends. Hope you're ok

Sorry you’ve had such a difficult time OP
It’s true what they say, it’s the hard times when you really learn who your friends are. It’s not nice when people aren’t there for you, but hopefully the ones that are will be in your life for a long time.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP
In certain circumstances you really learn who your friends are

How awful for you OP, I agree you really do find out who your true friends are when bad things happen.
I hope that you get all the support you need, you will definitely get it from here.

- sorry for your loss, OP.

Know how you feel.

Wishing you well.

It's tough to find out at your lowest point that the people you thought were friends just aren't

I had this when I had cancer - such a shock with some of them. My friendship profile changed dramatically from then - I just cut out the ones who didn't show up. Felt great actually to get rid of the dross. I know that the ones left are true friends I'm so grateful for.

I'm sorry you're going through it op

I understand where you're coming from. I was saddened at how selfish/disinterested people were when me and my husband went through tough times - two parent deaths etc. Tough times can bring out the gems in your life but unfortunately show how awful some people can be :-( I hope you'll be ok. x

Sorry you've had a traumatic week and totally agree with other's that sometimes when you need friends the most, they are just not there.

I can't understand it either and have been in your shoes so know firsthand what it's like to be on the receiving end, but sorry, don't have any answers.

I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time. I hope things feel easier for you soon.

But I just want to say in defence of the 'crap' people. In most cases, it's probably NOT that they don't care. It's much more like they don't know what to say/are scared of saying the wrong thing or, possibly have parallel things going on in their lives. Try not to judge them too harshly, when people don't know what to say, they often decide the safest option is to say and do nothing. I'd urge you not to punish them by cutting them out - they might step up later. Just note why works for you at this point so you can do it for others later.

I've been there and it can be quite devastating to find out people you considered good friends, just aren't. But on the positive side, which of course you won't find for a while, friends abandoning you in times of need does make you stronger and more resilient. You learn how to deal with things yourself.

I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time and that you’re finding out this way that your friends aren’t really friends.
Hope things get better soon.

@Tomboytown I'm so very sorry to hear about the horrible time you are having. Perhaps some of them might find it difficult to know what to say? Not an excuse I know... 🙁 Have a hug from me 💐💐💐

It is a hard lesson in life that those we think of as friends or even relatives sometimes let us down when we really need them. We need to take note and act accordingly

I know particularly when someone dies people don't know what to say, I do understand that.
There were 200 people at my husbands funeral, I can count on one hand the people who have been in touch since. It's been 4 years, I think that's been enough time to realise that they're not going to step up.

On the flip side, this week we have been blown away by the support and help from complete strangers. Faith in humanity restored. Just some friends can't be arsed to say 'thinking or you' or 'how are you'.

I’m sorry for your loss. It must be hell for you just now. I hope you receive help on here as I know it’s a good forum when people need help.
As a society we do not discuss death and dying enough and sometimes it is just a case of people not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing. I hope some friends are being supportive and there for you but usually people are not and it’s sad.

'Not knowing what to say' is (imho) a lame excuse....these people only have to put themselves in the other person's shoes and realise there are times in everyone's life when we 'should' do things that aren't easy. It's part of life, part of a friendship and more importantly, something that 'true' friends would do and anything less is a cop-out.

OP I really wouldn't expect them to come forward after 4 yrs...having been through the same, although more years have passed, and truly nobody has ever stepped up and said anything. However, after a few years, I found a couple tried to pretend to be friends again....really shallow if you ask me and I just smiled, said hello and kept doing what I was beforehand. I can't be two-faced, it's just not me.

You become a bit hardened towards people like that, I would rather someone make a 'small' effort even if they just said 'sorry'....that one word would be convey more than a person who crosses the street when they see you coming.

Again, feel for you as I know it 'does' hurt.

Bollocks to them