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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To start refusing to baby sit?

52 replies

PrettyLittIeThing · 06/04/2018 23:37

My sister has two kids and asks me to baby sit sometimes. The thing is the favour is never returned. Now before people say do I ask her well, it isn't actually a question of asking as every weekend she goes clubbing then likes to "rest on a sunday" (her words) and every school holiday she's off on holiday (is at the moment and it's her second holiday of the year) so there is never an opportunity. Now a few days ago I picked up some food that was part of a deal that me and my kids don't eat but came with what I bought anyway. So I messaged her and said "got some burgers for the kids as part of a deal I will stick them in the freezer and you can pick them up when your able to." She messaged back "oh good they can have them on Saturday when they come to yours" I was like it's the half term, I don't get a break from my kids ever as their dad is absent, hers goes to their dad she gets lots of breaks. I don't begrudge her but she didn't even ask. I read it and didn't respond as I was annoyed and actually trying to think of what to say back to it, before I knew it she called and was speaking about something else then said "when they come round to yours on Saturday" I was just like okkkk by that point it felt to akward to say anything. Aibu to tell her that I won't be having them again? Or should I just say that she should help out more with mine? I know either way she will be offended.

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/04/2018 01:30

How well do the kids get on? Spending lots of time with cousins is lovely if they're all friends. But it shouldn't all be on your shoulders.

Be brave. Great suggestions above.

"I think it's your turn, sis" ?

halfwitpicker · 07/04/2018 01:33

You have four kids of your own and you're babysitting more?!

She's taking the piss, majorly.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 07/04/2018 02:33

Your sister sounds like a free spirit. Interpret as appropriate.

Just tell her no and ignore her.

Cavender · 07/04/2018 03:15

Sounds like she needs you more than the other way round.

Say no, don’t be a doormat.

Big girl pants.

Original poster

PrettyLittIeThing · 07/04/2018 14:10

Took the advice and told her I will be going out today so no. This came after she said the kids might come up today, erm am I suppose to wait in just incase they do?! Sorry but abit of a drip feed but they done this recently, when they were staying here last time they told me they were just popping home to get something (they are teens) I made dinner for thm and by 8 o'clock I was abit concerned when they didn't come back and messaged their mum and she said "yeh they've just gonna stay at home" I was like wtf?! Thought it was very rude no one had bothered to tell me. So I'm not having a repeat of that. She's not in the country as I said and they are currently at their dads house but apparently he would only have them if someone agreed to watch them on Saturday (he's having them for the week she's away.) and that's why she asked me. They get on ok with my kids but one of them is always bossing my kids around who are much younger which I find annoying.

OP posts:

Inertia · 07/04/2018 14:36

You need to tell her no.

They have 2 parents who can do the parenting.

pinkyredrose · 07/04/2018 14:42

Why do they need babysitting if they're teens?

Original poster

PrettyLittIeThing · 07/04/2018 15:25

She said they can't be left alone over night (14, 13) as it's neglect apparently. Especially as she isn't in the country.

OP posts:

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/04/2018 15:35

Well they can stay at their dad's then. If she made him a promise she can't keep that's not your problem. Let their dad find his own babysitter.

hmmwhatatodo · 07/04/2018 15:35

Is she always this me me me in life? Do you babysit every weekend? Must be a nice life to be able to go off out every week and go off on holiday without your children (why didn’t she ask if you could babysit on sat night before she sorted her holiday if she knew their dad wasn’t having them?!) Do the children go on holiday with her?

Hobnobsarenotfordunking · 07/04/2018 15:37

Yes that’s too young to be left overnight. But they shouldn’t need babysitting in the day time anymore. And they should really be ok with her going out for a few drinks in the evening if she comes home at a reasonable time and they have a neighbour they know to go to if they need anything.

FancyNewBeesly · 07/04/2018 15:39

Tell her to fuck off.

I have no one to help with our twins - literally - other than DH. They’re 18 months and I haven’t had a break or a rest. If someone looked after mine even once, I’d be falling over myself to help them out in return

5foot5 · 07/04/2018 15:59

See the trouble here is you should have stood up to her years ago and meant it. If her kids are 13 and 14 they really won't need "baby sitting" much longer (heavens I was about that age when I started my first baby sitting job) so if you finally do get the courage to say no it won't inconvenience her for long. She has made use of you for years and years and sure as hell she won't reciprocate when she has no more use for you.

MissP103 · 07/04/2018 16:02

You've set the precedent so what do you expect? Why did you say Ok? She obviously thinks it's ok because well you keep mugging along. Time to speak up or don't complain about it.

Original poster

PrettyLittIeThing · 07/04/2018 16:10

As I said when I said no before she claimed it was through jealousy. A mutual friend was there aswell and didn't say anything so I wanted to check if I was unreasonable. Anyway she's left them before over night and an ex of hers knocked on the door at midnight and it scared them so she didn't like leaving them again after that as she would get home around 5am. However when I mentioned that she had left them home alone before she said "times have changed" and "it's illegal/neglect"

OP posts:

Eatalot · 07/04/2018 16:11

Agreed with everyone else this is your last chance to put your big girl pants on. Either do it or no more complaining. Your ds sounds like a selfish prick who only cares for herself. If she wanted to go clubbing every weekend and child free holidays why did she have kids. Stop being a doormat.

chickenowner · 07/04/2018 16:13

Just say that you can't have them to stay this Saturday.

halfwitpicker · 07/04/2018 16:13

Oh come on, stop being a carpet.

Weezol · 07/04/2018 16:15

If their father can't have them during his contact time, he needs to find someone to have them. This is not you problem.

hmmwhatatodo · 07/04/2018 16:20

Old boyfriends banging on the door at midnight, the mum getting in at 5am because it’s illegal to leave them all night (isn’t 5am all night in reality anyway), mum going off to a different country, dad doesn’t want to look after them tonight because he wants to go out as well. Poor children for having selfish parent(s)! Maybe they like coming to your because you’re the stable link or maybe they come to you because despite your sister saying she has loads of available baby sitters maybe they all got fed up of her so now you’re the last man standing?

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/04/2018 16:36

Just be careful that she doesn't send them round anyway and then go off out if you say you can't/don't want to babysit. So when you say 'no, I can't do that,' you may have to pretend to be going away somewhere or unavailable. Otherwise you're likely to find them showing up anyway, and your sister later saying 'oh, they just really wanted to see you'.

Original poster

PrettyLittIeThing · 07/04/2018 16:52

I'm off out now so won't be in! They like coming to me as I think they see me as a soft touch (clearly I am!) whereas their mum is very strict as I said they are always bossing my kids around (trying to put them on the "naughty step" which I don't even do myself, every 5 minutes)

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/04/2018 19:57

Well, id be v firm in telling them not to do that (the naughty step).

But I used to babysit at 14, and so did dd. Home before midnight, though, not til 5am. So they could be helping you out by babysitting your kids for you for a few hours.

I do agree with your dsis re leaving them home alone all night. And until 5 am is basically all night. There's no minimum age to leave a child home alone, but SS would take a v dim view if it were reported to them. Esp with ex's banning on the door. And it would be under the category of neglect

DeathStare · 07/04/2018 20:02

To be honest she's right that two children of that age can't be left home alone. If that really is the only other option I'd take them for tonight. But then I would make it absolutely clear to her that she has to never put you in that position again.

DeathStare · 07/04/2018 20:03

(When I say left home alone, I mean overnight)

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