To leave grumpy teen at home when I go on holiday?

[Lovemusic33]

I know I probably ABU and slightly crazy.

Just been away for a few days with dd’s, I am a single parent and my dd’s Have Aspergers. Dd1 spent most of the week refusing to take part in anything, refusing to get out of the car, refusing to step foot on a beach or walk more than a few yds. She spent a lot of time glued to her phone texting her boyfriend telling him what a rubbish time she was having. Because she refused to do anything her sister also wouldn’t do anything. She was selfish and moody all week.

We have another break booked for the summer holidays and I’m actually tempted not to take her but I have no family that would have her stay with them and her dad hasn’t got space for her. The only option would be for her dad to stay at my house but he would be at work all day so she would be on her own.

Dd is 14, she shows no excitement about going away, prefers to be at home doing nothing.

AIBU to consider leaving her behind?

I think you & DD2 need a holiday.

It’s a shame your Mum wouldn’t move in for the week.

You don’t know any uni students who are responsible enough to stay for the week? Preferably one who has loads of work to do so would be home a lot in the day, just ‘there’ or anyone else in shared accommodation who’d be happy to stay? I was always doing this kind of thing for people when I was younger. If I didn’t have children to look after I’d still be happy to do it now.

But no, you’re not being unreasonable to take her, you just need to work around what her Dad & your Mum and any friends/students etc can do, so she’s not entirely alone for long periods.

💐 it’s tough being a single parent, but beyond tough with two children that have SEN.

Thanks Annie, getting a student in could work. I usually get exh to look after the dog for me so he often stays here when I’m away anyway but having someone live here for a week might be the answer.

I will talk to dd1 and see what she wants to do and will talk to her dad tomorrow. Dd2 is happy to go without her sister and would probably be happier without her. If dd1 does come with us I will have to pick my battles and just leave her in the caravan when she refuses to join in with anything.

Update...
Spoke to her dad and he said she can stay at his girlfriends as she has a spare room, he stays there a few nights a week anyway, he said he could drop her off here during the day if she wants some time at home (with the dog). I just need to discus it with dd1, I feel bad, what if she thinks I don’t want her to come on holiday? I want to give her the option to come but it will be on my terms (that she doesn’t moan and she doesn’t refuse to take part in everything).

I get you need a break but I still feel that it is being harsh leaving your child out of a family holiday. Regardless of how bad she is.

She doesn't want to go tho by the sound of it, seems best all round? She might be happier at home.

Maybe ask her and present it as an option, put it in terms of about her anxiety and which she would prefer...

(that she doesn’t moan and she doesn’t refuse to take part in everything).

Sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure here.

I think at 14 she's still a bit too young to be setting the rules and having everyone else try to arrange themselves around her but you know her best.

I odn't have experience of a teen with ASD but I do of a grumpy teen and completely understand why you don't want another precious holiday ruined by someone who doesn't want to be there.

Ds1 was a grumpy teen. Last family holiday he was 14 and said he'd only come along if I didn't force him to do anything which seemed a waste of money.
Since then he stayed with his Dad while me and Ds2 go away and have a ball.

I will present it to her as an option. Obviously in a ideal world I would love for her to come along and enjoy the holiday but if we have a repeat of last week I don’t think I could cope, it’s unfair on her sister who usually enjoys holidays. She may be lest anxious on this trip away as it’s a place we have been several times (not the holiday site but the area) so she knows several places that we can visit, she has her favourite place to eat but she also knows we will be spending time on the beach (which she hates). The choice will be hers but if she comes with us and refuses to do anything she will be left alone in the caravan.