To have expected SBX to write the card?

[Lukesflannelshirt]

Namechanged.

My ex doesn’t see my son, court order however does allow him to write on his birthday and Christmas. He hasn’t seen him for nearly 5 years.

A card arrived, 3 days late, and it isn’t even exes handwriting!

This is all the contact he has, yet he couldn’t even be arsed to write the two lines in that damn card!!!

Aibu?? I save all the cards so it is obvious and was obvious to my son too, 10.

Yanbu, but at least your ds knows which parent is there and cares, and which one is a twat.

Yes, there is that, I just can’t get my head around it.
It isn’t the first time either, why bother if you are going to get someone else to do it?

FFS....the only way it would be ok would be if there was a note in it saying 'btw X is writing this for me as I've broken my hand!' or something but that's just phoning it in. Your DS will know who was there for him.

I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t being a cow, and getting miffed at him because I hate him

Son has decided to burn it... because it isn’t from him. I think I should keep it though, incase we end up back in court. If he can’t even write a card, what hope has he got keeping up contact?

He’s a shit. How painful for your son. My ex completely ignored my Ds’s Birthday and Xmas last year. He doesn’t see them at all. It’s horrible. I know people say “well at least your son knows who loves him and who doesn’t” but that’s not what it’s abouy. It’s not about who is the better parent, it’s about a child knowing that one of the only two people responsible for his creation can’t be arsed to write happy birthday to him. That fucking hurts. No mater how loving and fantastic your mum is, that hurts.

I was tempted to not give it to him, however I thought that would be worse.
Obviously with the court order stating no real contact (unless ex decides to go back to court, which I doubt) the contact and relationship was really shit to begin with.

Last year nothing came for my son on his birthday or Christmas, this year he can’t even write the damn card!

My son said “why even bother, he didn’t last year! I don’t want to see him but if he can’t write a card to me I don’t want anyway why send anything?”

I was literally useless, what the fuck do I say or do?

We never really talk about his dad, he doesn’t ever bring him up. I am always the one to ask if he thinks about him, probably twice a year. My son doesn’t seem bothered, has had a councillor for a while, as I was worried he was holding his feelings in. We all came to the conclusion, that as he doesn’t know him it isn’t getting to him, but things like this concern me. He isn’t angry about it, there is almost no emotion.

Which also worries me... should it?

I do not understand people like this. I feel.sp sorry for your son. It will feel like another rejection to him.

I don’t think so. If he is generally doing ok in life, not acting out, or bad tempered, or very emotional then I would take it as it really isn’t affecting him. My son has a counsellor too. Originally he was holding everything in with me and as soon as the counsellor mentioned his dad it all came out. Floods of tears and he said he was really angry with his dad which totally explained why he was acting up with me, and seemed so angry all the time. But the counsellor is actually stopping their sessions now because she says he doesn’t need them, he has cried it all out and made his own decision that he isn’t interested in seeing his dad even if he gets in touch. I’ve chatted to him too and he really isn’t bothered now and that shows in his behaviour. I’d say if your DS is happy generally then it’s unlikely he is holding things in.

I’m so glad for your son Zib!! That he got it all out, made a choice and is doing well. You sound fabulous too!

My son, honestly, is amazing. So kind, helpful, empathetic and jolly. Such an “easy” child, independent and mature... Does well at school, lots of friends. He accepted his Stepfather, treats his half sibling beautifully,

I am very lucky!

I am worrying for no reason aren’t I?

Could it have been ex's mother or someone who sent it on his behalf because they knew he wouldn't. Hurtful as it is at least your son knows what his dad is like.

From the writing and postmark, I would say it is written by his girlfriend.

She wrote everything for court, so I recognised it right away.

Possibly that, that is why though.

You’re a mum, we worry! but it really does sound as if your son is ok with this. No harm in keeping an eye on the situation. Things like hormones, Christmas and birthdays and moving to new schools can all change how he feels about it. My son was really upset over Christmas and also he started secondary school in September and some new “friends” had made comments about dad’s that I think got husband brain agitated.

Anyway, let your son know you’re always there for a chat and if he needs to get anything off his chest or ask any questions. Or even his stepdad if they have that sort of relationship.

Husband= his!

At least his girlfriend has a bit of a conscious. You are doing a great job, I know you carry your sons hurt too but he knows what his father is like.