Aibu? Vaping....

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My first AIBU so I’m prepared to be told I’m unreasonable but I really am not sure if I am? I’m two weeks off baby number 2 and I’ve just had it out with DH about his Vaping habit. To be fair he smoked a lot prior to DC1 and then replaced it with the vape which was always meant to be temporary. The problem is, I HATE it. He doesn’t smoke inside but he does every time he heads outside to sort out animals etc. His car stinks of the disgusting sweet synthetic smell and when he comes back in at night after walking the dogs I can smell it everywhere. I’m still not convinced they are safe and the smell makes me feel sick. He’s now acting like a massive man child, surly and sulking because I’ve had it out and said he stops this weekend or I’m taking a hammer to the damm thing. He’s had MONTHS to quit but made no effort to. I get that it’s hard to stop but the deal was he tried!!

What about him trying a different liquid that is less cloying than cherry?

It's sooo hard to quit op. I tried for years but only under my own steam. As a smoker/vaper there's nothing more annoying then someone preaching/nagging. I smoked for 8years then went to vaping for 18months before going cold turkey. Now 5years free and I still get cravings. If you want someone to quit the best advice I could give you is to leave them alone

Not all vaping has a bubbly sound. Not all vaping results in a sickly sweet smell.

Perhaps you could talk to him about these things, and ask him to find an acceptable alternative? My DH has vaped for over eight years - no noise, no smell. Nothing. If you didn't see him doing so, you wouldn't know.

OP, just because you had an agreement on something doesn't mean there's no going back on it - and tbh given your general attitude towards this I wouldn't be surprised if it was a reluctant agreement anyway.

I do feel quite sorry for your DH here. I think you need to apologise but I suspect you won't.

He gave up smoking and he doesn't do it in the house. I know what you mean about the smell. I just ask dh to swap liquids. All he is kicking out is steam and not all the other horrid stuff. Especially if his liquid is vg. My husband would say I will give up vaping when you give up bitching about it. Maybe if you said nothing more he would get there himself. No One likes to be told what to do even if they agreed to make changes.

Fine, I’m obviously being hugely unreasonable. But I really hate it and it’s the only thing I’ve ever asked him to give up. Saucy jack yes he is working long hours, he also has his fair share of pub time and two very expensive time consuming interests! None of which I begrudge him, he works hard and provides a high quality of life for us. THIS, the not quitting when we agreed a deal, this I do begrudge and I still don’t think I’m being unfair but perhaps I’ll leave him alone perhaps we can compromise on him not smoking in his car which is a place I and children have to go. It’s still a disgusting habit though!!!!

It's not a disgusting habit at all. You know what is a disgusting habit? Nagging.

You can get flavourless vape juice as well as stuff you dilute yourself to make it less pungent.

My advice is ask him to switch to flavourless with a small dash of menthol or peppermint..much less sachharine.

My dh was a heavy smoker (up to 40 a day at one point) but has started vaping in the last few months and it's a godsend. Sometimes it's slightly annoying and I feel like I'm on fruit pastel flavour top of the pops about to stand up for the key change it's so vapey, but I wouldn't swap it for giving up cold turkey for how often he fell off the wagon or generally gave me grief when withdrawing. I don't mind it at all mostly - he's spending much less money, doesn't stink of fags and is much more pleasant. I don't see the point of being puritanical about vaping - the giving up smoking benefits outweigh a disadvantages imo.

You sound unsupportive, self centred and childish. Go and read about addiction- if being told by someone to quit something was all it took, the world would be very different.

Compromise. I do think it's fair enough to agree that vaping won't happen in a car that you and the dc will also use. But you also have to be reasonable. If you're giving him this much shit over vaping he may as well go back to tobacco!

YABU and controlling. Whether you would go through with it or not, it is not acceptable to threaten to smash up someone else’s property because you don’t like it.

I agree switching to another flavour - menthol being the most likely to be odourless although some are still sickly sweet - as well as looking at changing his actual vaper. There's no need to produce obnoxiously large clouds of vape which will inevitable carry when there are much more discreet models.

Obviously those are suggestions for compromise which won't solve your resentment of him vaping at all but I'm in the camp that thinks you should leave him alone and ask him to refrain in the car.

