AIBU to punish someone by taking away their birthday?

[Rebecca563]

Ok, so punish is a bit dramatic and taking away is OTt but very torn and desperate for advice...

Tomorrow DS has birthday. I’ve got some little bits, clothes and stuff but spent fair bit on new phone he wants (been saving and it just arrived). However over last few months he’s not covered himself in glory and now I don’t know whether to send it back - obviously he’d never know it was ever an option - and just give the small stuff.

He’s currently on suspension from college for a stupid prank (claims not him) and he goes back after hols as normal. Than last week got sacked from his part time job for basically just not working when he was there. For Mother’s Day he give me a present but it has had his crossed out and he’d rewritten ‘Mum’ instead so no effort to disguise the regift, no issue with a good regift but the lack of effort narks :(

Do I still go all out and hope he appreciates it would it be counter productive to reward total lack of effort all round ?!

Please help.

I'd do the birthday as normal as I wouldn't want someone to feel shit on a special day. You should lead by example - regifting his regift is saying it's ok to do so. I also don't use birthdays as punishments but each to their own.

If he is a selfish little shit and needs a good talking to

The Ds has been suspended from college and lost a job because he wouldn't work... the time for a good talking too has passed!

I wouldn't give him the phone. I would however make a big deal of his b'day, cake, balloons, a special meal etc. Say you're so proud to have a 17yo son blah, blah. Tell him you'll give him a phone on x date if he behaves himself between now and then.

I would give all the gifts.
Looks like he needs your unconditional love and support more than ever.
That's how young people move forward ime.

Who’s going to pay for the phone usage? The internet and calls and texts?

He has got fired from his job so where’s the money going to come from for paying usage charges for this phone?

I know how you feel OP and really sympathise. My DS is nearly 17 too. He's not doing v well at college, mainly because he keeps bunking lessons, and has also just been sacked from his part time job. I'll still give him his birthday present though (festival tickets) 🙄

Gillybeanz your post is extremely judgmental. Is not always the parents fault. Lots of factors - who their friends are, having a bad time at school, personality all come into play.

I agree with Coolaschmoola, tell him you have it but he needs to improve his behaviour before he gets it.

I don't agree with you with Annabelle, this is just letting him get away with it, sometimes tough love is needed. The OP might be offering him unconditional love all the time up to this point.

I agree with you Lynette

Today 13:47 LynetteScavo

I wouldn't give him the phone. I would however make a big deal of his b'day, cake, balloons, a special meal etc. Say you're so proud to have a 17yo son blah, blah. Tell him you'll give him a phone on x date if he behaves himself between now and then.

Violet

The only people I am judging are parents who don't raise their sons to be useful as husbands.
So, I'm glad to judge when we so so many women complaining about useless men.
Of course the parents are responsible, it has nothing to do with anything else.

I would not give the phone.

*Gilly
*
So are you saying you believe that if a 16 year old gets sacked from a part time job, or is suspended from college, it's the parents fault?