To tell the Police? Is there any point? Potential TW

[RubyWho]

Apologies for the length of this in advance - posting for traffic.

I've wondered what, if anything, I should do about this situation for years.

Background is this:

When I was 14/15, I used to frequent internet chatrooms for teenagers . I was also on an ISP Instant Messenger. I was also off school a lot due to an ongoing illness which meant I was pissing about online for a large amount of the time. During this time, I was contacted by a man, H. H spoke to me online, and then got my number and we began texting/calling. He refused to meet up with me until I was 16. H was 13 years older than me but went to pains to explain he looked and acted younger than he was (that's for sure). He'd had a succession of girlfriends who he had met (groomed, in my opinion), when they were 14/15ish, but who he hadn't met in person until they turned 16.

We ended up meeting the evening I turned 16, and I guess 'dated' for about three months. I was an extremely vunerable teenager due to my homelife and emotional wellbeing so although thought the age gap was quite large, didn't think anything of it beyond that.
Whilst we were 'dating', he met my then best friend and took a big interest in her. She was quite alternative, and he kept on an on about girls who were into that sort of stuff (punk, goth etc) being 'kinky' and 'into all sorts'. Friend was 15 at the time. When we split up, he badgered me non stop for her number, her address, and would threaten to show up outside of our school. I did not give any of the details he wanted because (and told him):

1. She was 15
2. She wasn't interested
3. He was a creep.

At one point, I threatened to go to the Police, whereby he kept on and on about not 'touching (me) or the others until we were legal'.

He's basically carried on dating 16 /17 year old girls ever since, and he's now in his mid 40s. I gather he meets most of them online in the same way. I'm in my mid 30s now, so all this happened over 15 years ago but he does occasionally get in touch - mostly I ignore him.

My issue is this:

1. He clearly seeks out and grooms teenage girls, making very sure he doesn't 'do' anything until they're 16.
2. Therefore, he obviously knows what he's doing, and how dodgy it is
3. He was incredibly insistent when trying to get my friend's contact details all those years ago, seeming not to care about the whole 'she's not 16 thing' as she was 'alternative' (wtf???). He emailed me about this on an account I still use and I do still have all the emails.

He's got a distinctive name, and lives in the same area he always used to, so would be easy to pass his general details onto the police if needed. I know that his current girlfriend is living with him, and has just turned 17.

He definitely groomed me, and then took advantage.
It's dodgy and gross, as is he. But, what, if anything, can I do?

I’d pass it on in case it’s useful as part of a bigger picture they are building on him if he’s known to police already.

Have you the evidence on your computer still?

I think a chat with the police would be a good first step.

They will be able to look at the messages and see what, if any, charges to bring.

I'm sorry that happened to you

Not on my PC, but on the account. I'd backed up years worth of files onto an external harddrive which I do still have.

I would pass it on. Sometimes information like this can have a significant bearing on arrests and prosecutions. In spite of his professed boundary, he obviously was interested in pursuing under 16s and who knows how far he has taken this.

How do I report this? And to who? The local police (where I used to live, we lived in the same area). I've moved hundreds of miles away now.

Have a look on the CEOP website- you can report on there or via 101 to the police force local to the perpetrator. Good luck!

Please also consider getting some specialist support for yourself - it can be quite a shock how much turmoil can result from opening things up from the past.

Thank you - it was my DH who suggested reporting. I'm currently in counselling due to various issues, but I brought this up as an example of how I thought I 'brought things on myself'. Counsellor suggested exploring why I felt unable to report, I brought it up with DH, and here we are.

im sorry this happened to you. i'd report it because he sounds vile. who knows he may move on to someone new and not be able to wait until they're 16 - hurt someone who is 15/14/13 or whatever. isvas can help u report to the police, i dont know if its appropriate for this situation but u could try and phone and ask. he sounds ultra creepy.

i dont know if there's much different in someone doing this to someone who is 15 years and 11 months vs someone who is 16 years and 1 month in terms of mental effects? he has technically stayed on the side of the law, just horrible. he sounds predatory.

thesurvivorstrust.org/isva/

if it was sexual talk when you were 14/15 online that is very very wrong.

he was ok with your friend being 15 - she is underage. illegal and wrong. :(

I'm a police officer (although please note I'm response and have nothing to do with any ongoing CPT cases) and I think it's worth calling 101.
Grooming as an offence came into law in 2014 so would be too late for yours and many others, but potentially not for his more recent victims.

This offence ' targets predatory conduct designed to facilitate later sexual activity with a child.' so by that reasoning he was commiting the offence because of his motivation and later intentions, regardless of whether he had physical contact with the victim yet or not.

Intentions are obviously always a lot harder to prove than actual actions of offence, as you can't get in someones mind.

I'd be surprised if the sex offenders team don't already have him on their radar in some way, even as a low risk offender.

You're doing the right thing to consider it and I'm sorry you went through this