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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To chuck out DP's nasty kebab last night?

14 replies

KebabHater · 11/05/2007 10:45

Dp went out and came home in a right state. He had told me the time he would be home from work, and the time he was going out, so that I could have his dinner ready for him. I made quite an effort with the meal but he went out without a thank you and without washing up.

He came home, and despite working this morning, cracked open another beer and sat down with a Kebab. DP is seriously overwieght and won't do anything about it. We had a bit of a row and I tried to chuck the kebab in the bin. I don't know why it made me soo cross, it just seemed so unnecessary when he had been cooked a full meal only a few hours prior to it. I am sick of his unhealthy eating (he had mcd's on Sunday, chicken and chips on Monday, cooked meal by me tues and a pizza on weds). He is currently a size 40 waist and putting on weight all the time.

Upshot of it all was we had a huge row, kebab money given to DP and then kebab chucked in bin (which is what he offered as a compromise - right word???), got really nasty.

OP posts:

LieselVentouse · 11/05/2007 10:48

Not being unreasonable - but I would have eaten it

Original poster

KebabHater · 11/05/2007 10:50

I was still full up from the meal! We still aren't talking this morning. Some really horrible things were said and I still feel really sore.

OP posts:

rabbleraiser · 11/05/2007 10:54

I don't think you did anything that most of us haven't done at some point, KH. If he was trim with a quick metabolism and an active life-style, I sure it wouldn't bother you so much, but that doesn't seem to be case, does it?

And going out without saying thank you or washing up is just plain rude. No, you're not being unreasonable; I'd be pissed off too.

Original poster

KebabHater · 11/05/2007 10:59

He slapped my arm as I tried to take it, which has bruised today. I slapped him back.

OP posts:

sunnysideup · 11/05/2007 11:14

Just don't get into this with him. He is an adult and he has to take responsibility for his own weight and health.

Trying to throw another adult's food away is going to result in this sort of tussle I think.

Just eat well yourself, cook good meals for the family as you obviously already do. What he does is up to him. If he wants to stuff his face with junk then I'm afraid he can.

But you don't have to just take it if you don't like it; tell him you want him to look after his health, that's part of the responsiblity of being a dad and husband. Tell him if he puts on weight you are not buying him clothes again, he can do it himself! Tell him you don't fancy him any more, if you don't!

rabbleraiser · 11/05/2007 11:20

OK. I take it he's at work at the moment. This isn't a nice situation to be in; once a couple start exchanging slaps, it can very quickly degenerate into something worse.

A good chat is what's required. I know that isn't always easy, especially with men, but if he's sensing that you find his increasing weight 'unappealing', he will probably react by making the problem worse.

If you feel up to it (and you don't have to feel up to it), try expressing a mild form of apology when he comes home. You don't have to go overboard ... just a 'sorry about that slap,' but do leave a space for him to apologize back. Tell you you're 'worried' about his weight gain because you love him, and see where it goes from there.

My dh, normally very mild-mannered, has an explosive temper which is difficult for me to gauge. Over the years, I've learned to pull back from the situation, stay calm for a day or so, and get on with the other business of living. Almost without exception, he comes back from it a nicer person than he was before. Men just can't do confrontation!

I hope this helps, if only to reiterate what we all know .... that argument just breeds argument.

.... you've still every right to be cross, though

compo · 11/05/2007 11:23

You can't force him to diet though... he has to be in the right mindset. It's also ontless to start a row with someone who is drunk because it never ends well

powder28 · 11/05/2007 11:29

'(he had mcd's on Sunday, chicken and chips on Monday, cooked meal by me tues and a pizza on weds)'

met a girl on monday, took her for a drink on tuesday, didnt get a shag on wednesday....

Sorry, just reminded me of that song

sunnysideup · 11/05/2007 11:34

I agree, trying to pinch his food when he was drunk was never going to have a good outcome.

Original poster

KebabHater · 11/05/2007 13:29

No in retrospect of course it wasn't going to be the best plan. He knows he needs to loose weight - he is a young man and his blood pressure is stupidly high. We do 'talk' about it and I would say he has an air the 'it has to be done' about the whole thing. His drinking is also out of control atm - has gone through about 3 boxes of 20 beers in 2 weeks.

I'll admit that I am hormonal - I am pregnant with our second child. The reason I also get so upset is because our child is also fed on the same diet as him when I am not around.

I think what has upset me most is his personal attacks at me, I was described as a bitch, whore, most horrible vindictive person he has ever met. That I am stupid and lazy, and that he hates me and has for a long time. He also pointed out that 'even when you are not pg' I am twice as fat as all his friends girlfriends and that people probably gossip about it behind my back. I am below the average UK size for a woman, BTW.

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 11/05/2007 14:23

you are with this man.....sorry, why??

WigWamBam · 11/05/2007 14:28

The last paragraph of your last post would tend to suggest that a row about a kebab is the last of your worries, tbh. Why are you still with him if that's the way he talks to you?

Furrymummy · 11/05/2007 14:33

YABU - you should have shoved it up his arse! .
No seriously, you clearly have some deeper issues, he clearly treated with you with such disrespect, the things he said were uncalled for and deeply hurtful to you.
I really do think you need to re think your relationship, were these things he said in the heat of the moment? Once he's had a chance to calm down then I think you should talk to him and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable. He certainly owes you a huge apology!

chocolattegirl · 11/05/2007 14:45

Personally I'd have thrown the kebab at him if he'd spoken to me like that . If that were me (easy to say) I'd just ignore him, don't cook for him, look after yourself and your DC and let your husband fend for himself, if getting away for a few days to let things cool down isn't an option. It sounds a cop-out but it almost sounds like a cry for help all this junk food/beer he's consuming. Has this started since you became pg again?

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