To "do" something about this? Affair?

[rockhardplaceornone]

My Dad and step mum have been married for coming up 30 years. Step mum was OW. My Dad used to take me to meet her when i was in primary school, he was still with my mum and would tell me to keep it a secret.

It must've all came out at some point and he left my mum and set up with SM.

Over the years there have been various things that have made me suspicious he's not been faithful to my SM. There are (horrible) stories I've been told about what he got up to with other women when he was with my mum.

He doesn't have, and never has had, any male friends. It's always been new women friends. SM only has my dad's friends. Never any of her own so has always been these women friends.

I met his latest female friend lately and I'm sure he's having an affair with her. He recently went abroad with her for a long weekend. I know this sounds ridiculous as I write it. It's the same MO every few years with a new woman.

I feel like I should do something?? Does my step mum know and turn a blind eye? Or is she really that fucking stupid?

I really don't want to deal with the fall out if its true. Ffs he's approaching 70 now. Its the whole hiding in plain sight. I've spoken to my siblings about it but they don't want involved.

Thinking about what I've written I should keep well out but I'm disgusted by it. I tried to "catch" him out the other night for the first time and I pretty much did but that's why I'm thinking about it so much more.

It was so bloody obvious and embarrassing the way he was going on with her.

What should I do??

I wonder what the point would be. The point would be to offload back to him what he's offloaded onto you particularly when you were a child. Telling a child to keep a secret is child abuse because it means that child, instead of growing up worry free, has grown up holding on to something bad. He used you as a "family dustbin" which a decent father wouldn't do. Now's the time to throw his secret back again to relieve your own mind. Then ignore their dysfunctional relationship completely and get on with your own life with the burdens lifted. And if he doesn't like it, so what? He can decide himself how to handle it, you're not responsible for him! If you can't face him, write him a letter.

I seriously doubt your SM doesn't know he's cheating on her.

He sounds like a complete creep who I'm surprised you still want in your life.

Leopards don't change their spots - if a man leaves another woman for you there's a high chance you'll suffer the same fate

What's he going to do when he is older? Is he expecting your SM to look after him? You? How do you feel about that?

I honestly don't know whether she knows or not. Over the years he's gone to stay with other women "friends" on long weekends or holidays. A couple have even come to visit them both. Def not a threesome situation!

I asked her when i was very young why she had an affair with my dad and she apologised, can't really remember what else was said. I said I'd be asking my dad the same question but I never did. I'm a little afraid of him.

In regards to when he gets older I don't know. I guess we'll all muddle through.

I don't want to rock the boat. I don't have the energy for it. I have my own family. It seems to be the case of it's an open secret that no one talks about?

I'm actually due to start counselling very soon although not directly related to my dad.

It would not cross my mind to reduce contact and certainly isn't something i have considered. We have a good relationship as long as i keep my opinions to myself. As I've got older I've started to pick my battles. We used to have shocking arguments but the last one was about 3 years ago. I prefer to keep schtum nowadays.