He knows how you feel about it.

Ok, I’ll suggest that maybe he switches what he uses. I am still very keen for him to quit eventually and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. For those who suggest I read about addiction and that I’m being unsupportive and childish, fine, that’s not how it is at all thank you but ok. What is as hard as addiction is anxiety that your baby might die at any moment and being super over protective, I realise this is totally my issue and have sought and received help. As above we’ve been together over 15 years and have a strong marriage. I can’t help hating the vaping although I appreciate it is the far lesser of two evils.

I am still very keen for him to quit eventually and I don’t think that’s unreasonable

It isn't unreasonable to want it, but it is to force it, especially through coercive and violent language. You keep saying you aren't controlling, but what do you think it is when one person tries to make another person do something? It's a bit like saying "he can make his own choice, as long as it's the one I agree with."

I don't really get why you are so furious. It seems like he does something horrible. I understand your husband as a person who has quit smoking as well. And I must admit it needs huge willpower. For example, it took almost 3 years for me to finally say goodbye to cigarettes.
So if you don't want your husband to escape because of your madness, better find out more about e-cigs (vapingdaily.com/smoking-vs-vaping/) and try to make a step towards him, like he did before.

DH vapes, I’m delighted because I thought he’d never quit smoking and 4 years on the change in his health is amazing.
BUT one of the dammed things was loud and made a bloody cloud in the living room.
He has approx 11 billion different kinds, there are some that are silent and don’t produce much stem. Get him to invest in those. My dm hates vaping and claims she gets a migraine if some has vaped in the same room that day. She’s been fine since DH has changed what he uses.
I can find out the name of the silent, steamlwss ones if that would help?

DH vapes I don't like it. He quit smoking about three years ago and has been on zero nicotine for more than a year and I think that's what annoys me most, it's not even addiction anymore, it just seems pointless. But he doesn't go to the pub, out to watch football etc, he has a cheap vape and doesn't spend much on liquids, coils etc maybe £10 a month which is nothing. He doesn't use it indoors and even if we're out he keeps it away from me as he knows I don't like it and won't do it anywhere near the baby, we've already spoken about it. He generally uses menthol which I find a lot less offensive than the sickly sweet ones, I know he does it in his car when I'm not there and I have the smell of a bloodhound at the moment (8 months pregnant) , but the car doesn't smell of it. I did get him a nice car air freshener though so maybe that's why. It's just something I've had to let go.

Oh he also doesn't have one of those giant ones that produce clouds of the stuff, they always seems unnecessary and a bit douchebaggy to me

OP - my DH vapes and I hate it too. He doesn't in the house so I don't feel like I can moan at him. I wouldn't be happy about him vaping in a car which we all have to use though and we would be talking about that.

He uses a fairly scent free fluid and his machine doesn't seem to create those big puffs of vaper like some do. Maybe that would be an option for your patner?

My DH has been talking about trying different fragrances. I won't be happy if he does. I suspect he'll just reply with "sickly strawberry smells better than old cigarettes" and I won't really have a reply to that.

Like you, I'm not convinced it's any safer than smoking cigarrettes. He's been vaping for almost 2 years so I think it has just replaced the cigarettes rather than using it as a stepping stone to quitting.

If I (gently) say anything about his quitting journey or that I'm not sure how safe vaping is, he just threatens to start smoking again. I'm getting pretty sick of him holding that threat over me all the time to be honest though.

But you would be v out if order to break it.

Plus, all he would do is buy another one anyway.

My DP vapes and the noise I hate. However I tend to think I woukd rather put up with that than him still smoking. If he smoked when you got together you hax no right to expect him to give up other than in the house/around children. He has made the effort to give up smoking in favour of vaping and isnt doing that indoors. You have 2 cars use the other one if it bothers you that much and stop nagging him.

They’re supposed to be a means to stop, not an alternative. I can see your anger and it’s valid if he’s refusing to honour the agreement to quit. That’s magnified tenfold if he uses rancid smelling liquid, and has one of those ridiculous tanklike machines that could double as a disco fog machine in a pinch.

He’s not quit smoking at all, he’s just converted to something else. As soon as he cottons onto that he might actually make the effort to quit.